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To My Daughter, In 10 Years…

To My Daughter, In 10 Years…

Dear daughter,

As I write this, you’re still young. You don’t know what to expect from life. You still glow with childhood innocence. I’m writing this for you to read in 10 years. This is for you to prepare yourself for everything I had to learn on my own. I’ve had to learn from several errors, but I’m sure I’ll never admit it. This is for you as much as it is for me. To let you know that everything that you will go through I have been through as well. So, my daughter, here I give you everything you need to know to survive the real world.

1. Any decision you make has to be yours.

Trust me, I get it. At 18, the world demands you to pick what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. It will command you to know exactly what you want to do and exactly where you want to be. If you do, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, that’s okay. Whatever you do has to be something that makes you sprint out of bed in the morning.

2. No dreams are too big or too small.

If they are your dreams they have to be chased. Don’t let people make you feel like you aren’t good enough or that you can do better. Because if it makes you happy then it’s the best thing you could be doing.

3. Don’t let anything or anybody stand in the way of your dreams.

If the person you are in love with wants you to turn down your light so he can shine brighter, he isn’t worth it. If he loves you, he’ll want you to shine alongside him and not block you out. Don’t be afraid to cut the cord. The person you are meant to be with is out there.

4. If you’re happy, I’m happy.

That sounds incredibly cheesy, I know. It’s the truth, though. I may give you a hard time and pressure you into doing things you may not want to do. It’s only because I want you to have the best life. But if you find something that makes you incredibly happy, and I may not agree with it at first, I will eventually. Deep down my happiness is solely based on your happiness.

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5. Soulmates exist and yours is out there. Don’t settle.

Know when to call it off. Know that someone who loves you will show you love and patience when you need. Don’t feel like you’re asking for too much when all you’re asking for is happiness. This is what you are entitled to.

6. Your self-worth is not dependant on anyone or anything.

You were born beautiful inside and out. Nothing material you lose in life will decrease that beauty. No one you meet can take that beauty away. You have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you.

7. Life will knock you down many times. The only thing that matters is how fast you get up to knock life back.

You know how they say good things happen in threes, well a similar rule applies to bad things. When one pillar of your life falls, the other ones might too. What you have to do is take every fall as a life lesson and go right back to building back up. Don’t ever sit and cry over the pieces. You can cry while you’re building them back up.

8. I’m always a phone call away. Even if it’s two in the morning.

I may question what you are doing up at such a late hour, but I will always be at the other end to hear what you have to say. I will be your safe base whenever you need me to be.

9. There are no problems that can’t be solved with chocolate and a little bit of The Carpenters.

My grandma and I would listen to The Carpenters all day and it would fix everything, even if nothing was really fixed. Karen Carpenter just knew how to be sad and she knew how to be happy. Trust me, she gets you.

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10. Eat as much pizza as you want.

Stay healthy, but enjoy food. Don’t deprive yourself from deliciousness because you want to fit into a size two. Eat what you want. Excercise. Eat your five a day.

11. Don’t let numbers define you.

Your weight doesn’t define you. Your dress size doesn’t define you. Your GPA doesn’t define you. Your salary doesn’t define you. None of these numbers define you.

12. Make mistakes.

I’ve learned that mistakes are part of my life. If I didn’t make any I wouldn’t be where I am. If you make mistakes in life, leave them in the past. Learn from them and then move on.

13. Don’t let yourself become jaded.

If you have a bad relationship that’s either romantic or just a friendship, don’t let it control how you approach your new relationships. What happened with that person was due to circumstance, or just simply personalities clashing. When you meet someone new, don’t be afraid to give them your heart. I was a person who went from being closed off to being more open. I realised that I wasn’t being foolish for giving people my heart. I was being trusting, which is a good quality to have.

14. When you see something beautiful, don’t stop to take a picture.

In the 30 seconds it takes you to take out your phone and the next 30 seconds that it takes you to click your camera on, you’ve missed a beautiful eagle gliding across the setting sun. Just watch the sunset, take it all in, and enjoying being in the moment.

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15. Choose friends that you can be yourself around.

I spent so much of junior high with friends who made me miserable. I spent a lot of time trying to be someone I wasn’t. When I got to high school, I met people who allowed me to be myself and loved me for it. I was the happiest around them. Don’t feel like you need to change to fit it. When you find people you know you’re meant to be around, you won’t feel like you have to change at all.

16. Travel limitlessly.

If you have the opportunity to see the world, do it. Take only what you can fit into a backpack. You’ll never experience freedom until you do that. Broaden your horizons.

17. Learn how to cook.

No, I’m not joking. It sounds like such a mother thing to say, but it’s true. Trust me. It saves you a lot of money and there’s just nothing as satisfying as eating something you’ve made yourself.

18. The best thing you can do if you can’t sleep because you’re upset is eat Nutella straight from the bottle.

I think that says it all really.

19. Always wear flats to places that involve walking and/or strenuous work.

If you think you can handle it, you can’t. After an hour and a half, you are going to wish you were dead. Then you’re going to want to kill some people. So to save all that pain, just wear flats. They may not look as nice but they save lives.

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20. Remember that I was once you.

I was once in your position and I do understand everything you are going through. It may seem like I don’t but that’s what age does. It makes you forget. Do your best to remind me that I was you, but understand where I’m coming from. Know that the only thing I care about is what’s best for you.

21. Love your life.

Even if there are aspects that you don’t like, try and put them in the corner of ugly things in your mind. Focus on all the positive things. Daughter, your journey is going to be a long and beautiful one and I can’t wait to watch you start it.

Featured photo credit: Mother Child Daughter Love Kiss Together Black/Takmeomeo via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on April 8, 2020

Why Assuming Positive Intent Is an Amazing Productivity Driver

Why Assuming Positive Intent Is an Amazing Productivity Driver

Assuming positive intent is an important contributor to quality of life.

Most people appreciate the dividends such a mindset produces in the realm of relationships. How can relationships flourish when you don’t assume intentions that may or may not be there? And how their partner can become an easier person to be around as a result of such a shift? Less appreciated in the GTD world, however, is the productivity aspect of this “assume positive intent” perspective.

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Most of us are guilty of letting our minds get distracted, our energy sapped, or our harmony compromised by thinking about what others woulda, coulda, shoulda.  How we got wronged by someone else.  How a friend could have been more respectful.  How a family member could have been less selfish.

However, once we evolve to understanding the folly of this mindset, we feel freer and we become more productive professionally due to the minimization of unhelpful, distracting thoughts.

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The leap happens when we realize two things:

  1. The self serving benefit from giving others the benefit of the doubt.
  2. The logic inherent in the assumption that others either have many things going on in their lives paving the way for misunderstandings.

Needless to say, this mindset does not mean that we ought to not confront people that are creating havoc in our world.  There are times when we need to call someone out for inflicting harm in our personal lives or the lives of others.

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Indra Nooyi, Chairman and CEO of Pepsi, says it best in an interview with Fortune magazine:

My father was an absolutely wonderful human being. From ecent emailhim I learned to always assume positive intent. Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different. When you assume negative intent, you’re angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed. Your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response. You don’t get defensive. You don’t scream. You are trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying, ‘Maybe they are saying something to me that I’m not hearing.’ So ‘assume positive intent’ has been a huge piece of advice for me.

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In business, sometimes in the heat of the moment, people say things. You can either misconstrue what they’re saying and assume they are trying to put you down, or you can say, ‘Wait a minute. Let me really get behind what they are saying to understand whether they’re reacting because they’re hurt, upset, confused, or they don’t understand what it is I’ve asked them to do.’ If you react from a negative perspective – because you didn’t like the way they reacted – then it just becomes two negatives fighting each other. But when you assume positive intent, I think often what happens is the other person says, ‘Hey, wait a minute, maybe I’m wrong in reacting the way I do because this person is really making an effort.

“Assume positive intent” is definitely a top quality of life’s best practice among the people I have met so far. The reasons are obvious. It will make you feel better, your relationships will thrive and it’s an approach more greatly aligned with reality.  But less understood is how such a shift in mindset brings your professional game to a different level.

Not only does such a shift make you more likable to your colleagues, but it also unleashes your talents further through a more focused, less distracted mind.

More Tips About Building Positive Relationships

Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

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