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10 Reasons Humorous People Are Amazing Partners

10 Reasons Humorous People Are Amazing Partners

Let’s face it. When your partner is humorous, life is just brighter, funnier, less stressful and you feel so much better. A sulky or bad tempered partner just cannot compete. It is just a different ball game. Let us look and see why humorous people make great partners and if there is any research to back this up.

1. They create a stronger bond.

When your partner can joke or make you laugh, then there’s an immediate bond because you are sharing an experience which is pleasurable and fun. When somebody told me that their partner’s laugh was never far away, it was a confirmation that their relationship was solid and stable. Laughter is contagious and it can lighten everything up. It does not mean that your partner is superficial or never takes things seriously. This is a common misconception.

2. They can reduce nagging to a minimum.

“Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.” – Proverbs 21:9

Substitute the word wife with husband or partner. Instead of turning into a nag, they can use humor effectively. Look at the example of the wife who was tempted to nag her husband about leaving a dirty plate on the counter. She just said “Thanks for leaving me that ant feast last night.” Humor can also save you from becoming little more than a nag.

3. They make better sexual partners.

According to one anthropologist, women are attracted to men with humor because they regard it instinctively as a sign that they are more intelligent. This immediately puts them in the fast track as gaining success in career and also status. Although this study was specifically about humorous men, experts agree that humor makes for better mating success, whichever gender is involved. However, men prefer women who can laugh at their jokes, one research study shows.

4. They can laugh at their own defects.

Being humorous about their habits and obsessions can really help get the balance right in a relationship. Joking and teasing can also help each partner to put things into perspective and help avoid tension. It also helps them put these in their proper place, without letting them dominate a rapport. It is not true that these jokes are necessarily covering up some cracks in the relationship.

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5. They know when humor will be an asset.

In early dating, a sense of humor is a great asset and it is also a sign that a couple may click. Finding things which are mutually funny creates a great initial bond. But if the woman does not find the man’s jokes funny, it would be better not to laugh at them, according to Eric Bressler in an article in Evolution and Human Behavior.

6. They have a definite advantage when starting to date.

Perhaps it is no surprise to learn that the Tinder messages that get the most replies are those that are playful, funny and humorous. They are demonstrating in a fun way that they are likely to be superior intellectually and much more interesting than those who cannot make a joke, a clever pun, or a play on words. A simple “hey”, “what’s up” or “ur cute” can’t compare. You need to stand out from the crowd, like the example below.

“This girl had only three pictures and no profile description of herself. The last photo was of her looking over a beautiful bay. She had a serious and contemplative look on her face. My first message to her was “Photo 3: Maria gazed over the beautiful and foggy bay wondering what was for dinner.” That was a winner with her” – Guy talking about humorous messages on Tinder.

 7. They lead healthier lives.

They may not be aware of all the medical implications but having a good laugh is really good for their health and yours. Nothing like a belly laugh to get some air full of oxygen into your heart, lungs and muscles. That process, like physical exercise, releases endorphins in the brain and you will be in a better mood. In the long term, the benefits for health are enormous as it provides pain relief and even improves your immune system. The next time your partner makes you laugh, enjoy it even more by reflecting on how good this is for your health.

8. They need humor because things can get too serious.

Some people claim that being around funny people is all a bit exhausting as you have to laugh at their jokes all the time and they are never really serious. But if you take away all the humor, life is deadly dull and we become wrapped up in our own circumstances, negative thoughts and fears. So, when a humorous partner can lift you out of that, she or he is helping us to look at the funny side, to see another point of view and get out of our worry zone.

9. They never use humor destructively.

It is true that some humorous individuals are not so charming, funny and delightful. What about those colleagues who use so called humor for hurtful teasing, bullying and delighting in people’s misfortune or bad luck? There are other psychological aspects of humor to be considered. For example, when or if they indulge in this type of humor to use it in attacking persons on the basis of their religious beliefs, sexual orientation or race. I would run a mile from a person like that, wouldn’t you?

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10. They help to lift you on to another planet.

“Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes.

Escaping reality is not always possible but a humorous partner will help you to temporarily escape. That is worth so much. The only problem is that you have to use other criteria, apart from humor, so choose wisely!

“Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.” – Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Featured photo credit: Tarde n parquet/ Joao Paulo de Vasconcelos via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

Reference

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