Advertising
Advertising

Be Happy and Stop Being Responsible for These 4 Things

Be Happy and Stop Being Responsible for These 4 Things

Since we were kids, we were taught to be responsible people. We were trained to accept whatever others hand over to us. That is the way to be nice and likeable. As a result, we compromise and accept everything including the things that we don’t really love or want. Stop being responsible for them, follow your heart and lead a joyful life.

1. You are not responsible for making people happy.

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” – Gautama Buddha

Helping people is a wonderful act. But if you don’t feel good after doing it, it’s definitely not the right thing to do. My friend is hardworking and always lends a hand to co-workers in need. She keeps accepting jobs until they are more than what she can bear. In the end, she makes her co-workers happy but she suffers in silence alone. Well, this is quite common as we often feel guilty saying “no” because we don’t want to be mean. But it’s even worse if you neglect to take care of yourself because then you can’t do your own job. Help, share and love, but with a healthy limit.

2. You are not responsible for with others’ labels.

“Stop with the labels… because we are not jam jars; we are extraordinary, different, wonderful people.” – Caroline Casey

Someone call you “ugly fatty” just because you are not skinny and thin? Well, don’t fall into the trap of believing in what they said. You are never ever the cause of their bullying. You are not responsible for that and you don’t have to conform to their ignorance. Instead, your job is just to walk away from the jokers and disregard their abusive labels. Remember, you are only in charge of building a happy, fulfilling life for yourself. It’s not going to hurt you if you refuse to accept the nuisance. The ones who try to insult you will only insult themselves by revealing how shallow-minded they are.

3. You are not responsible for living within others’ limitations.

“If someone tells you, “You can’t” They really mean, “I can’t.” – Sean Stephenson

How often do you hear people say: “No, it’s impossible.” or “Be realistic, you’re not going to succeed and you’ll end up being broke.”, “I don’t know much about it but I’m 100 percent sure it won’t work.” It’s frustrating when you get all sorts of unsupportive feedbacks from the naysayers. But you are not supposed to be controlled by their limitations. They may be lack of abilities, potentials or visions, but those are their barriers, not yours. Don’t let them stop you from doing what you love, or pursuing your dream.

4. You are not responsible for embracing others’ negativity.

“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” – Goi Nasu

“This is so wrong!”, “That is very terrible!”, do you recognize these Ms./Mr. Complainer? Well, my aunt is one. I still remembered how she nagged my cousin when he forgot to buy pet food. They still had some snacks which could last for a day, but my aunt kept scolding him for hours as though he had committed a crime. If you know someone like this, stay away so you will not drown in their negativity. They just like to grumble and nothing ever seems right to them. In long terms, their behaviour may create anxiety and depressive symptoms to others. Remember, you are not obliged to follow their rhythm. Turn off the noise. Give yourself peace of mind.

Now you recognize those unnecessary responsibilities, dump them all and pursue your happiness!

Advertising

Featured photo credit: Freedom by Josef Grunig via flic.kr

More by this author

Noel

Designer

negative-emotions-quotes 17 Negative Emotions With Quotes On How To Deal With Them stop-beating-yourself-up How To Stop Beating Yourself Up motivate-yourself 30 Simple Little Hacks To Motivate Yourself Throughout Life deal-with-disappointment 4 Simple Steps To Deal With Disappointments stop-being-responsible Be Happy and Stop Being Responsible for These 4 Things

Trending in Lifestyle

1 How to Get Deep Sleep in 5 Steps Naturally 2 The Ultimate Exercises to Improve Posture (Simple and Effective) 3 The Ultimate Workout Routine for Men (Tailored for Different Fitness Level) 4 10 Best HIIT Workout Exercises to Burn Calories Fast 5 9 Effective Quad Stretches to Reduce Pain During & After Workout

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

Advertising

Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

Advertising

You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

Advertising

  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

Advertising

Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

Read Next