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7 Reasons most people are afraid of love!

7 Reasons most people are afraid of love!

Sometimes we just can’t really commit to a partner, though he or she could be the one. Being afraid of love can keep us from leading a happy and loving life. Here are 7 reasons why most people are afraid of love. Read on and find out if you can relate to them.

1. Unrealistic Expectations

In this modern era, you come across many stories, articles or movies about love.They create a frame of references about how you want your partner to be, and lead you to comparing this ideal with your partner. Finding that the qualities you were expecting are missing with your partner makes you feel bad about them. Love is supposed to mean finding a person who really matches your soul, but after this effect of social homage in your mind because you compare your love, you expect something that matches those social norms instead of your soul.

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2. Fear of losing one’s self for a partner

When a person finds someone they love, they find it morally correct to accept their parner’s tastes and struggles without allowing their own thoughts to contradict them. By doing that, the original image they had of themselves gets blurry. The original person and the person which their loved one wants them to be are constnatly fighting to take over.

3. Fear of rejection

Kakorrhaphiophobia, as it is said, means fear of rejection. When love flows through body, emotions are produced. These emotions play the role the role of lava, as they can either create a land for your livelihood or can destroy it. So there is this fear of rejection at any stage of your relationship.

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4. Inferior past experiences

It is known that what we are today (our personality, behavior) is what our past events have made of us. Whenever there is a situation when you’re judging something, you will probably rather decide for the side which you can relate to, because of experiences in your past. Whenever something affects you deeply, your mind creates a picture of it, which will make it harder for you to decide in the future because the picture it has created could clash with your new situation.

5. You are afraid that it might not work

As it is said, “Love is magic and magic is just an illusion”. The magic of love spreads its fragrance as soon as you go along with it. But even if the fragrance might be the one of a rose, every rose has thorns. So the possibility of failing at your love life is the same as getting a head while flipping a coin. The fear of failure is a quiet natural phenomenon which deprecates the relationships which do not come naturally.

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6. New relationships affect older ones

Your family relationships could get ruptured as soon as your partner comes out of the cocoon and steps into your everyday life. The priorities change as time passes, and there comes a time when telling a lie for your loved one won’t bother you. The friends who used to be at the top of your priority list will now occupy the second place. Because your first priority is now your loved one. But the fight for first placecan be really close, and it is the rule of love that you need to pay for every decision you make, as it might affect you tomorrow.

7. Love does not arrive alone

When love comes into your life, it’s not alone, it comes with time consuming responsibilities and the need for space for the loved ones. Love can becomes a serious distraction for someone who is targeting a goal, as love and time are directly proportional and can go as long as you want. But after a certain period of time of being in a relationship, love becomes everlasting and time flies by. It feels good to spare that extra time for your loved one, even if it takes your time away from working on your goal. But, every case is not the same. Some do manage the sleepless nights for their love as well as for their work.

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Featured photo credit: picjumbo.com via picjumbo.com

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Deep Kakkad

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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