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20 Signs You Have A Perfect Boyfriend

20 Signs You Have A Perfect Boyfriend

The truth is there is no such thing as perfect. So let’s frame this list as ‘perfect for most’. We all want and desire that perfect match, the person we know is the ‘one’ for us. We also know the likes and desires in a partner look different for everyone, so this list is created with the framework of what a healthy and loving relationship might look like.  We often desire to be truly loved and accepted in our lives, especially when we are in a relationship.

The most important thing about any relationship is that love is the common denominator and that past issues or concerns are not getting in the way and hurting the current relationship.

Here are 20 signs you have a perfect boyfriend.

1. He listens to you.

First and foremost, we all want to be heard. We want our values, opinions and beliefs to be validated. Even if they aren’t agreed with, we want them to be respected. The qualities of a perfect boyfriend would definitely include listening to what you have to say. He calls you just to hear your voice, or texts you throughout the day to find out what is going on in your life because he truly cares.

2. He really is that into you.

This doesn’t mean that he is obsessed with you and is always blowing up your phone or constantly contacting you. It really means that he is interested, intrigued and enamored by you. His actions just visibly reflect that. When your boyfriend realises that his life is better with you and he wants you in it every day, then it is time to recognize the relationship could grow into something more. He wants to spend time with you, he tells you how awesome you are, and he is not afraid to be honest with his feelings for you.

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3. He talks about his feelings and emotions.

Even though society sometimes gives us the impression that all men need to be hard, emotionless, or “strong”; the real men out there let their guard down to the ones that mean the most to them. Real men talk about their feelings and emotions. There is nothing wrong with men articulating their feelings or emotions, especially to someone they spend a lot of time with. Once you have a deeper intimacy with your boyfriend, you know he is in it for the long haul. He shares his past, his fears, his wants, and his desires with you. When he talks about serious topics with you, he is not afraid to love or to tell you how he loves you.

4. He accepts all of you.

This might me one of the most important aspects in any relationship. Your boyfriend does not want to change you. He accepts your good and your not so good. He lifts you up and lets you know that you are perfect in his eyes. You know you have a perfect boyfriend when you know they are not trying to change you, or manipulate and influence you to become someone you are not. He tells you how pretty you are. He even tells you that he likes the things you hate about yourself.

5. He supports ‘you’ time.

Being in a relationship takes up a large part of your life. However, your relationship should not take up 100% of your time. Everyone has their own special interests and hobbies in life. The perfect boyfriend supports you doing things on your own or with your best friends. He embraces time apart as much as he embraces time together. He knows that each of your lives can remain balanced while in the relationship. He even texts to tell you to have an amazing time with your friends, or he calls to say he can’t wait to see you soon.

6. He is interested in what you enjoy.

He is truly interested in what you enjoy doing, or what you like most in life. It does not mean that he has to love everything you love, or do everything that you do. You may be into music, but he loves art – and that is perfectly fine. He really wants to know what excites you and makes you feel alive in life so that he can support your happiness.

7. He makes you laugh.

They always say that laughter really is the best medicine. Not every boyfriend has to be a professional comedian, but a perfect boyfriend does have a good sense of humor. He is playful and likes to joke around with you every once in a while. He might do silly things only with you. You two might even have endearing little names for each other too.

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8. He is independent.

The perfect boyfriend provides for himself, lives on his own, and takes pride in being an independent and contributing member of society. It is never fun to go on a ‘date’ and be the one picking up the tab all the time. A perfect boyfriend is also someone you know could possibly be a good husband in the future. If he has his own independence, he can already provide for himself – and maybe his future family too.

9. He fully trusts you.

Trust is the basis of all strong and meaningful relationships. If trust is not present in any relationship, chances are it will not last long. Trust is essential. If you have trust there is no jealousy or insecurities. Most relationships that include jealousy stem from past relationship patterns that were not healthy. These negative qualities sometimes get carried over into the next relationship. A perfect boyfriend would not be texting or calling every hour to find out where you are when you are not together. We all get a little insecure and jealous sometimes, but the ideal man does not let it get the best of him and it does not affect your relationship at all.

10. He always has your back.

Life includes ups and down, good parts and bad parts. No matter what each of you are going through, you are there to support each other. A perfect boyfriend would definitely be one that stands by you through the good and the bad. He’ll be by your side in any tough situation you might be going through in life. He is there to support you and to lift you up. He is there for you through good and bad, encouraging you to keep going even if you fall. He is your teammate, your cheerleader, and the one that makes your life better each and every day.

11. He doesn’t avoid conflict.

If something is bothering him or there is an issue, he does not avoid addressing it. He is able to share his own thoughts and feelings freely in a positive way. We all have things that bother us. The perfect boyfriend would share those issues instead of letting them build up inside until they come out later in a negative way. The stronger the communication is with your boyfriend, the better your chances of working through issues as they arise.

12. He makes plans with you.

The perfect boyfriend calls you, texts you, checks in with you often and suggests things to do. He also makes plans with you. He wants to spend his time with you. If you are always the one initiating the communication or making plans to see each other, maybe he is not the best match for you.

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13. He is thoughtful.

You don’t have to be necessarily romantic to be thoughtful. Although, that is a great quality to have as well. Being thoughtful could be something simple like bringing you food when you are sick, or doing something sweet to cheer you up when you are having a bad day. He plans for special events because he truly wants you to feel loved by him. The perfect boyfriend considers your feelings and his reactions reflect his thoughtfulness.

14. He cooks for you.

Society also likes to portray that the woman should always cook. It’s the 21st century. We are no longer living in Leave It To Beaver-land. This doesn’t mean he cooks all the time, but hopefully he has a dish or two he has perfected. Maybe he is a master on the grill. There is something sexy about a man taking the time to cook something just for the two of you. It is also another outward act of his feelings for you.

15. His actions match his words.

If we don’t have our word, what do we have? Honesty is a virtue and the perfect boyfriend will embody that. When he says he will call you at 9pm; he does. When he says you are going to hang out this upcoming weekend; you do. When he makes promises to you; he keeps them. If you are consistently being let down by your boyfriend telling you one thing but doing another, chances are he is not the perfect one for you.

16. He includes you with his family and friends.

Being introduced to family and friends might come later in the relationship, but if you are in a long-term relationship and you have not yet met his close friends or family, he might not be the one. The perfect boyfriend really wants you to meet his friends and family because he enjoys spending time with you. He enjoys being around you so much he wants everyone he cares about to know about you and get to know you personally.

17. He shows affection.

This is an important aspect. This does not mean you have to make-out with your boyfriend in every public place possible, but it does mean when you are out in public he enjoys holding your hand, or putting his arm around you and showing you affection. Affection is an important part of any relationship. The perfect boyfriend will outwardly show his love for you with affection. He will also tell you how amazing you look and how much he loves that dress on you. There is no criticism of the way you look, just complete adoration.

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18. He respects you.

This should be a no-brainer, but sadly there are many relationships lacking the basic foundation of respect. The perfect boyfriend would never, ever attempt to push, hit, or lay a hand on you. He would never scream and yell at you all the time or call you horrible names. There would never be a valid reason for that to ever happen! Going through epic fights and then making up later is not an example of true love. The perfect boyfriend is able to control his anger and work through his issues so that they are never taken out on you. He adores you. He would be so upset if anything were to happen to you. He admires you deeply and will treat you the best way he knows how.

19. He is willing to compromise.

If everyone agreed with each other all of the time, the world would be a boring place. The perfect boyfriend compromises on issues or making plans because he wants the relationship to work. If you are always doing what your boyfriend wants to do, and nothing that you have ever suggested, then your boyfriend is not willing to compromise. This is especially important regarding holidays and family situations. When your boyfriend compromises, you definitely know that he is considering your feelings instead of only his own.

20. He shows sympathy.

When something serious is going on in your life and you are having a really hard time, he consoles you. If your dog dies, he is there. If something happens to your family, he is there. Unfortunately, bad things will happen in life and the perfect boyfriend will be by your side through all of it. Even if he isn’t sure what to say, he is there supporting you, holding your hand, and letting you cry on his shoulder. If he can see that you are visibly upset about something, he will ask you to talk about it and not dismiss your feelings.

Featured photo credit: Nicki Varkevisser via flickr.com

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Wendy Redden

Digital Advertising Account Manager, Music Blogger, Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

More Tips About Making Influence

Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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