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8 Reasons Why You Always Fight With Your Beloved

8 Reasons Why You Always Fight With Your Beloved

Doesn’t it seem like those who are truly in love would never fight? The truth is that love is a game of passion and with passion comes a certain intensity of feelings. These feelings often lead to fights. It is not a sign that your relationship is necessarily falling apart, but rather a sign that you are both deeply invested in each other. Here are some reasons you might be fighting with your loved one:

1. You have some unreasonable expectations

This can be particularly difficult as you come out of the honeymoon phase. Romantic love is incredibly powerful and it can lead us to envision our partner as something they are not. This can cause us to be shocked and dismayed when they behave in ways that our inconsistent with our expectations. This type of fight is fairly common for people early on in their relationship and can be worked through by being aware that the first signs of love often leave us with a few unrealistic expectations.

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2. You wonder if these feelings are genuine

Love is a strong, but often mysterious feeling in our lives. With such intensity floating around, you may begin to wonder if all of this is truly real. This insecurity can cause lovers to fight. It can be very difficult to determine how another person feels, let alone how you feel yourself, but in these situations, it is best to realize that you have to trust yourself to know what is real and what isn’t.

3. You worry you may be settling

Once you get seriously involved with a beloved one, you may begin to worry that there may be something better out there. This is a normal sensation, and often flares up most prominently when things are not running very smoothly. With this feeling, you are best to be careful and avoid acting on any rash decisions. Give yourself time and space to decide how you truly feel about the situation. Go slowly and remember all the great things you love about your partner before you decide there is something better out there.

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4. You are frustrated that you can’t be perfect for your partner

Sometimes fights stem from your own frustrations with your behavior. Although you may not realize it, you may be expecting yourself to be the perfect example of loving support for your partner. This is a wonderful goal to strive for, but the truth is no one is perfect. You will make mistakes in your journey, and so will your partner. When you realize you are motivated out of frustration about your own actions, being open with your partner is a good strategy. Trust love includes loving all of your imperfections, so you may find solace in hearing your lack of perfection is forgiven.

5. You may be losing sight of the team aspect of your relationship

If you are getting too focused on “I” or “me” you may be suffering from this problem. Mature relationships require a teamwork mentality. You have to learn to work with your partner and consider your options based on what is most beneficial for both of you. This requires patience and communicating with your partner.

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6. You prioritized your feelings over your partner’s

Although your feelings are probably the most tangible thing on your mind, its important to realize that they are not always the most important thing in a specific situation. To avoid these sorts of fights, be mindful of what your feelings are and what your beloved’s feelings might be. Try to make a conscious decision to focus on their feelings over your own.

7. You get the past mixed up with the present

Sure you’ve probably had a few bumps in the past. Perhaps a few of them are still a bit raw. That’s no surprise, but if you bring up bits of the past while trying to work through something more recent, you may be walking into a mine field. Try to stay focused on the now and have a separate conversation about the past if you need it.

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8. You don’t have an established exit plan

Sometimes when you are having a moment with your loved on, it can be hard to know how to exit a conversation before it gets too heated. If you establish a way to respectfully end the conversation way before anyone gets heated, you have a go to when things start to get out of hand. It can be something as simple as saying “I need a break, let’s return to this tomorrow” to something outrageous like “Pink bananas are better ripe.” Whatever phrasing can help you and your partner flag a respectful retreat will help reduce the number of fights you both have to endure.

Featured photo credit: JanDix via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on July 16, 2019

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.

When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.

Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.

Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.

1. Become Grateful for Everything

When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.

People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.

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When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.

We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.

2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself

Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.

Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?

Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.

If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.

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3. Help Others

Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.

Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.

Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.

4. Change Your Thinking

We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.

The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”

Changing our self-talk is powerful.

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5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.

As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.

Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.

6. Get into Action

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.

Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.

Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity

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7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim

You are responsible for your thoughts.

People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.

Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.

Make positive choices in favor of yourself.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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