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5 Reasons to Embrace Vulnerability

5 Reasons to Embrace Vulnerability

In 2010, Brené Brown gave a TedTalk revolving around the concept of the power of vulnerability. She discusses the importance of expanding one’s comfort zone, and the many positive effects doing so can have on a person. Despite being quite nervous about giving the talk herself, Brown accomplished her goal of proving the power of vulnerability not just by giving the speech, but also through the response the public has had to her video. The most important effects vulnerability has on people are:

1. Vulnerability allows advancement

Of course, trying something new is always scary. Whether you’re a kindergartner on your first day of school, or a recent college graduate wondering what to do with your life, you’re most likely going to feel some unease about taking the next step forward. It’s natural, and it’s totally okay to feel this way. However, what’s not okay is letting this fear stop you from forging ahead. Expanding your comfort zone is an important step, not just for your own life, but for humanity as a whole. The most important social reforms and technological advancements occurred because a single person stepped out of his comfort zone, and ended up changing the world.

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2. Vulnerability leads to increased abilities

Those who embrace vulnerability are not scared of the unknown. In fact, they strive to learn and do everything they possibly can. Instead of their inner voice telling them “You can’t do this,” their voice says “You can’t do this…yet.” They view that which they cannot do as a challenge to be overcome, rather than an insurmountable obstacle. Of course, they know it won’t be easy, but that doesn’t stop them from trying. On the contrary, those who embrace vulnerability tend to welcome challenges, and get bored when life is too easy. By acknowledging their shortcomings, they always have goals to accomplish, and will continue to grow on a daily basis.

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3. Vulnerability allows openness with others

People who accept their own vulnerability are incredibly open about their lives. This accomplishes two goals: For one, being open with others results in finding true compatibility. For those with high expectations of their own lives, it’s important for them to surround themselves with friends and family who support them, and continue to push them further. On the other hand, being open with superficial friends who might not be so receptive of such behavior is a good way to weed out the toxic relationships in one’s life. Although they might be considered friends, it’s important to realize that getting along with someone doesn’t necessarily make them good for you or your life goals. It’s important to known who will really be there for you in the long run, and who’s only around for the fun times.

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4. Vulnerability allows openness to self

It seems counterintuitive, but embracing vulnerability can build self-confidence. By putting yourself on stage for all to see, physically or metaphorically, such as Brené did during her TedTalk, you’re inviting your audience to comment on your performance and abilities. Of course, this can be incredibly scary and intimidating, but it can also be truly rewarding. Especially in today’s connected world, in which billions of people could be reading this right now (I wish!), it’s a given that there will be a large percentage of people who disagree with what you’re saying. Aside from the trolls obviously looking to get a rise out of you, listen to those who disagree; they’ll teach you a lot about a variety of perspectives, and will help you grow. Of course, there will definitely be those who completely agree with you, and you can always fall back on their supportive comments when you feel discouraged.

5. Vulnerability makes discomfort comfortable

Again, just writing that makes it seem counterintuitive, but the more you embrace vulnerability and the state of being uncomfortable, the more comfortable you will be with expanding your comfort zone. Confused? Sorry about that. Maybe this anecdote will clear it up: I remember a year ago speaking with a colleague on a Monday about what we did over the weekend. At the time, my boring answer was “I did absolutely nothing and I loved it.” She responded with, “Oh man, I’m not like that at all. I have to keep moving or I feel worthless.” I then found out that not only is she a teacher, mother, and wife, but she also helps run a deli. Sure, she complained about being tired like we all do, but she finds being tired a worthy trade-off for all the other amazing things she has going in her life. To her, sleeping comfortably until noon would actually be uncomfortable. And it makes sense: Why waste the life you’ve been blessed with when you can take full advantage of all of your abilities, and change the world, and yourself, in the process?

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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