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These Are The Times When You Should Not Say Anything

These Are The Times When You Should Not Say Anything

Silence at the appropriate moment can speak louder than words. Keeping quiet displays the wisdom, emotional maturity and confidence that will lead you to success. Here are 11 instances when you should not say anything:

1. When the other side misunderstands and you don’t have a duty to talk

Why waste words when the other side is not making the effort to understand what you have to say? Silence can never be misquoted. Let them learn through experience and you will save your peace of mind.

2. When two parties are arguing

Don’t get involved. If you intervene you may come under fire. Maintaining stoic silence on your part is best.

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3. When you have no idea what you’re talking about

Empty vessels make more noise. It is best not to say anything if you have nothing meaningful to say. Your words will carry more value when you speak only to make a sensible point.

4. When you need someone else to get the credit

You reflect quiet confidence in your abilities when you smile and let your boss or team take the credit for your work. The goodwill thus created will ensure your success in the long run.

5. When you are bragging instead of sharing

It’s best to be humble and let others appreciate you than to toot your own horn. Quietly focus on your work and let your hard work speak for you. Walgreens CEO Greg Wasson maintains “Confident humility and humble confidence,” on a regular basis.

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6. When your comment is more about you than others

Listening more is a great art of conversation. Check yourself when you are not including others or letting them express themselves as they will get bored of your narcissism and you will soon find yourself isolated.

7. When you want someone else to grow

Some people will criticize you just to provoke you into an argument. Don’t allow them the pleasure.Take the high road and show restraint. They are coming from a point of weakness themselves and would love to see you react negatively. Being silent makes you more powerful.

8. When the other party in negotiation starts debating against itself

Silence is the best reply in a negotiation. Many people feel uncomfortable in conversation gaps and may start revealing more than they should. You can then pick a weak point that will work in your favor.

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9. When you want to avoid angry outbursts

Don’t be like the matchstick that flares up on slightest friction. It causes destruction and then fizzles out for good. Move away to a quieter place. Drink some cold water if possible. Take deep breaths and calm your mind. Anger clouds your understanding. If you were wrong, there is room for rational brainstorming. If it’s righteous anger, silence is the best way to let the other person know they did wrong. Emotional self-control saves you from damaging your relationships.

10. When you want to listen to your inner voice

When I want to make major decisions, I find a quiet spot where I can be alone. Away from external distractions, I try to silence the inner clutter of my mind. Breathing deeply always works. Sitting in silence with a calm mind gives me a clearer perspective on things.

When you listen to your inner voice, you can problem-solve most effectively. According to international best-selling author and wellness expert Dr Deepak Chopra, listening to yourself in stillness increases creativity and lowers stress.

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11. When you receive negative feedback from your superiors

Accept it quietly, assess it, learn from it, improve and grow.

Iris Johansen rightfully said that “Silence and Smile are two powerful tools of successful people. Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems.”

Featured photo credit: These are the times when you should not say anything/ Stoney Steiner via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 11, 2020

Why Work Life Balance Doesn’t Exist (And How to Stay Sane)

Why Work Life Balance Doesn’t Exist (And How to Stay Sane)

If you’ve ever felt like work-life balance isn’t really possible, you may be right.

Actually, I think work-life balance doesn’t exist. Whether you’re an entrepreneur or a rising star in the corporate world, work is always going to overflow from your 9 to 5 into your personal life. And if you have ambitions of becoming successful in just about any capacity, you’re going to have to make sacrifices.

Which is why, instead of striving for the unrealistic goal of “work-life balance,” I use a combination of rituals, tools, and coping mechanisms that allows me to thrive on a day-to-day basis.

Of course, moments still arise when I may feel overloaded with work and a bit out of balance, but with these daily rituals in place, I am able to feel grounded instead of feeling like I’m losing my mind.

Here are five daily practices I use to stay focused and balanced despite a jam-packed work schedule:

1. Pause (Frequently!) to Remember That You Chose This Path

Regardless of which path you take in life, it’s important to remind yourself that you are the one who chose the path you’re on.

For example, one of the joys of being an entrepreneur is that you experience a significant amount of freedom. Unfortunately, in moments of stress, it’s easy to forget that choice goes both ways: you chose to go your own way, and you chose the obstacles that come with that journey.

Remember: tomorrow, you could choose to leave your job, shut down your company, and go move to a farm in the middle of nowhere. The choice is yours.

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Whenever I catch myself thinking, “Why am I doing this?” I simply remember, “Oh, wait. I chose this.” And if I want to, I can choose another option. But at this moment, I own it because I chose it.

That simple mental shift can help me move from feeling out of control to in control. It’s empowering.

2. Use ‘Rocks’ to Prioritize Your Tasks

Sometimes having a to-do list is more overwhelming than it is helpful.

The daily tasks of anyone in a high-stakes, high-responsibility role are never-ending. Literally. No matter how many items you check off your list, each day adds just as many new ones, and even after a full day it can often feel like you haven’t accomplished anything.

So instead, I use “rocks”—a strategy I learned from performance coach Bill Nelson.

Say you have a glass container and a variety of rocks, divided into groups of large, mid-sized, and small rocks, and then some sand. If you put the small rocks in first, you’re not going to be able to fit everything in your container. But if you put the big rocks in first, then the mid-sized, and, finally, the small, they’ll all fit. And at the end, the sand fills the extra space.

The point of this strategy is to designate a handful of your biggest priorities for the week—let’s say five tasks—as the things you absolutely have to get done that week. Write them down somewhere.

Then, even if you accomplish nothing else but those five things, you’re going to feel better, since you completed the important tasks. You’ve made progress!

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Identifying your “rocks” is a better way of tracking progress and ensuring that you focus on the most critical things. You can create rocks on a weekly or even daily basis.

Some days, when I’m feeling the most frenzied, I say to myself, “You know what? Let’s boil it down. If I accomplish nothing else today and I just do these three things, it will be a good day.”

3. The PEW12 Method

Of all the daily practices I follow, Purge Emotional Writing (PEW12), which I learned from Dr. Habib Sadeghi, is my favorite.[1]

Here’s how it works:

Pick a topic, set a timer for 12 minutes, and just write.

You may be dealing with a specific issue you need to vent about, or you may be free-writing as emotions surface. It doesn’t matter what you’re writing or what your handwriting looks like, because you’re never going to re-read it.

At the end, burn the pages.

As the paper burns, you will feel all of those emotions you’ve just poured out either being reduced or dissipating completely. Both the writing process—which is literally unloading all of your unnecessary stuff—and the burning of the pages feel incredibly cathartic.

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And you can do PEW12 as frequently or infrequently as you feel you need it—once, twice, or multiple times a day.  

The reason I find this exercise so helpful is because, sometimes, I get in my head about a difficult issue or troubling interaction with someone, even when I know there is nothing to be done about it.

But as soon as I do my PEW12, I feel a sense of relief. I have more clarity. And I stop circling and circling the issue in my head. It makes things feel resolved. Just try it.

4. Set Sacred Time (Like a 20-Minute Walk or Evening Bath)

Outside of work, you have to try to protect some time for restoration and quiet. I call this sacred time.

For example, every single night I take a bath. This is a chance to literally wash off the day and any of the energy from the people, interactions, or experiences that I don’t want to take to bed with me.

I actually remodeled a bathroom in my house solely for this purpose. The bath ritual—which includes Himalayan bath salts, essential oils, and a five-minute meditation—is the ultimate “me time” and allows me to go to bed feeling peaceful and relaxed.

And while sacred time to end the day is crucial, I like to start the day with these types of practices, too.

In the mornings, I take my dog Bernard for a walk—and I use those 20 minutes to set my intention for the day. I don’t take my phone with me. I don’t think about the endless to-do list. I just enjoy listening to the birds and breathing in the sunshine, while Bernard stops to say hi to the neighbors and their dogs.

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These might seem like ordinary daily activities, but it’s the commitment to doing them day after day that makes all the difference.

5. Forgive Yourself When You Fail to Use the Tools

Sometimes our intention to follow “daily” practices falls flat. When this happens to me, I try not to beat myself up about it. After all, these things are tools to make me feel good. If they just become another chore, what is the point?

At the end of the day, my daily practices don’t belong in my jar of rocks or on my to-do list or in my daily planner. They are there to serve me.

If, for some reason, life happens and I can’t do my practices, I won’t feel as good. It’s possible I won’t sleep as well that night, or I’ll feel a little guilty that I didn’t walk Bernard.

But that’s okay. It’s also a good practice to acknowledge my limits and let go of the need to do everything all the time.

The Bottom Line

For most people, accepting that work-life balance simply isn’t possible is the first step to feeling more grounded and in control of your life.

Don’t waste your energy trying to achieve something that doesn’t exist. Instead, focus on how you’re feeling when things are out of balance and find a way to address those feelings.

You’ll have a toolkit for feeling better when life feels crazy, and, on the off chance things feel calm and happy, your rituals will make you feel absolutely amazing!

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Featured photo credit: Dries De Schepper via unsplash.com

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