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Top 7 Regrets of People Who Are Dying

Top 7 Regrets of People Who Are Dying

A lot of people who pass away do so with many regrets.  Things they wish they did and those they wish they didn’t do. It’s really sad to spend so much of your life doing one thing or the other and have it end with so much pain and sorrow. We all have one shot at life and we ought to make the best of it. We should live our lives so that when we pass, regret won’t plague us on our last days.

Here’re the top regrets of people who are dying and how we can use them to live a more fulfilling life.

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1.  I wish I had lived my own life rather than how society taught me to live.

There are many things society teaches us about the stages of life.  You go to school, get a good job, buy a house, get married, have kids.  While this plan may work for some, it’s certainly not a one-size-fits-all plan.  A lot of people live a life they think should be living according to society, friends, or family and end up with the realization that it was not the life they WANTED to live.  Look around you and figure out what makes you happy, what you’re passionate about and live your own life now.  Do the things that come naturally to you and stop trying to please everyone. “To thine own self be true.”

2.   I wish I discovered my purpose earlier.

People who are dying usually have this regret. The number of years you spend outside your purpose is the number of years you spend living another person’s life. Some people never discover their purpose in life while some do it late in the game.  Discovering your purpose early will help you channel all your energy towards that sole purpose thereby giving you speed. When you walk in purpose, you will achieve so much in very little time.

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3.   I wish I had taken more risks.

Some human beings have the tendency to live carefully, cautiously and seek security. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, sometimes it hinders us from achieving our destiny. There is no great or successful person who did not, at one point in their life, made a leap, took a big risk and have lived a more fulfilled life because of it.

4.   I wish I had taken better care of myself.

A common regret for those who are dying of an illness or ailment.  So many times, we take our body for granted and eat what we shouldn’t be eating, we don’t sleep as much as we should, we don’t exercise as often and in some cases, we work so hard, we forget to take a vacation.  Life should be lived with a balance and taking care of yourself so you can live a long, healthy and happy life should be a top priority.

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5.   I wish I’d allowed myself to love.

Life’s hardships can turn a lot of people cynical to the world and relationships with other people.  Sometimes, people avoid making a lot of friends or getting emotionally attached to avoid getting hurt. Petty arguments and grudges with loved ones build a wall that doesn’t allow you to forgive until it’s too late.

Studies have concluded that people who have friends and close relationships with their families are much happier with their lives as they have a support group around them for the good times and the bad times.  Surrounding yourself with love and allow yourself to love, creates fond memories that you’ll cherish to the end.

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6.  I wish I had touched more lives and inspired more people.

It is common for people who are dying to look back unhappy because of the number of lives they touched and the legacy they left behind. The value of a life can be measured by the number of people it touches. Helping others not only benefits the person you’re helping but it benefits you inside as well.  There’s a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in doing for your fellow man that money just can’t buy.  Live your life with intentions to help and inspire others to become better and in return, you’ll be better for it as well.

7.  I wish I had been a better partner or parent.

People who are dying have regrets whenever they think about their families; whether it be their mom, dad, siblings, spouses or children.  They think about the nice words they wish they would have said more often, feelings they wish they had expressed, times they wish they had spent and places they wish they could have gone with them.  Family is very important.  Remind yourself to love and support your family.  Spend more time with them and say, “I love you ” on a regular basis.  It’s amazing how those three little words can enrich your family relationships.  At the end of your journey, you’ll rest easy knowing that your loved ones know you cared about them.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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