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7 Reasons Success Is Always Away From You

7 Reasons Success Is Always Away From You

“Be careful of the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful of the friends you choose for you will become like them.”

—W. Clement Stone (1902-2002) Author/Businessman

It is a fact of life: success is hard; failure is easy. If you want to succeed in life, you must do what needs to be done, work hard every day and never give up. If you wish to fail, you need to do whatever you feel like doing: sit on your butt and never start so you do not have to give up.

For those who are seeking the easy way in life, I have seven simple reasons that you stay right where you are. Each of the seven habits require you to do very little, and can be done by anyone and they are guaranteed to work when followed.

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1. You are lazy.

There is a difference between being lazy and getting rest. Rest requires you to do something to rest from and as French Dramatist, Jules Renard said, “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”

When we are lazy we take little notice that life is passing us by. To the lazy person, there is always tomorrow. To the success-minded person, there is only today. Since you cannot relive yesterday, and tomorrow never really gets here, all you have to work with is today. This dilemma is always ignored by the lazy person.

2. You are negative.

Many people develop the habit of negative thinking more out of convenience than out of experience. They think that somehow, if you believe everything will fail, then you just don’t have to try.

Success-minded people understand that positive thinking is not pretending that everything is find and happy. In fact, positive people see life as it really is. What success-minded people know is that for every problem there is a solution and for every challenge is a greater benefit.

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3. You make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin wisely said, “He who is good at making excuses is good at very little else.” One of the keys to success is that of personal responsibility. Excuse making robs us of the ability to take control and make changes in our own lives. It is always easier to blame someone or something for the fact that we just are not willing to put forth the effort to win.

Success-minded people are responsible people. Rather than spending their time thinking up excuses, they use their energy to think of answers. If you do not have excuses you have nothing you can do but succeed.

4. You hang out with defeated people.

It really is amazing that we become like the people we spend time with. If you are with people who are lazy, defeated and empty, you will become the same way. Then again, I believe that is the purpose for the company we choose. If our friends are not achieving anything, then we do not have to feel guilty for not achieving either.

You will find that successful and productive people spend their time with other successful and productive people. Those who can perform better than we can and are better skilled than we are help to pull us up and make us better. Another fact of life: It takes no effort for a dead fish to float downstream.

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5. You settle for the way things are.

“Sure I would like to succeed in life,” someone says, “but this is just the way it is and I cannot do anything about it.” This is what many really believe. Our Creator, in His great wisdom, gave us control over only one thing in the entire universe that is ourselves. Not only can you control your life, you are the only one that can.

One reason that some folks succeed and some just float downstream, is that those who succeed refuse to settle for the way things are. It is as former President John F. Kennedy said, “Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you in life.”

6. You expect nothing.

It is simple to figure out, if you expect nothing you will never be disappointed. Of course you will never get anything either. After all, we get what we expect to get. If you expect nothing or if you expect bad things, you get them. If you expect success or good things, you get those too.

Success-minded people expect to succeed, so they do. They expect to face challenges, so they face them willingly. They expect to win, so they win. It is as the great Zig Ziglar said, “You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.”

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7. You read nothing.

People who are successful read. People who are not successful do not read. Therefore, I really don’t think that many of those who I talk of in this piece are reading this at all. So why write it? To remind you, success-minded people, that your success and ability to achieve are not just by chance. It happened because you happened.

If you are still on that road to the achievement of your goals, keep going. Remember these lessons and do what it takes to win in life. It will take hard work, commitment, determination and desire to succeed, but these are the very things that make up the success-minded person. The fact that you read things that help you develop and learn is proof of that fact.

Featured photo credit: Sleepy bulldog by sabianmaggy via Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on March 25, 2020

How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

Habits are hard to kill, and rightly so. They are a part and parcel of your personality traits and mold your character.

However, habits are not always something over-the-top and quirky enough to get noticed. Think of subtle habits like tapping fingers when you are nervous and humming songs while you drive. These are nothing but ingrained habits that you may not realize easily.

Just take a few minutes and think of something specific that you do all the time. You will notice how it has become a habit for you without any explicit realization. Everything you do on a daily basis starting with your morning routine, lunch preferences to exercise routines are all habits.

Habits mostly form from life experiences and certain observed behaviors, not all of them are healthy. Habitual smoking can be dangerous to your health. Similarly, a habit could also make you lose out on enjoying something to its best – like how some people just cannot stop swaying their bodies when delivering a speech.

Thus, there could be a few habits that you would want to change about yourself. But changing habits is not as easy as it seems.

In this article, you will learn why it isn’t easy to build new habits, and how to change habits.

What Makes It Hard To Change A Habit?

To want to change a particular habit means to change something very fundamental about your behavior.[1] Hence, it’s necessary to understand how habits actually form and why they are so difficult to actually get out of.

The Biology

Habits form in a place what we call the subconscious mind in our brain.[2]

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Our brains have two modes of operation. The first one is an automatic pilot kind of system that is fast and works on reflexes often. It is what we call the subconscious part. This is the part that is associated with everything that comes naturally to you.

The second mode is the conscious mode where every action and decision is well thought out and follows a controlled way of thinking.

A fine example to distinguish both would be to consider yourself learning to drive or play an instrument. For the first time you try learning, you think before every movement you make. But once you have got the hang of it, you might drive without applying much thought into it.

Both systems work together in our brains at all times. When a habit is formed, it moves from the conscious part to the subconscious making it difficult to control.

So, the key idea in deconstructing a habit is to go from the subconscious to the conscious.

Another thing you have to understand about habits is that they can be conscious or hidden.

Conscious habits are those that require active input from your side. For instance, if you stop setting your alarm in the morning, you will stop waking up at the same time.

Hidden habits, on the other hand, are habits that we do without realizing. These make up the majority of our habits and we wouldn’t even know them until someone pointed them out. So the first difficulty in breaking these habits is to actually identify them. As they are internalized, they need a lot of attention to detail for self-identification. That’s not all.

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Habits can be physical, social, and mental, energy-based and even be particular to productivity. Understanding them is necessary to know why they are difficult to break and what can be done about them.

The Psychology

Habits get engraved into our memories depending on the way we think, feel and act over a particular period of time. The procedural part of memory deals with habit formation and studies have observed that various types of conditioning of behavior could affect your habit formations.

Classical conditioning or pavlovian conditioning is when you start associating a memory with reality.[3] A dog that associates ringing bell to food will start salivating. The same external stimuli such as the sound of church bells can make a person want to pray.

Operant conditioning is when experience and the feelings associated with it form a habit.[4] By encouraging or discouraging an act, individuals could either make it a habit or stop doing it.

Observational learning is another way habits could take form. A child may start walking the same way their parent does.

What Can You Do To Change a Habit?

Sure, habits are hard to control but it is not impossible. With a few tips and hard-driven dedication, you can surely get over your nasty habits.

Here are some ways that make use of psychological findings to help you:

1. Identify Your Habits

As mentioned earlier, habits can be quite subtle and hidden from your view. You have to bring your subconscious habits to an aware state of mind. You could do it by self-observation or by asking your friends or family to point out the habit for your sake.

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2. Find out the Impact of Your Habit

Every habit produces an effect – either physical or mental. Find out what exactly it is doing to you. Does it help you relieve stress or does it give you some pain relief?

It could be anything simple. Sometimes biting your nails could be calming your nerves. Understanding the effect of a habit is necessary to control it.

3. Apply Logic

You don’t need to be force-fed with wisdom and advice to know what an unhealthy habit could do to you.

Late-night binge-watching just before an important presentation is not going to help you. Take a moment and apply your own wisdom and logic to control your seemingly nastily habits.

4. Choose an Alternative

As I said, every habit induces some feeling. So, it could be quite difficult to get over it unless you find something else that can replace it. It can be a simple non-harming new habit that you can cultivate to get over a bad habit.

Say you have the habit of banging your head hard when you are angry. That’s going to be bad for you. Instead, the next time you are angry, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Or maybe start imagining yourself on a luxury yacht. Just think of something that will work for you.

5. Remove Triggers

Get rid of items and situations that can trigger your bad habit.

Stay away from smoke breaks if you are trying to quit it. Remove all those candy bars from the fridge if you want to control your sweet cravings.

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6. Visualize Change

Our brains can be trained to forget a habit if we start visualizing the change. Serious visualization is retained and helps as a motivator in breaking the habit loop.

For instance, to replace your habit of waking up late, visualize yourself waking up early and enjoying the early morning jog every day. By continuing this, you would naturally feel better to wake up early and do your new hobby.

7. Avoid Negative Talks and Thinking

Just as how our brain is trained to accept a change in habit, continuous negative talk and thinking could hamper your efforts put into breaking a habit.

Believe you can get out of it and assert yourself the same.

Final Thoughts

Changing habits isn’t easy, so do not expect an overnight change!

Habits took a long time to form. It could take a while to completely break out of it. You will have to accept that sometimes you may falter in your efforts. Don’t let negativity seep in when it seems hard. Keep going at it slowly and steadily.

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Featured photo credit: Mel via unsplash.com

Reference

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