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5 Ways to Build Your Boldness

5 Ways to Build Your Boldness

We all want to live bolder lives. This doesn’t mean being brash or obnoxious.

I define boldness as doing the right thing for your life, despite the fears and discomforts that are part of the process of changing and growing.

Some people have a bucket list; I have a discomfort list. I have been on a five-year journey to dismantle my comfort addictions, systematically defining what actions I do and don’t do in order to avoid feelings and experiences that are uncomfortable to me. In the process, I have overcome countless personal and professional obstacles, freeing me up in ways I could have never imagined!

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I am a typical human being, made up of the same stuff as everyone else. But when a normal person faces the truth of their comfort addictions, it’s amazing what that an altogether normal person can accomplish! Here is a list of some of the things I have achieved as a result of embracing discomfort in my own life. (And funny enough, several of these items are, in fact, bucket list items for me. See what I did there?!)

  • I have written two books, the latest of which was published by McGraw-Hill.
  • I lost 25 pounds.
  • I learned to dance the East Coast Swing and am now working on the rhumba.
  • I started taking jazz piano lessons and recorded a solo piano CD as a Christmas gift for my clients.
  • I have traveled to Germany, France, Costa Rica, Switzerland, Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Italy and throughout North America.
  • I threw out the first pitch at a San Diego Padres game.
  • I grew my business revenue by 300%.
  • To top it all off, I am currently enrolled in a “learn to play ice hockey” class. This dream/discomfort was especially difficult to embrace since I did not know how to even skate when I started! Not knowing how to skate when one is age 5 is one kind of discomfort. At my age, it is something else entirely.

Bottom line: I am having the time of my life because I embrace discomfort! Here’s how I’ve done it and how you can too.

1. Find a Victory

Start small. Boldness is like a muscle that needs to be developed a little at a time.

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Find some small discomfort you can overcome right now. (Ex: sending an email, making a phone call, filling out a form…choose a small, doable task.) Do this one small thing and then celebrate the intentionality of your achievement. And just like that: you’ve started embracing discomfort! Way to go!

2. Make a Discomfort List

Start by being honest about what holds you back. What have you not accomplished because it’s just uncomfortable? What task or conversation makes you cringe when you think about it? What goal has been haunting you for years? What do you regularly procrastinate on because it’s not fun? It is important to identify these opportunities by writing them all down, big or small. Make a list. It won’t be pretty, but it’s necessary. Just get it all out.

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3. Prioritize Your Discomfort Targets

Choose the most minuscule discomfort from your list and move it to the very top.

Build from there, ordering the list from the merely pesky discomforts to the epic ones. You don’t want to start with “repair the disrupted relationship with my father.”

The items at the beginning of your list should be more along the lines of “thin out the junk drawer in the kitchen.”

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4. Make a Decision BEFORE the Discomfort

The process of embracing discomfort doesn’t start with external actions. It starts with the internal work of rearranging your brain and making a decision. So before you start on even the easiest task on your list, the most important thing to do is to make sure that your mind is right. Do this by deciding RIGHT NOW to tackle that first discomfort at a designated time. If you wait until the moment you are faced with a discomfort (you go to open the junk drawer and it’s so crammed full you can’t even get it all the way open) your mind will give you a thousand reasons why you should not tackle that task right then. So, schedule the time to act on a small discomfort right this minute and resolve in your mind to do so! In addition to the decision to act at a specific time, also decide what your positive mindset will look and feel like when that time comes. As is your brain, so will be your actions.

5. Celebrate the Successes!

As you build your boldness muscle a little at a time, stop to appreciate any and all progress along the way. You’ll find that every success propels you to your next success, especially if you take the time to recognize your progress and celebrate it.

Humans are complex beings…and we’re also not. A little recognition and celebration goes a long way in inspiring us to keep on keeping on. If you give yourself kudos for success (even small success) you’ll find yourself actually wanting to embrace the next discomfort. It’s just how we’re made!

Embracing discomforts in your life in order to be bold is crucial to professional success and a life well-lived. In the wise words of Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Life is either going to live you or you are going to live it. Stop and look around at your own life, choose boldness, and don’t miss it.

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Last Updated on July 8, 2020

How to Prevent Decision Fatigue From Clouding Your Judgement

How to Prevent Decision Fatigue From Clouding Your Judgement

What is decision fatigue? Let me explain this with an example:

When determining a court ruling, there are many factors that contribute to their final verdict. You probably assume that the judge’s decision is influenced solely by the nature of the crime committed or the particular laws that were broken. While this is completely valid, there is an even greater influential factor that dictates the judge’s decision: the time of day.

In 2012, a research team from Columbia University[1] examined 1,112 court rulings set in place by a Parole Board Judge over a 10 month period. The judge would have to determine whether the individuals in question would be released from prison on parole, or a change in the parole terms.

While the facts of the case often take precedence in decision making, the judges mental state had an alarming influence on their verdict.

As the day goes on, the chance of a favorable ruling drops:

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    Image source: Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences

    Does the time of day, or the judges level of hunger really contribute that greatly to their decision making? Yes, it does.

    The research went on to show that at the start of the day the likelihood of the judging giving out a favorable ruling was somewhere around 65%.

    But as the morning dragged on, the judge became fatigued and drained from making decision after decision. As more time went on, the odds of receiving a favorable ruling decreased steadily until it was whittled down to zero.

    However, right after their lunch break, the judge would return to the courtroom feeling refreshed and recharged. Energized by their second wind, their leniency skyrockets back up to a whopping 65%. And again, as the day drags on to its finish, the favorable rulings slowly diminish along with the judge’s spirits.

    This is no coincidence. According to the carefully recorded research, this was true for all 1,112 cases. The severity of the crime didn’t matter. Whether it was rape, murder, theft, or embezzlement, the criminal was more likely to get a favorable ruling either early in the morning, or after the judges lunch break.

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    Are You Suffering from Decision Fatigue Too?

    We all suffer from decision fatigue without even realizing it.

    Perhaps you aren’t a judge with the fate of an individual’s life at your disposal, but the daily decisions you make for yourself could hinder you if you’re not in the right head-space.

    Regardless of how energetic you feel (as I imagine it is somehow caffeine induced anyway), you will still experience decision fatigue. Just like every other muscle, your brain gets tired after periods of overuse, pumping out one decision after the next. It needs a chance to rest in order to function at a productive rate.

    The Detrimental Consequences of Decision Fatigue

    When you are in a position such as a Judge, you can’t afford to let your mental state dictate your decision making; but it still does. According to George Lowenstein, an American educator and economy expert, decision fatigue is to blame for poor decision making among members of high office. The disastrous level of failure among these individuals to control their impulses could be directly related to their day to day stresses at work and their private life.

    When you’re just too tired to think, you stop caring. And once you get careless, that’s when you need to worry. Decision fatigue can contribute to a number of issues such as impulse shopping (guilty), poor decision making at work, and poor decision making with after work relationships. You know what I’m talking about. Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.

    How to Make Decision Effectively

    Either alter the time of decision making to when your mind is the most fresh, or limit the number of decisions to be made. Try utilizing the following hacks for more effective decision making.

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    1. Make Your Most Important Decisions within the First 3 Hours

    You want to make decisions at your peak performance, so either first thing in the morning, or right after a break.

    Research has actually shown that you are the most productive for the first 3 hours[2] of your day. Utilize this time! Don’t waste it on trivial decisions such as what to wear, or mindlessly scrolling through social media.

    Instead, use this time to tweak your game plan. What do you want to accomplish? What can you improve? What steps do you need to take to reach these goals?

    2. Form Habits to Reduce Decision Making

    You don’t have to choose all the time.

    Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but it doesn’t have to be an extravagant spread every morning. Make a habit out of eating a similar or quick breakfast, and cut that step of your morning out of the way. Can’t decide what to wear? Pick the first thing that catches your eye. We both know that after 20 minutes of changing outfits you’ll just go with the first thing anyway.

    Powerful individuals such as Steve Jobs, Barack Obama, and Mark Zuckerberg don’t waste their precious time deciding what to wear. In fact, they have been known to limiting their outfits down to two options in order to reduce their daily decision making.

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    3. Take Frequent Breaks for a Clearer Mind

    You are at your peak of productivity after a break, so to reap the benefits, you need to take lots of breaks! I know, what a sacrifice. If judges make better decisions in the morning and after their lunch break, then so will you.

    The reason for this is because the belly is now full, and the hunger is gone. Roy Baumeister, Florida State University social psychologist[3] had found that low-glucose levels take a negative toll on decision making. By taking a break to replenish your glucose levels, you will be able to focus better and improve your decision making abilities.

    Even if you aren’t hungry, little breaks are still necessary to let your mind refresh, and come back being able to think more clearly.

    Structure your break times. Decide beforehand when you will take breaks, and eat energy sustaining snacks so that your energy level doesn’t drop too low. The time you “lose” during your breaks will be made up in the end, as your productivity will increase after each break.

    So instead of slogging through your day, letting your mind deteriorate and fall victim to the daily abuses of decision making, take a break, eat a snack. Let your mind refresh and reset, and jump-start your productivity throughout the day.

    More Tips About Decision Making

    Featured photo credit: Kelly Sikkema via unsplash.com

    Reference

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