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7 Reasons most people are afraid of love!

7 Reasons most people are afraid of love!

Sometimes we just can’t really commit to a partner, though he or she could be the one. Being afraid of love can keep us from leading a happy and loving life. Here are 7 reasons why most people are afraid of love. Read on and find out if you can relate to them.

1. Unrealistic Expectations

In this modern era, you come across many stories, articles or movies about love.They create a frame of references about how you want your partner to be, and lead you to comparing this ideal with your partner. Finding that the qualities you were expecting are missing with your partner makes you feel bad about them. Love is supposed to mean finding a person who really matches your soul, but after this effect of social homage in your mind because you compare your love, you expect something that matches those social norms instead of your soul.

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2. Fear of losing one’s self for a partner

When a person finds someone they love, they find it morally correct to accept their parner’s tastes and struggles without allowing their own thoughts to contradict them. By doing that, the original image they had of themselves gets blurry. The original person and the person which their loved one wants them to be are constnatly fighting to take over.

3. Fear of rejection

Kakorrhaphiophobia, as it is said, means fear of rejection. When love flows through body, emotions are produced. These emotions play the role the role of lava, as they can either create a land for your livelihood or can destroy it. So there is this fear of rejection at any stage of your relationship.

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4. Inferior past experiences

It is known that what we are today (our personality, behavior) is what our past events have made of us. Whenever there is a situation when you’re judging something, you will probably rather decide for the side which you can relate to, because of experiences in your past. Whenever something affects you deeply, your mind creates a picture of it, which will make it harder for you to decide in the future because the picture it has created could clash with your new situation.

5. You are afraid that it might not work

As it is said, “Love is magic and magic is just an illusion”. The magic of love spreads its fragrance as soon as you go along with it. But even if the fragrance might be the one of a rose, every rose has thorns. So the possibility of failing at your love life is the same as getting a head while flipping a coin. The fear of failure is a quiet natural phenomenon which deprecates the relationships which do not come naturally.

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6. New relationships affect older ones

Your family relationships could get ruptured as soon as your partner comes out of the cocoon and steps into your everyday life. The priorities change as time passes, and there comes a time when telling a lie for your loved one won’t bother you. The friends who used to be at the top of your priority list will now occupy the second place. Because your first priority is now your loved one. But the fight for first placecan be really close, and it is the rule of love that you need to pay for every decision you make, as it might affect you tomorrow.

7. Love does not arrive alone

When love comes into your life, it’s not alone, it comes with time consuming responsibilities and the need for space for the loved ones. Love can becomes a serious distraction for someone who is targeting a goal, as love and time are directly proportional and can go as long as you want. But after a certain period of time of being in a relationship, love becomes everlasting and time flies by. It feels good to spare that extra time for your loved one, even if it takes your time away from working on your goal. But, every case is not the same. Some do manage the sleepless nights for their love as well as for their work.

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Featured photo credit: picjumbo.com via picjumbo.com

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Deep Kakkad

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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