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Be Happy and Stop Being Responsible for These 4 Things

Be Happy and Stop Being Responsible for These 4 Things

Since we were kids, we were taught to be responsible people. We were trained to accept whatever others hand over to us. That is the way to be nice and likeable. As a result, we compromise and accept everything including the things that we don’t really love or want. Stop being responsible for them, follow your heart and lead a joyful life.

1. You are not responsible for making people happy.

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” – Gautama Buddha

Helping people is a wonderful act. But if you don’t feel good after doing it, it’s definitely not the right thing to do. My friend is hardworking and always lends a hand to co-workers in need. She keeps accepting jobs until they are more than what she can bear. In the end, she makes her co-workers happy but she suffers in silence alone. Well, this is quite common as we often feel guilty saying “no” because we don’t want to be mean. But it’s even worse if you neglect to take care of yourself because then you can’t do your own job. Help, share and love, but with a healthy limit.

2. You are not responsible for with others’ labels.

“Stop with the labels… because we are not jam jars; we are extraordinary, different, wonderful people.” – Caroline Casey

Someone call you “ugly fatty” just because you are not skinny and thin? Well, don’t fall into the trap of believing in what they said. You are never ever the cause of their bullying. You are not responsible for that and you don’t have to conform to their ignorance. Instead, your job is just to walk away from the jokers and disregard their abusive labels. Remember, you are only in charge of building a happy, fulfilling life for yourself. It’s not going to hurt you if you refuse to accept the nuisance. The ones who try to insult you will only insult themselves by revealing how shallow-minded they are.

3. You are not responsible for living within others’ limitations.

“If someone tells you, “You can’t” They really mean, “I can’t.” – Sean Stephenson

How often do you hear people say: “No, it’s impossible.” or “Be realistic, you’re not going to succeed and you’ll end up being broke.”, “I don’t know much about it but I’m 100 percent sure it won’t work.” It’s frustrating when you get all sorts of unsupportive feedbacks from the naysayers. But you are not supposed to be controlled by their limitations. They may be lack of abilities, potentials or visions, but those are their barriers, not yours. Don’t let them stop you from doing what you love, or pursuing your dream.

4. You are not responsible for embracing others’ negativity.

“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” – Goi Nasu

“This is so wrong!”, “That is very terrible!”, do you recognize these Ms./Mr. Complainer? Well, my aunt is one. I still remembered how she nagged my cousin when he forgot to buy pet food. They still had some snacks which could last for a day, but my aunt kept scolding him for hours as though he had committed a crime. If you know someone like this, stay away so you will not drown in their negativity. They just like to grumble and nothing ever seems right to them. In long terms, their behaviour may create anxiety and depressive symptoms to others. Remember, you are not obliged to follow their rhythm. Turn off the noise. Give yourself peace of mind.

Now you recognize those unnecessary responsibilities, dump them all and pursue your happiness!

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Featured photo credit: Freedom by Josef Grunig via flic.kr

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Noel

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Last Updated on September 16, 2019

How to Stop Procrastinating: 11 Practical Ways for Procrastinators

How to Stop Procrastinating: 11 Practical Ways for Procrastinators

You have a deadline looming. However, instead of doing your work, you are fiddling with miscellaneous things like checking email, social media, watching videos, surfing blogs and forums. You know you should be working, but you just don’t feel like doing anything.

We are all familiar with the procrastination phenomenon. When we procrastinate, we squander away our free time and put off important tasks we should be doing them till it’s too late. And when it is indeed too late, we panic and wish we got started earlier.

The chronic procrastinators I know have spent years of their life looped in this cycle. Delaying, putting off things, slacking, hiding from work, facing work only when it’s unavoidable, then repeating this loop all over again. It’s a bad habit that eats us away and prevents us from achieving greater results in life.

Don’t let procrastination take over your life. Here, I will share my personal steps on how to stop procrastinating. These 11 steps will definitely apply to you too:

1. Break Your Work into Little Steps

Part of the reason why we procrastinate is because subconsciously, we find the work too overwhelming for us. Break it down into little parts, then focus on one part at the time. If you still procrastinate on the task after breaking it down, then break it down even further. Soon, your task will be so simple that you will be thinking “gee, this is so simple that I might as well just do it now!”.

For example, I’m currently writing a new book (on How to achieve anything in life). Book writing at its full scale is an enormous project and can be overwhelming. However, when I break it down into phases such as –

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  • (1) Research
  • (2) Deciding the topic
  • (3) Creating the outline
  • (4) Drafting the content
  • (5) Writing Chapters #1 to #10,
  • (6) Revision
  • (7) etc.

Suddenly it seems very manageable. What I do then is to focus on the immediate phase and get it done to my best ability, without thinking about the other phases. When it’s done, I move on to the next.

2. Change Your Environment

Different environments have different impact on our productivity. Look at your work desk and your room. Do they make you want to work or do they make you want to snuggle and sleep? If it’s the latter, you should look into changing your workspace.

One thing to note is that an environment that makes us feel inspired before may lose its effect after a period of time. If that’s the case, then it’s time to change things around. Refer to Steps #2 and #3 of 13 Strategies To Jumpstart Your Productivity, which talks about revamping your environment and workspace.

3. Create a Detailed Timeline with Specific Deadlines

Having just 1 deadline for your work is like an invitation to procrastinate. That’s because we get the impression that we have time and keep pushing everything back, until it’s too late.

Break down your project (see tip #1), then create an overall timeline with specific deadlines for each small task. This way, you know you have to finish each task by a certain date. Your timelines must be robust, too – i.e. if you don’t finish this by today, it’s going to jeopardize everything else you have planned after that. This way it creates the urgency to act.

My goals are broken down into monthly, weekly, right down to the daily task lists, and the list is a call to action that I must accomplish this by the specified date, else my goals will be put off.

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Here’re more tips on setting deadlines: 22 Tips for Effective Deadlines

4. Eliminate Your Procrastination Pit-Stops

If you are procrastinating a little too much, maybe that’s because you make it easy to procrastinate.

Identify your browser bookmarks that take up a lot of your time and shift them into a separate folder that is less accessible. Disable the automatic notification option in your email client. Get rid of the distractions around you.

I know some people will out of the way and delete or deactivate their facebook accounts. I think it’s a little drastic and extreme as addressing procrastination is more about being conscious of our actions than counteracting via self-binding methods, but if you feel that’s what’s needed, go for it.

5. Hang out with People Who Inspire You to Take Action

I’m pretty sure if you spend just 10 minutes talking to Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, you’ll be more inspired to act than if you spent the 10 minutes doing nothing. The people we are with influence our behaviors. Of course spending time with Steve Jobs or Bill Gates every day is probably not a feasible method, but the principle applies — The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You

Identify the people, friends or colleagues who trigger you – most likely the go-getters and hard workers – and hang out with them more often. Soon you will inculcate their drive and spirit too.

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As a personal development blogger, I “hang out” with inspiring personal development experts by reading their blogs and corresponding with them regularly via email and social media. It’s communication via new media and it works all the same.

6. Get a Buddy

Having a companion makes the whole process much more fun. Ideally, your buddy should be someone who has his/her own set of goals. Both of you will hold each other accountable to your goals and plans. While it’s not necessary for both of you to have the same goals, it’ll be even better if that’s the case, so you can learn from each other.

I have a good friend whom I talk to regularly, and we always ask each other about our goals and progress in achieving those goals. Needless to say, it spurs us to keep taking action.

7. Tell Others About Your Goals

This serves the same function as #6, on a larger scale. Tell all your friends, colleagues, acquaintances and family about your projects. Now whenever you see them, they are bound to ask you about your status on those projects.

For example, sometimes I announce my projects on The Personal Excellence Blog, Twitter and Facebook, and my readers will ask me about them on an ongoing basis. It’s a great way to keep myself accountable to my plans.

8. Seek out Someone Who Has Already Achieved the Outcome

What is it you want to accomplish here, and who are the people who have accomplished this already? Go seek them out and connect with them. Seeing living proof that your goals are very well achievable if you take action is one of the best triggers for action.

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9. Re-Clarify Your Goals

If you have been procrastinating for an extended period of time, it might reflect a misalignment between what you want and what you are currently doing. Often times, we outgrow our goals as we discover more about ourselves, but we don’t change our goals to reflect that.

Get away from your work (a short vacation will be good, else just a weekend break or staycation will do too) and take some time to regroup yourself. What exactly do you want to achieve? What should you do to get there? What are the steps to take? Does your current work align with that? If not, what can you do about it?

10. Stop Over-Complicating Things

Are you waiting for a perfect time to do this? That maybe now is not the best time because of X, Y, Z reasons? Ditch that thought because there’s never a perfect time. If you keep waiting for one, you are never going to accomplish anything.

Perfectionism is one of the biggest reasons for procrastination. Read more about why perfectionist tendencies can be a bane than a boon: Why Being A Perfectionist May Not Be So Perfect.

11. Get a Grip and Just Do It

At the end, it boils down to taking action. You can do all the strategizing, planning and hypothesizing, but if you don’t take action, nothing’s going to happen. Occasionally, I get readers and clients who keep complaining about their situations but they still refuse to take action at the end of the day.

Reality check:

I have never heard anyone procrastinate their way to success before and I doubt it’s going to change in the near future.  Whatever it is you are procrastinating on, if you want to get it done, you need to get a grip on yourself and do it.

More About Procrastination

Featured photo credit: Malvestida Magazine via unsplash.com

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