Advertising
Advertising

Three Essential Questions To Ask Yourself En Route To True Love

Three Essential Questions To Ask Yourself En Route To True Love

Three Questions to Ask Yourself About Love

Whether it’s romantic, plutonic, or maternal, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” We’d love to be able to say “It ain’t so, Mr. Shakespeare!” but we can’t. And why can’t we? Why is love such a rocky path filled with more frost heaves than a New England road in the spring? Because too often we barely discover who we are before we become lovers, friends, and mothers. When we hitch our cart to another wagon without full knowledge of what we’re carrying or how that load will change once we’re on the road, we set ourselves up for a rough ride. This lack of understanding is a roadblock in love; a roadblock that causes us to reevaluate our relationships (particularly the ones full of frost heaves.) Before we can set our GPS for the best possible route, there are three basic questions we should ask ourselves at the start of our journey to love.

1. Who am I?

Before we can love someone, anyone, we must first know who we are, alone, as individuals. There are lots of great quotes out there that ask us to go one step further than this. Lucille Ball once said, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” According to her philosophy, we don’t just have to know who we are, we must love who we are. The reality is, though everyone loves Lucy, everyone does not love themselves. We may not embrace all of our idiosyncrasies. Who loves their love handles? That’s a tall order. We do, however, have to acknowledge them. Before we can be comfortable with someone else, we should know what we like, and what we don’t like, about ourselves.

Advertising

To understand who we are, we can think about what we like to do, how we like to treat people, and how we like to be treated. When there’s not a soul in sight, what lights us up? What music do we love? What excites us? What drives us? In plain words, what are we passionate about? Before we were someone’s partner, best friend, or parent, we were us. Like so many other journeys in life, love’s journey should start from a place of self-awareness.

2. Who am I With You?

Are we the same person we have always been when we are with our beloved? Do we feel as though we can “be real” around each other? Though we think, feel, and act differently around different people, do we think, feel, and act totally unlike ourselves when we’re in our loved one’s presence? Like prisms catch the sunlight, people are reflections of the light that pass through them. Do we shine our brightest when we are with our love, or do our find ourself overshadowed by his or her presence?

Advertising

Either way, the answer to this question leaves a lot to ponder. If we find that our authentic self shines brighter when we are with our special someone, then chances are it’s because he or she makes us feel like being ourself is okay. It’s more than okay. It’s expected. We are accepted for who we really are. On the the other hand, if we feel like our true self has changed out of a desire to please or appease who we’re with, then it’s time to reconsider whether this relationship is dimming our light and suppressing our genuine personality.

3. Who are We Together?

“Who are we together?” is an essential question in relationships. Do we help each other to be happy, healthy people? Do we encourage each other to be caring, emotionally sound individuals? Unfortunately, it’s not an easy question to answer. It’s not as simple as asking ourselves, “Are we good together?” When we love someone, lots of things feel good. This question goes beyond feelings. This question asks, “Are we good for each other?” Are the things that make us who we are “good” for the person we love?

Advertising

To answer this question, it will help if we identify which role we play in our relationship. The world is full of givers and takers. If we’re a giver who’s in a relationship with a taker and that works for us both, then great. More often than not, a giver will give until there’s nothing left; but if a taker doesn’t learn to appreciate what’s been given and give back… do we even need to say it? Really, if two takers come together, we have bigger issues here than awareness. Focus on survival.

Think Over Your Answers

If by asking ourselves these simple questions we have reaffirmed what we have always known about who we are separately and together – congratulations! Reflecting on our character and how the people in our life help us to express our individuality will make our relationship more meaningful. Realizing that we have made a healthy choice to love someone who loves the real us increases our appreciation of him or her. If the answers to these questions aren’t what we wanted to hear, think about them. Does the problem lie within ourself? If so, do we want to change? Does the issue come from who we have become around our loved one? Can he or she accept us?

Advertising

If the breakdown comes from who we are as a couple, can we become better for each other? Can we learn better ways of nurturing our differences rather than letting them divide us? Relationships, at heart, are about how two people relate to each other. It’s about compromise. Compromise is when two people concede something. If one person makes all the concessions, that’s not much of a compromise, is it? The course of true love may not run smooth, but this doesn’t mean that we should steam roll over each other in the process.

“Love is the goal, life is the journey” – Osho

More by this author

7 Things That Make A Woman Beautiful That Makeup Can’t Do 4 Things Happy Couples Don’t Do No Matter What Happens Three Essential Questions To Ask Yourself En Route To True Love

Trending in Communication

1 What Is Self Actualization? 13 Traits of a Self-Actualized Person 2 Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression 3 20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die 4 How to Deal with Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 5 10 Websites To Learn Something New In 30 Minutes A Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

Advertising

• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

Advertising

Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

Advertising

One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

Advertising

Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

Read Next