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When You Start To Let Go Of the Past, These 3 Incredible Things Will Happen

When You Start To Let Go Of the Past, These 3 Incredible Things Will Happen

Now it’s clear to me that there is no complete freedom from the past. Learning to let go of the past is a reflex in a continuum of self-care. To aid you in your journey towards tomorrow whilst remaining kind enough not to forget saying good-bye to yesterday, here’s a short list to encourage your efforts and a chance to journey with me as I learn to let go of the past. If you let go of your past, these three things will happen to you.

1. You will feel more alive.

Moving on from the past may benefit your health after all. A 2004 Harvard Medical School issue found that those who forgave after a conflict experienced improvements in blood pressure and heart rate, and a decreased workload for the heart. The issue also found that those who converted anger into compassion during meditation felt less physical pain and anxiety than those who received regular care. Though this issue is a decade old, similar studies conducted over the years have suggested similar results. Findings from the Mayo Clinic argue that accepting harmful events can promote healthier relationships and reduce depression.

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Finally, the findings from the latter organization concluded that when we choose not to let the past burden our future, the spiritual part of ourselves become more alive. This is an interesting claim, especially since highlighting intangible thoughts and bringing them into the light of clarity symbolizes the basin of numerous philosophical and religious schools. Now, I don’t think of myself as particularly spiritual but I have experienced that letting go of the past made me feel not only healthier but also happier with life in general.

2. You will learn with more depth and color.

”I realize there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.” – Jeffrey McDaniel

Having the ability to recover from negative events and to become healthy, strong, and successful again is the hallmark of a psychological term known as resilience. Although it might seem unrelated to what we’re discussing right now, those who move on from the past tend to be more resilient. Moving past the old with a positive outlook is a given in the toolkit of thriving beyond any primal fear! Just think, did Lincoln’s nervous breakdown deter him from becoming president? Einstein apparently suffered from a speech delay in his childhood, but that didn’t rip apart his ambitious visualizations! Those people and innumerable other people endured much in their life but were able to form themselves a strong-willed shell to coat their developing process of recovery. But what does resilience have to do with learning better?

According to Dr. Cal Crow, the co-founder and Program Director of the Center for Learning Connections, resilient people build solid goals and support them with a foundation of desire which embraces the future rather than sulks in its presence. Personally, I lacked a drive to pursue high grades in Grade Eight and Nine. The building where high school was set up didn’t mimic a real high school in the slightest instance. I didn’t feel like I could ever accept how radical this school’s premises were. It’s important not to forget that part of resilience is goal-management, as mentioned before, and the school required us to fill out sheets describing the educational goals we planned to achieve today. So what’s something that’s tough and unpleasant and yet deserves some much-needed gratitude in your life?

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3. You will connect with humankind in harmony.

When I first became a high school student a while ago, the new environment was abundant with unfamiliar faces. Most of them were older and more experienced in the fiesta of hormonal adolescents and soon my memories of being bullied before troubled me once more. During the graduating year of elementary school, I hid in bushes during recess and paced sordidly behind the swing set when the bushes were muddy or insects were feasting on it. The pacing triggered contempt from classmates. A few children delighted in my anguish, targeting me with callous remarks, and I graduated with an alienated persona and a thinner skin.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever forget what happened, but something instrumental to learning to let go of the past is learning to forgive or to not hold grudges. Forgiveness is essentially refusing to identify as a victim and choosing to release the suffocating power and control an offending situation or a person might have previously burdened you with. Try this practical little exercise in times of need: find a piece of paper and write a letter to someone who hurt you deeply. Don’t edit it or scan it for grammatical errors; just recall those painful, dehumanizing, humiliating memories that situation or person inflicted upon you. Write with the impression that they’ll understand what you truly went through and imagine in great detail that they’re reading it – just remember not to send it to anyone! Once you’re finished, reread it and add anything missing then shred it into tiny little pieces or throw it out into a fire and watch it disintegrate. The takeaway of this is that letting go of the past is ultimately more relevant to your life when you incorporate a cathartic release such as writing or art.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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