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7 Reasons most people are afraid of love!

7 Reasons most people are afraid of love!

Sometimes we just can’t really commit to a partner, though he or she could be the one. Being afraid of love can keep us from leading a happy and loving life. Here are 7 reasons why most people are afraid of love. Read on and find out if you can relate to them.

1. Unrealistic Expectations

In this modern era, you come across many stories, articles or movies about love.They create a frame of references about how you want your partner to be, and lead you to comparing this ideal with your partner. Finding that the qualities you were expecting are missing with your partner makes you feel bad about them. Love is supposed to mean finding a person who really matches your soul, but after this effect of social homage in your mind because you compare your love, you expect something that matches those social norms instead of your soul.

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2. Fear of losing one’s self for a partner

When a person finds someone they love, they find it morally correct to accept their parner’s tastes and struggles without allowing their own thoughts to contradict them. By doing that, the original image they had of themselves gets blurry. The original person and the person which their loved one wants them to be are constnatly fighting to take over.

3. Fear of rejection

Kakorrhaphiophobia, as it is said, means fear of rejection. When love flows through body, emotions are produced. These emotions play the role the role of lava, as they can either create a land for your livelihood or can destroy it. So there is this fear of rejection at any stage of your relationship.

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4. Inferior past experiences

It is known that what we are today (our personality, behavior) is what our past events have made of us. Whenever there is a situation when you’re judging something, you will probably rather decide for the side which you can relate to, because of experiences in your past. Whenever something affects you deeply, your mind creates a picture of it, which will make it harder for you to decide in the future because the picture it has created could clash with your new situation.

5. You are afraid that it might not work

As it is said, “Love is magic and magic is just an illusion”. The magic of love spreads its fragrance as soon as you go along with it. But even if the fragrance might be the one of a rose, every rose has thorns. So the possibility of failing at your love life is the same as getting a head while flipping a coin. The fear of failure is a quiet natural phenomenon which deprecates the relationships which do not come naturally.

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6. New relationships affect older ones

Your family relationships could get ruptured as soon as your partner comes out of the cocoon and steps into your everyday life. The priorities change as time passes, and there comes a time when telling a lie for your loved one won’t bother you. The friends who used to be at the top of your priority list will now occupy the second place. Because your first priority is now your loved one. But the fight for first placecan be really close, and it is the rule of love that you need to pay for every decision you make, as it might affect you tomorrow.

7. Love does not arrive alone

When love comes into your life, it’s not alone, it comes with time consuming responsibilities and the need for space for the loved ones. Love can becomes a serious distraction for someone who is targeting a goal, as love and time are directly proportional and can go as long as you want. But after a certain period of time of being in a relationship, love becomes everlasting and time flies by. It feels good to spare that extra time for your loved one, even if it takes your time away from working on your goal. But, every case is not the same. Some do manage the sleepless nights for their love as well as for their work.

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Featured photo credit: picjumbo.com via picjumbo.com

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Deep Kakkad

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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