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20 Signs You Have A Perfect Boyfriend

20 Signs You Have A Perfect Boyfriend
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The truth is there is no such thing as perfect. So let’s frame this list as ‘perfect for most’. We all want and desire that perfect match, the person we know is the ‘one’ for us. We also know the likes and desires in a partner look different for everyone, so this list is created with the framework of what a healthy and loving relationship might look like.  We often desire to be truly loved and accepted in our lives, especially when we are in a relationship.

The most important thing about any relationship is that love is the common denominator and that past issues or concerns are not getting in the way and hurting the current relationship.

Here are 20 signs you have a perfect boyfriend.

1. He listens to you.

First and foremost, we all want to be heard. We want our values, opinions and beliefs to be validated. Even if they aren’t agreed with, we want them to be respected. The qualities of a perfect boyfriend would definitely include listening to what you have to say. He calls you just to hear your voice, or texts you throughout the day to find out what is going on in your life because he truly cares.

2. He really is that into you.

This doesn’t mean that he is obsessed with you and is always blowing up your phone or constantly contacting you. It really means that he is interested, intrigued and enamored by you. His actions just visibly reflect that. When your boyfriend realises that his life is better with you and he wants you in it every day, then it is time to recognize the relationship could grow into something more. He wants to spend time with you, he tells you how awesome you are, and he is not afraid to be honest with his feelings for you.

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3. He talks about his feelings and emotions.

Even though society sometimes gives us the impression that all men need to be hard, emotionless, or “strong”; the real men out there let their guard down to the ones that mean the most to them. Real men talk about their feelings and emotions. There is nothing wrong with men articulating their feelings or emotions, especially to someone they spend a lot of time with. Once you have a deeper intimacy with your boyfriend, you know he is in it for the long haul. He shares his past, his fears, his wants, and his desires with you. When he talks about serious topics with you, he is not afraid to love or to tell you how he loves you.

4. He accepts all of you.

This might me one of the most important aspects in any relationship. Your boyfriend does not want to change you. He accepts your good and your not so good. He lifts you up and lets you know that you are perfect in his eyes. You know you have a perfect boyfriend when you know they are not trying to change you, or manipulate and influence you to become someone you are not. He tells you how pretty you are. He even tells you that he likes the things you hate about yourself.

5. He supports ‘you’ time.

Being in a relationship takes up a large part of your life. However, your relationship should not take up 100% of your time. Everyone has their own special interests and hobbies in life. The perfect boyfriend supports you doing things on your own or with your best friends. He embraces time apart as much as he embraces time together. He knows that each of your lives can remain balanced while in the relationship. He even texts to tell you to have an amazing time with your friends, or he calls to say he can’t wait to see you soon.

6. He is interested in what you enjoy.

He is truly interested in what you enjoy doing, or what you like most in life. It does not mean that he has to love everything you love, or do everything that you do. You may be into music, but he loves art – and that is perfectly fine. He really wants to know what excites you and makes you feel alive in life so that he can support your happiness.

7. He makes you laugh.

They always say that laughter really is the best medicine. Not every boyfriend has to be a professional comedian, but a perfect boyfriend does have a good sense of humor. He is playful and likes to joke around with you every once in a while. He might do silly things only with you. You two might even have endearing little names for each other too.

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8. He is independent.

The perfect boyfriend provides for himself, lives on his own, and takes pride in being an independent and contributing member of society. It is never fun to go on a ‘date’ and be the one picking up the tab all the time. A perfect boyfriend is also someone you know could possibly be a good husband in the future. If he has his own independence, he can already provide for himself – and maybe his future family too.

9. He fully trusts you.

Trust is the basis of all strong and meaningful relationships. If trust is not present in any relationship, chances are it will not last long. Trust is essential. If you have trust there is no jealousy or insecurities. Most relationships that include jealousy stem from past relationship patterns that were not healthy. These negative qualities sometimes get carried over into the next relationship. A perfect boyfriend would not be texting or calling every hour to find out where you are when you are not together. We all get a little insecure and jealous sometimes, but the ideal man does not let it get the best of him and it does not affect your relationship at all.

10. He always has your back.

Life includes ups and down, good parts and bad parts. No matter what each of you are going through, you are there to support each other. A perfect boyfriend would definitely be one that stands by you through the good and the bad. He’ll be by your side in any tough situation you might be going through in life. He is there to support you and to lift you up. He is there for you through good and bad, encouraging you to keep going even if you fall. He is your teammate, your cheerleader, and the one that makes your life better each and every day.

11. He doesn’t avoid conflict.

If something is bothering him or there is an issue, he does not avoid addressing it. He is able to share his own thoughts and feelings freely in a positive way. We all have things that bother us. The perfect boyfriend would share those issues instead of letting them build up inside until they come out later in a negative way. The stronger the communication is with your boyfriend, the better your chances of working through issues as they arise.

12. He makes plans with you.

The perfect boyfriend calls you, texts you, checks in with you often and suggests things to do. He also makes plans with you. He wants to spend his time with you. If you are always the one initiating the communication or making plans to see each other, maybe he is not the best match for you.

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13. He is thoughtful.

You don’t have to be necessarily romantic to be thoughtful. Although, that is a great quality to have as well. Being thoughtful could be something simple like bringing you food when you are sick, or doing something sweet to cheer you up when you are having a bad day. He plans for special events because he truly wants you to feel loved by him. The perfect boyfriend considers your feelings and his reactions reflect his thoughtfulness.

14. He cooks for you.

Society also likes to portray that the woman should always cook. It’s the 21st century. We are no longer living in Leave It To Beaver-land. This doesn’t mean he cooks all the time, but hopefully he has a dish or two he has perfected. Maybe he is a master on the grill. There is something sexy about a man taking the time to cook something just for the two of you. It is also another outward act of his feelings for you.

15. His actions match his words.

If we don’t have our word, what do we have? Honesty is a virtue and the perfect boyfriend will embody that. When he says he will call you at 9pm; he does. When he says you are going to hang out this upcoming weekend; you do. When he makes promises to you; he keeps them. If you are consistently being let down by your boyfriend telling you one thing but doing another, chances are he is not the perfect one for you.

16. He includes you with his family and friends.

Being introduced to family and friends might come later in the relationship, but if you are in a long-term relationship and you have not yet met his close friends or family, he might not be the one. The perfect boyfriend really wants you to meet his friends and family because he enjoys spending time with you. He enjoys being around you so much he wants everyone he cares about to know about you and get to know you personally.

17. He shows affection.

This is an important aspect. This does not mean you have to make-out with your boyfriend in every public place possible, but it does mean when you are out in public he enjoys holding your hand, or putting his arm around you and showing you affection. Affection is an important part of any relationship. The perfect boyfriend will outwardly show his love for you with affection. He will also tell you how amazing you look and how much he loves that dress on you. There is no criticism of the way you look, just complete adoration.

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18. He respects you.

This should be a no-brainer, but sadly there are many relationships lacking the basic foundation of respect. The perfect boyfriend would never, ever attempt to push, hit, or lay a hand on you. He would never scream and yell at you all the time or call you horrible names. There would never be a valid reason for that to ever happen! Going through epic fights and then making up later is not an example of true love. The perfect boyfriend is able to control his anger and work through his issues so that they are never taken out on you. He adores you. He would be so upset if anything were to happen to you. He admires you deeply and will treat you the best way he knows how.

19. He is willing to compromise.

If everyone agreed with each other all of the time, the world would be a boring place. The perfect boyfriend compromises on issues or making plans because he wants the relationship to work. If you are always doing what your boyfriend wants to do, and nothing that you have ever suggested, then your boyfriend is not willing to compromise. This is especially important regarding holidays and family situations. When your boyfriend compromises, you definitely know that he is considering your feelings instead of only his own.

20. He shows sympathy.

When something serious is going on in your life and you are having a really hard time, he consoles you. If your dog dies, he is there. If something happens to your family, he is there. Unfortunately, bad things will happen in life and the perfect boyfriend will be by your side through all of it. Even if he isn’t sure what to say, he is there supporting you, holding your hand, and letting you cry on his shoulder. If he can see that you are visibly upset about something, he will ask you to talk about it and not dismiss your feelings.

Featured photo credit: Nicki Varkevisser via flickr.com

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Wendy Redden

Digital Advertising Account Manager, Music Blogger, Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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