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12 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Woman Who Doesn’t Mind Being Single

12 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Woman Who Doesn’t Mind Being Single

Being single is this amazing woman’s choice, not because she has been blacklisted by half of the population. She buys her own flowers and decorates her own soul; under no misconception that she is defined by having a partner. She doesn’t worry about her relationship status because she is fulfilled with herself, with her life and choices and dreams and purpose. She is also probably surrounded by suitors because well, confidence is sexy. And there are things you need to understand if you are one of these that hope to woo her.

1. She’s probably had her heart broken recently.

This means she will be extra cautious, fragile, sensitive and aware.

2. She’s not looking to take care of you.

Your laundry, cooking and “atta-boys” are not her responsibility. She needs you to understand your role as a lover and partner, not mother, maid or shrink.

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3. She knows what she’s into.

At a certain age we all know how we like our coffee, how we like our steak, and how we like our men (or women). This self-awareness is hard-won and in a way, liberating. She respects the bumps and bruises that led to this knowledge.

4. She’s a lion and a princess.

Is she sitting around and waiting to be rescued? Ha! Hardly. She’s a lion, out there taking charge and making her own way in the world. She does however, appreciate gallantry and courtesy. And will treat you in kind.

5. She’s looking for a partner, not a crutch (if she’s looking at all).

She likes inspiration, a cheer squad in her corner and a complex and challenging partner, but she doesn’t need it. There is nothing about a needy relationship that thrills her. She’s complete and validated with herself and through herself. Sexy, isn’t it?

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6. She appreciates the freedom to make a sandwich at 2a.m. Naked.

Living alone has certain appeal: freedom. She recognizes this and revels in it. Asking permission and incessant/unnecessary contact is not appealing, believe me.

7. She expects you to have your own life, because she certainly has hers.

She knows a person cannot make another person whole or complete. A relationship is there to enrich your lives and share with each other, so seeing you have your own friends and hobbies gives her a great sense of relief.

8. She flies solo really well.

She likes talking to strangers, exploring new things, trying new food, traveling. These make her feel connected and adventurous. Her self-esteem, self-awareness and self-reflection are all high and accurate. Not that she’s perfect. But she’s damn close and having fun experiencing all that she can!

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9. She’s her own “Killer of Spiders”.

For this, she deserves a badge of honor. There are handymen- tinkering around fixing parts and problems. She doesn’t need a handyman because she’s her own; from fixing her car to exterminating arachnids, she’s got this.

10. She lives and loves wholly.

She doesn’t settle for less in a romantic relationship (that is courage and strong will). She does however love her family, friends and previous partners. She is giving to all who she loves and just because a previous relationship ended, doesn’t mean it ended with animosity.

11. She’s enjoying it.

She might not be “attached” or in the “it’s serious” stage, but you can be certain she’s having a hell of a time dating.

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12. She’s a straight shooter.

That stuff we did in middle school: the gossip, insincere compliments, dramatic ploys for attention? It’s not in her repertoire, there’s no point and it makes no one feel good. Which doesn’t mean she doesn’t engage in witty repartee, she just chooses to respect herself and others.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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