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4 Reasons Why You Should Not Look Through Your Partner’s Phone

4 Reasons Why You Should Not Look Through Your Partner’s Phone

Your partner gets up and off the couch and tells you “I’m going to take a shower. I’ll be out in a bit.”

You say “Okay.”

Then a minute later you hear the bathroom door lock, the shower turn on, and finally, the pleasant sound of water crashing on the tub. And then it hits you! Your partner left their phone right next to you, and you have a sudden and profound urge to look through it!

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You know the password and you know you can easily search through it while they’re in the shower. You know you have at least 10, if not 15 minutes to go to town on their text messages and even email, and you have a burning desire to do just that! You justify your actions in your head and ready yourself to scour through it.

But here are 4 reasons why that is a terrible idea!

1. You’re Violating Their Trust In You

Your partner has put trust in you by leaving their phone out in the open. They have shown respect and faith in you, so at the very least, you should offer them the same in return. By secretly searching through their phone, you’re breaking this trust and respect.

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2. You’re Setting Your Relationship Back

By violating the trust you seemingly had with your partner, you set your relationship back. Whether you find anything suspicious doesn’t matter. The fact that you don’t trust your companion shows that you’re not heading in the right direction with them. The insecurity of believing that they are not committed to you speaks volumes about where you really are with them. By hiding something, you only traverse further in the wrong direction!

3. Many Different Negative Scenarios Can Play Out

If you do decide to look through their phone, all sorts of unintended consequences can play out. For one, your partner can catch you—which would not only be incredibly awkward, but potentially relationship-ending! Nobody wants someone who secretively and connivingly goes through their stuff when they’re not around. If your partner catches you doing this, there is a decent chance they will end things with you.

You could also see something you weren’t meant to see. There are certain personal things that your partner does not need to be sharing, and you might happen to stumble upon one of these things. From awkward pictures of themselves that were intended only for them to see, to really personal messages between them and their family or friends, to weird searches they’ve made on Google. “Some stones are better left unturned,” as the saying goes, and this cannot be better emphasized than in looking through someone’s phone. You may not like what you see.

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4. You Wouldn’t Want Them To Do It

If it were you going into that shower, you know for sure that you would not want your partner going through your stuff! Who would? Some people obviously wouldn’t care as much as others about this, especially those who have nothing to hide, but even still, nobody would enjoy somebody else secretly invading their privacy.

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

This is typically the most effective expression for interacting with other people. If you wouldn’t want someone doing something to you, you should probably not do it to them either.

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Instead of trying to look through their phone when they are not around, try being more upfront and honest with them about things. If you suspect they may be hiding something, ask them. Talk to them before secretly breaking their trust. This upfront honesty is far better than secretively going through their personal information when they are not around. If you truly have trust with your partner, however, you won’t even have to consider this option.

If you still feel an urge to do this, then you should seriously question your relationship. Perhaps you are with someone who doesn’t really want to be with you. Or perhaps you are with someone whom you really don’t want to be with! Either way, there is definitely a deeper, underlying issue at hand.

Featured photo credit: Japanexperterna.se via flickr.com

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Justin Stenstrom

Nationally-Acclaimed Life Coach

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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