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6 Quick Ways To Check If You’re Doing Alright

6 Quick Ways To Check If You’re Doing Alright

As life is a new and unique experience to each and every one of us, it’s not uncommon to sometimes feel a little panicky about how we’re doing. We can also become overwhelmed by the complexity at all and forget the simple things, like checking in with ourselves to make sure we’re on the right track. Here we have 6 quick signs you can use to check that you’re doing alright from The Daily Zen:

Calmness.

Nothing is more fulfilling than an overarching sense of tranquility.  You have feelings and ups-and-downs, sure, but if your core remains strong and balanced, nothing can get in your way.  Live deliberately and passionately, but always come back to the anchor of your breath and your calmness.

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Emotion.

There is a difference between non-attachment and detachment.  Non-attachment means relaxing and realizing the future is out of your control and the past is a ghost.  Detachment is a bad thing; it’s when you lose touch with your emotions.  Do not respond to negativity by stifling your bad emotions.  Embrace them and learn from them.  Feel fully.  This is what being alive is all about.

Books.

We think in language, whether we like it or not.  The more you read, the more precise of an ability you have to express your thoughts as words.  Eloquent prose builds a sense of self and observation that can’t be found anywhere else.  Learn how to interpret your world from the masters of fiction, non-fiction and poetry.  There is much to be discovered.

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Outcome independence.

We cannot predict the future.  No matter what your intentions, you can never really know how a situation you’re in is gonna turn out, or what will result from a given action.  The ideal modus operandi is to do the right thing and be productive and satisfied with your actions, all the while remaining indifferent to their outcomes.  What’s done is done, and all you can hope for is to continue making the decisions that sit well with you and those you love.

Nature.

If you take some time every day to get outside, you’re on the right track.  Nature is rejuvenating and humbling.  It jogs you out of the artificiality of the daily grind.  Even in a big city, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face or the subtle chirping of a bird can drastically improve your day.  If you don’t already take time to enjoy nature, start.  You can thank me later.

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Relationships.

Other people gravitate towards those who project positivity, creativity and confidence.  If you embody these qualities, chances are you are both living a fulfilling life and have surrounded yourself with people who affirm you.  If not, work on developing not surface-level relationships but deeply-rooted fulfilling ones.  Don’t settle for the ‘easy crowd’, the people who put on a mask or fake their emotions.  Find genuine people you really like.  It may take time, but once you do it you’ll both have a wonderful support system and great friends you can spend the rest of your life enjoying the company of.

The Daily Zen is a collection of quotes and articles to inspire creativity, productivity and intellectual curiosity.

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6 Signs You’re Doing Alright | The Daily Zen

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Siobhan Harmer

Siobhan is a passionate writer sharing about motivation and happiness tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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