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The Ultimate Survival Guide For Moving In Together

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The Ultimate Survival Guide For Moving In Together

Moving in together is a huge step for any relationship, so before you take it you must consider several key things. Then, when the time comes and it feels right, here’s a survival guide you can use to make the transition as easy as possible!

Lifestyle writer Sophie Osborne takes a look at how to survive moving in with your other half. What seems like the easiest decision in the world can often lead to arguments over the most trivial of things; power struggles ensue over where to rent, different paint shades, or who should pay what. Using our handy interactive tools, you can work out what suits you both and avoid falling into traps that could test the strength of your relationship. With expert tips, real life examples, and some fun advice along the way, discover how to move in, without falling out.

Should We Move In Together

So, you’re in love and you enjoy each other’s company? Maybe you’re starting to think about a future under a shared roof? Living together is a big, and let’s face it scary, deal. It’s natural to feel intimidated by the challenges.

Our Story

Like many couples, our path to finding and feathering our love nest wasn’t traditional. A whirlwind of all consuming L.O.V.E, stolen sleepovers and heady ‘honeymoon’ getaways. We quickly made the jump of living together but it wasn’t long before reality bit.
We moved to the Big Smoke, started new jobs and had to completely adapt our lifestyles at the same time. Our new habitat was a box room in an overpriced grotty flat-share with (ex) friends. It wasn’t a case of finding ‘the one’ for us. We’d trusted our housemate to find our home. Big mistake.
Surviving those humble, at times horrific, beginnings laid the foundations of our life together. We still laugh about the permanently sticky floors. The sink that bruised your knee each time you visited the loo. Picture a squat and you’re getting close. It sounds cheesy but we had everything we needed in that room: each other.
Since then we’ve experienced the (tears of) joy in renting our first solo apartment, the awkwardness of having to stay at the folks’, buying then selling our first property and moving again to our current home.

Knowing You’re Ready

Sometimes the merge can be gradual. An emergency pair of pants and a spare toothbrush often becomes a dedicated drawer. Sleepovers and spare keys become the norm. You might feel like you are simulating a home situation but making the change from ‘back to mine’ to ‘back to ours’ is worth careful consideration.
Every couple is unique, but what stage should you be at to know you’re ready to live together? Honest communication is key. Have you shared your goals and been clear about your expectations for the future?
It’s inevitable that moving in together will change things. Bear in mind best behaviours will soon fade to reveal odd habits. Romance gives way to routine. Be vocal if you have deal breakers at this point – maybe it’s time to reduce that record collection or edit your wardrobe?

Couples Mediator and Relationship Expert Debra Macleod recommends asking yourselves the following questions:

– Why are we moving in together?

– What is our goal?

– Is our cohabitation meant to be temporary or permanent?

– How will we handle housework?

Couples often have different reasons for living together – one partner may simply want to save money on rent. These kinds of assumptions can sink a couple’s chances for cohabiting success before they’ve even left the shore

Of course it may seem easier and cheaper when you’re spending so much time together to just move in but convenience should be a bonus. If you’re making the leap because it’s the ‘done’ thing then reconsider – you should want to live together. Trust your instincts; it should feel like a comfortable step rather than a risky leap.Moving in together is something that’s easy to do out of convenience. It makes it easier to spend time together, and it’s often a lot cheaper than living on one’s own. Many couples are not interested in marriage, which is fine; however, partners must be on the same page about this so that there are no conflicting expectations – Samantha Joel, MA

Looking For A House

Prepare

Congratulations if this is the stage you’re at. Not wanting to burst your blissful bubble, but finances have to come first. Money is a common cause of relationship problems so it’s crucial to get this right from the outset. There’s no avoiding these sensitive conversations to decide how you’re going to handle bills and costs. Bite the bullet, make budget plans and stick to them.

How are our expenses to be sorted out? Don’t assume that one partner paying rent and other paying bills will work out to be fair. You will also have to account for your different incomes: a 50/50 split may be not doable – Debra Macleod, Relationship Expert

You’ll also need to take into account any existing debts, organise insurance and individual security. Setting up a ‘Cohabitation Agreement’ as a record of ownership and responsibility ensures that neither of you lose out financially should you separate. Setting up automatic bill payments in advance will also save any issues later on.

It’s much harder to break up when you live together than when you don’t. You don’t want to end up continuing to date someone who isn’t actually a good match for you, just because you don’t want to have to split up your stuff, move out, etc. – Samantha Joel, M.A.

For more information about cohabitation agreements, you can check out advicenow.org

Search

Search engines, handy mobile apps and useful tailored tools make property research simpler. It will soon become clear that it’s not just about ‘location, location, location’. The best way to agree on what to compromise on is by identifying your priorities. A simple way to do this is creating a ‘needs vs wants’ list – do this alone first and then create your joint criteria to refine your search.

Designing the House

When you move your thoughts may soon turn from undressing each other to dressing your space. It’s fun and savvy to start to visualising your interior early on.

Inspire

Get creativity flowing by using imagery to help define your style. Be open to where you source inspiration – why not take a trip to an exhibition or design museum? Perhaps your favourite little café or store has details you can integrate? Books, magazines and Pinterest can be used for creating mood boards and MADExUnboxed is perfect for taking a sneak peek into real homes.

Collaborate

Decoration can be something enjoyed together regardless of DIY skills. Establish mutual sense of ownership, share ideas and take interest in each other’s desires; get excited about making a home together. Harmony takes teamwork but you’re bound to disagree. If you can’t agree then let a game of ‘rock, paper, scissor’ decide.

Personalise

You may have very different (or even bizarre) individual tastes but this can result in some of the most creative and interesting design. By mixing and matching pieces, blending styles and eras you’ll create an environment unique to you as a couple. A well-loved home will tell your story through memories and mementoes. Art, photographs and accessories are a great way to do this and add interest.

Make sure there is at least one element in each room that really represents each of you separately – these don’t have to be huge pieces, perhaps a small accessory or piece of wall art. Then work together to purchase or find the larger statement pieces. This way, your room is largely about the two of you together but still combines elements of your distinct personalities.
– Alessandra Wood, Design Historian

Plan

Shopping can, and should be enjoyable – the secret is in the planning. Establish what you’re working with by using a floor plan and taking measurements (this bit is important). Set budgets to keep you on track, allowing for a few luxuries. It helps to prioritise which areas need immediate attention and which can wait.

Optimise

Regardless of budget, space is often the biggest luxury and cause of conflict. Clever storage hides a multitude of nick-nacks and consider multi-functional pieces and multi usage of rooms.

Living In Harmony

It’s easy to get wrapped up in your cosy life together, but don’t confuse comfort with complacency. Share lazy weekends eating takeout in your pyjamas but don’t let that become the daily routine. Try to focus on being a partner first then a roommate and you’ll be certain to keep that spark.Appreciate that it won’t always be exciting but there should always be excitement. Create traditions, organise date nights, shake up your routines and try new things together – it could be as simple as trying a new recipe or switching off the TV to have a dance to your favourite tunes.Research suggests that the key to maintaining the “spark” in long-term relationships is to continue to do new, exciting things together. Break the routine by doing something that’s a little out of your comfort zone. – Samantha Joel, M.A.Allocate dedicated chores based on preference but make changes to your responsibilities whenever possible to keep it enjoyable. Personal space is essential – just because you live together don’t feel like you need to spend 24/7 together. If space is an issue then simply request some – whether it’s a long soak in the tub or a quiet spot to read in, everyone needs a private sanctuary.Respect and support each other as individuals making time for separate social activities and hobbies but demonstrate interest. Maintaining a joint social life having friends that you see regularly is a great way to have fun as a couple. Open up your home to entertain guests.Keep your environment fresh with seasonal updates and new accessories. Rotate furniture layouts (aka ‘musical chairs’) and reconsider details; small changes make a big difference.

Design Historian Alessandra Wood recommends:

– Layer lighting so you can control the atmosphere and mood of your space. Perhaps you’d like a romantic dinner or bright lights under which to play a game. Use a mixture of overhead lighting, lamps, and task lighting to create innumerable atmospheres to strike a mood within your space

– Don’t be afraid to indulge in a few special luxuries that will make your home feel like a fancy spa. Great towels and sheets, fluffy blankets and throws, and plush rugs will make your home feel like a paradise. When you love where you live and all the things inside, it makes living with another person much easier!”

It takes a certain level of patience and emotional understanding to maintain harmony. Need to talk? Get out of the house; as much as you love your space, nothing beats getting out of those four walls to reconnect, keeping home sweet home.

About The Author:

Sophie Osborne: Freelance Writer /  ‘s Editor Intern 2013 / Magazine Addict / Mama to be.

A Survival Guide For Couples About To Move In Together | Made

Featured photo credit: Retro Chair in an Old Pub via picjumbo.com

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Siobhan Harmer

Siobhan is a passionate writer sharing about motivation and happiness tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 5, 2022

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

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How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

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That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

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More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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