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10 Reasons Why Book Lovers Are Good Lovers

10 Reasons Why Book Lovers Are Good Lovers

Book lovers are great lovers. People who love art, including books, are more attuned to the nuances of love making and what makes a person “tick.” They have several characteristics that distinguish them from people that rarely pick up a book to read. Most of all, they are able to stay in the moment and be fully present as they are generally more introverted.

According to both 2006 and 2009 studies published by Raymond Mar, a psychologist at York University in Canada, and Keith Oakley, a professor of cognitive psychology at the University of Toronto, people that enjoy reading might be more compassionate and have more empathy.The researchers used the term “theory of mind” to describe empathy as the ability to respect other people’s opinions, beliefs, and interests. This quality also makes them better lovers.

Another study in 2006 completed in Europe found that people that enjoy reading fiction throughout their lives also show better social skills and empathy, although the same study didn’t find the same results for people who read non-fiction primarily. Reading fiction can be compared to dating thousands of different characters.

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1. They are more in touch with their own emotions as well as their lover’s emotions.

Book lovers have a capacity for understanding emotions better as they have taken time, through reading books, to witness a variety of human emotions and grasp what their partners emotional needs are.

Love making is not just about the right technique or approach. Book lovers understand that human emotions are complex and have learned about the importance of emotions through reading books and identifying themselves with different characters. A key aspect of sexual power is emotional intimacy and being capable of compassion.

2. They are open-minded and willing to learn new things.

Book lovers are generally fascinated by other cultures, habits, and worldview. They are not afraid to try new things and that includes exploring new positions and new ways of relating to their lovers in a sensuous way. They are not afraid to explore uncharted territory.

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3. They are sensitive to their lovers’ needs.

Book lovers are more attuned to their lovers needs. Just think about Lady Chatterley’s lover. Words have power and we all want to be not just loved, but also understood. They inquire about their lovers’ needs and are willing to please them. They’ve learned what it means to be a man or a woman.

4. They are great listeners and communicators

Book lovers have acquired great language skills. They will write you great letters and even poems. They don’t just give short answers; they are capable of deep thoughts and profound theories.

5. They make time and don’t rush

Book lovers are able to stay in the moment and this is something that they had acquired from reading. Reading is based on being able to let go off other thoughts and focus on the story at hand. It is almost like they are in the story themselves. They are able to pay attention to all of the senses including touch, smell, taste, and voice. They are mindful and they may even have a meditation practice which helps them to be more mindful during love making.

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6. They are wise

Book lovers are not just smart, they are wise. They have acquired a skill of introspection through reading books. They can be witty and they have higher cognitive functions than the average non-reader. They are also capable of spotting patterns and are able to communicate more thoroughly and effectively.

7. They are great story tellers

Book lovers have great communications skills and vocabulary and they are able to create a loving and sensuous environment. They use images, senses, and symbols to heighten the senses and the experience of love making.

8. They are supportive and non-judgmental

Book lovers have learned that to be not just good but great lovers, they need to act more like their heroes in their books. They are generally supportive and non-judgmental, which is really important in love making. Lovers need to feel at ease with their bodies and their love making.

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9. They are generally non-materialistic and value art and the finer things in life

Book lovers know that there is much more to life than just acquiring money and assets. They love all kinds of art, including books and movies which makes them more appealing to their lovers. They have more depth and they are able to entertain their lovers by reading great quotes from their favorite authors. They may know about suffering and loss and they have found comfort in books.

10. They know themselves

Book lovers know what pleases them or displeases them. As a result, they are better able to express both their emotional and sexual needs. The language of love making includes thoughts and perceptions that unite rather than separate. Think of the metaphor “two hearts beating as one.”

Featured photo credit: Young man reading a book via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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