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To My Daughter, In 10 Years…

To My Daughter, In 10 Years…

Dear daughter,

As I write this, you’re still young. You don’t know what to expect from life. You still glow with childhood innocence. I’m writing this for you to read in 10 years. This is for you to prepare yourself for everything I had to learn on my own. I’ve had to learn from several errors, but I’m sure I’ll never admit it. This is for you as much as it is for me. To let you know that everything that you will go through I have been through as well. So, my daughter, here I give you everything you need to know to survive the real world.

1. Any decision you make has to be yours.

Trust me, I get it. At 18, the world demands you to pick what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. It will command you to know exactly what you want to do and exactly where you want to be. If you do, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, that’s okay. Whatever you do has to be something that makes you sprint out of bed in the morning.

2. No dreams are too big or too small.

If they are your dreams they have to be chased. Don’t let people make you feel like you aren’t good enough or that you can do better. Because if it makes you happy then it’s the best thing you could be doing.

3. Don’t let anything or anybody stand in the way of your dreams.

If the person you are in love with wants you to turn down your light so he can shine brighter, he isn’t worth it. If he loves you, he’ll want you to shine alongside him and not block you out. Don’t be afraid to cut the cord. The person you are meant to be with is out there.

4. If you’re happy, I’m happy.

That sounds incredibly cheesy, I know. It’s the truth, though. I may give you a hard time and pressure you into doing things you may not want to do. It’s only because I want you to have the best life. But if you find something that makes you incredibly happy, and I may not agree with it at first, I will eventually. Deep down my happiness is solely based on your happiness.

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5. Soulmates exist and yours is out there. Don’t settle.

Know when to call it off. Know that someone who loves you will show you love and patience when you need. Don’t feel like you’re asking for too much when all you’re asking for is happiness. This is what you are entitled to.

6. Your self-worth is not dependant on anyone or anything.

You were born beautiful inside and out. Nothing material you lose in life will decrease that beauty. No one you meet can take that beauty away. You have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you.

7. Life will knock you down many times. The only thing that matters is how fast you get up to knock life back.

You know how they say good things happen in threes, well a similar rule applies to bad things. When one pillar of your life falls, the other ones might too. What you have to do is take every fall as a life lesson and go right back to building back up. Don’t ever sit and cry over the pieces. You can cry while you’re building them back up.

8. I’m always a phone call away. Even if it’s two in the morning.

I may question what you are doing up at such a late hour, but I will always be at the other end to hear what you have to say. I will be your safe base whenever you need me to be.

9. There are no problems that can’t be solved with chocolate and a little bit of The Carpenters.

My grandma and I would listen to The Carpenters all day and it would fix everything, even if nothing was really fixed. Karen Carpenter just knew how to be sad and she knew how to be happy. Trust me, she gets you.

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10. Eat as much pizza as you want.

Stay healthy, but enjoy food. Don’t deprive yourself from deliciousness because you want to fit into a size two. Eat what you want. Excercise. Eat your five a day.

11. Don’t let numbers define you.

Your weight doesn’t define you. Your dress size doesn’t define you. Your GPA doesn’t define you. Your salary doesn’t define you. None of these numbers define you.

12. Make mistakes.

I’ve learned that mistakes are part of my life. If I didn’t make any I wouldn’t be where I am. If you make mistakes in life, leave them in the past. Learn from them and then move on.

13. Don’t let yourself become jaded.

If you have a bad relationship that’s either romantic or just a friendship, don’t let it control how you approach your new relationships. What happened with that person was due to circumstance, or just simply personalities clashing. When you meet someone new, don’t be afraid to give them your heart. I was a person who went from being closed off to being more open. I realised that I wasn’t being foolish for giving people my heart. I was being trusting, which is a good quality to have.

14. When you see something beautiful, don’t stop to take a picture.

In the 30 seconds it takes you to take out your phone and the next 30 seconds that it takes you to click your camera on, you’ve missed a beautiful eagle gliding across the setting sun. Just watch the sunset, take it all in, and enjoying being in the moment.

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15. Choose friends that you can be yourself around.

I spent so much of junior high with friends who made me miserable. I spent a lot of time trying to be someone I wasn’t. When I got to high school, I met people who allowed me to be myself and loved me for it. I was the happiest around them. Don’t feel like you need to change to fit it. When you find people you know you’re meant to be around, you won’t feel like you have to change at all.

16. Travel limitlessly.

If you have the opportunity to see the world, do it. Take only what you can fit into a backpack. You’ll never experience freedom until you do that. Broaden your horizons.

17. Learn how to cook.

No, I’m not joking. It sounds like such a mother thing to say, but it’s true. Trust me. It saves you a lot of money and there’s just nothing as satisfying as eating something you’ve made yourself.

18. The best thing you can do if you can’t sleep because you’re upset is eat Nutella straight from the bottle.

I think that says it all really.

19. Always wear flats to places that involve walking and/or strenuous work.

If you think you can handle it, you can’t. After an hour and a half, you are going to wish you were dead. Then you’re going to want to kill some people. So to save all that pain, just wear flats. They may not look as nice but they save lives.

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20. Remember that I was once you.

I was once in your position and I do understand everything you are going through. It may seem like I don’t but that’s what age does. It makes you forget. Do your best to remind me that I was you, but understand where I’m coming from. Know that the only thing I care about is what’s best for you.

21. Love your life.

Even if there are aspects that you don’t like, try and put them in the corner of ugly things in your mind. Focus on all the positive things. Daughter, your journey is going to be a long and beautiful one and I can’t wait to watch you start it.

Featured photo credit: Mother Child Daughter Love Kiss Together Black/Takmeomeo via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on September 15, 2020

4 Ways to Deal With Big Life Changes in a Positive Way

4 Ways to Deal With Big Life Changes in a Positive Way

Life changes are constant. Whether it’s in the workplace or our relationships, nothing in life ever remains the same for long.

Regardless of the gravity of change, it can always be a little scary. So scary, in fact, that some people are downright crippled by the idea of it, causing them to remain stagnant through anxiety.

Have you ever noticed how much of life’s transitional periods are riddled with anxious vibes? The quarter life crisis, the mid-life crisis, cold feet before getting married, retirement anxiety, and teenage angst are just a few examples of transitional periods when people tend to panic.

We can’t control every aspect of our lives, and we can’t stop change from happening. However, how we respond to change will greatly affect our overall life experience.

Here are 4 ways you can approach life changes in a positive way.

1. Don’t Fight It

I once heard one of my favorite yoga instructors say “Suffering is what occurs when we resist what is already happening.” The lesson has stuck with me ever since.

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Life changes are usually out of our control. Rather than trying to manipulate the situation and wishing things were different, try flowing with it instead.

Of course, some initial resistance is natural if we’re going into survival mode. Just make sure you are conscious of when this resistance is no longer serving you.

If you’re feeling anxious about impending life changes, it’s time to practice some techniques to address the anxiety directly. These can include meditation, exercise, talking with friends about how you’re feeling, or journaling.

If you’re worried about a big life change, such as starting a new job[1] or moving in with your partner, do your best to control your expectations. It may help you to talk with people you know about their experiences going through similar changes. This will help you form a realistic picture in your mind of what things will look like post-change.

2. Find Healthy Ways to Deal With Feelings

Whenever we’re in transitional periods, it can be easy to lose track of ourselves. Sometimes we feel like we’re being tossed about by life and like we’ve lost our footing, causing some very uncomfortable feelings to arise.

One way we can channel these feelings is by finding healthy ways to release them. For instance, whenever I find myself in a difficult transitional phase, I end up in a mixed martial arts studio.

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The physical activity helps me channel my emotions and release endorphins. It also helps me get in shape, which generally increases my mood and energy levels.

Exercise is important in cultivating positive emotions, but if you’re struggling with anxiety in particular, it’s important to cultivate a regular exercise routine as opposed to a one-off workout. One study found that “Aerobic exercise can promote increase in anxiety acutely and regular aerobic exercise promotes reduction in anxiety levels”[2].

If exercise isn’t your thing, there are other, less intense ways of cultivating positive emotions and reducing anxiety around life changes. You can try stretching, meditating, reading in nature, spending time with family and friends, or cooking a healthy meal.

Find what makes you feel good and helps you ground yourself in the present moment.

3. Reframe Your Perspective

Reframing perspectives is a very powerful tool used in life coaching. It helps clients take a situation they are struggling with, such as a major life change, and find some sort of empowerment in it.

Some examples of disempowered thinking during life changes include casting blame, focusing on negative details, or victimizing[3]. These perspectives can make awkward transitional phases much worse than they have to be.

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Meanwhile, if we utilize a more positive perspective, such as finding a lesson in the situation, realizing that there may be an opportunity for something, or that everything passes, we can come from a greater place of ease.

4. Find Time for Self-Reflection

Having time to reflect is important at any stage in your life, but it’s especially important during transitional periods. It’s quite simple really: we need our time to step back and get centered when things get a little crazy.

As a result, big life changes are perfect for doing some self-reflection. They are opportunities to check in with ourselves and practice getting grounded for a few minutes.

Take a look at this reflective cycle adapted from Glibb’s Self-reflection guide (1988):[4]

Use self-reflection when facing life changes.

    Self-reflective exercises include meditating, yoga or journaling,[5] all of which require some quiet time to get yourself together.

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    One study found that journal improves “self-efficacy, locus of control, and learning”[6]. A healthy sense of self-control can make the process of change easier to bear, so that in itself is a great reason to try self-reflection through journaling.

    To learn how to start journaling, you can check out this article.

    Final Thoughts

    Big life changes may rock us for a little while, but they don’t have to be as bad as we initially perceive them. If handled in a positive manner, transitional periods can pave the way for some serious self-growth, reflection, and awareness.

    Cultivate a sense of positivity and find ways to diminish the anxiety around life changes. Once you make it to the other side, you’ll be grateful that you made it through in the best way possible.

    More Tips on Facing Life Changes

    Featured photo credit: Alora Griffiths via unsplash.com

    Reference

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