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10 Reasons Humorous People Are Amazing Partners

10 Reasons Humorous People Are Amazing Partners

Let’s face it. When your partner is humorous, life is just brighter, funnier, less stressful and you feel so much better. A sulky or bad tempered partner just cannot compete. It is just a different ball game. Let us look and see why humorous people make great partners and if there is any research to back this up.

1. They create a stronger bond.

When your partner can joke or make you laugh, then there’s an immediate bond because you are sharing an experience which is pleasurable and fun. When somebody told me that their partner’s laugh was never far away, it was a confirmation that their relationship was solid and stable. Laughter is contagious and it can lighten everything up. It does not mean that your partner is superficial or never takes things seriously. This is a common misconception.

2. They can reduce nagging to a minimum.

“Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.” – Proverbs 21:9

Substitute the word wife with husband or partner. Instead of turning into a nag, they can use humor effectively. Look at the example of the wife who was tempted to nag her husband about leaving a dirty plate on the counter. She just said “Thanks for leaving me that ant feast last night.” Humor can also save you from becoming little more than a nag.

3. They make better sexual partners.

According to one anthropologist, women are attracted to men with humor because they regard it instinctively as a sign that they are more intelligent. This immediately puts them in the fast track as gaining success in career and also status. Although this study was specifically about humorous men, experts agree that humor makes for better mating success, whichever gender is involved. However, men prefer women who can laugh at their jokes, one research study shows.

4. They can laugh at their own defects.

Being humorous about their habits and obsessions can really help get the balance right in a relationship. Joking and teasing can also help each partner to put things into perspective and help avoid tension. It also helps them put these in their proper place, without letting them dominate a rapport. It is not true that these jokes are necessarily covering up some cracks in the relationship.

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5. They know when humor will be an asset.

In early dating, a sense of humor is a great asset and it is also a sign that a couple may click. Finding things which are mutually funny creates a great initial bond. But if the woman does not find the man’s jokes funny, it would be better not to laugh at them, according to Eric Bressler in an article in Evolution and Human Behavior.

6. They have a definite advantage when starting to date.

Perhaps it is no surprise to learn that the Tinder messages that get the most replies are those that are playful, funny and humorous. They are demonstrating in a fun way that they are likely to be superior intellectually and much more interesting than those who cannot make a joke, a clever pun, or a play on words. A simple “hey”, “what’s up” or “ur cute” can’t compare. You need to stand out from the crowd, like the example below.

“This girl had only three pictures and no profile description of herself. The last photo was of her looking over a beautiful bay. She had a serious and contemplative look on her face. My first message to her was “Photo 3: Maria gazed over the beautiful and foggy bay wondering what was for dinner.” That was a winner with her” – Guy talking about humorous messages on Tinder.

 7. They lead healthier lives.

They may not be aware of all the medical implications but having a good laugh is really good for their health and yours. Nothing like a belly laugh to get some air full of oxygen into your heart, lungs and muscles. That process, like physical exercise, releases endorphins in the brain and you will be in a better mood. In the long term, the benefits for health are enormous as it provides pain relief and even improves your immune system. The next time your partner makes you laugh, enjoy it even more by reflecting on how good this is for your health.

8. They need humor because things can get too serious.

Some people claim that being around funny people is all a bit exhausting as you have to laugh at their jokes all the time and they are never really serious. But if you take away all the humor, life is deadly dull and we become wrapped up in our own circumstances, negative thoughts and fears. So, when a humorous partner can lift you out of that, she or he is helping us to look at the funny side, to see another point of view and get out of our worry zone.

9. They never use humor destructively.

It is true that some humorous individuals are not so charming, funny and delightful. What about those colleagues who use so called humor for hurtful teasing, bullying and delighting in people’s misfortune or bad luck? There are other psychological aspects of humor to be considered. For example, when or if they indulge in this type of humor to use it in attacking persons on the basis of their religious beliefs, sexual orientation or race. I would run a mile from a person like that, wouldn’t you?

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10. They help to lift you on to another planet.

“Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes.

Escaping reality is not always possible but a humorous partner will help you to temporarily escape. That is worth so much. The only problem is that you have to use other criteria, apart from humor, so choose wisely!

“Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.” – Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Featured photo credit: Tarde n parquet/ Joao Paulo de Vasconcelos via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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