Advertising
Advertising

Stop Hiding These 9 Things if You Want a Serious Relationship

Stop Hiding These 9 Things if You Want a Serious Relationship

You might think that hiding big, bad things from your partner will make your relationship better, but it will actually tear down the trust your partner has given you. The relationship might seem better at the time, but everything eventually comes to light, and when your partner finds out you’ve hidden things from them, they will wonder if you’re telling them the truth about anything. If you want a serious relationship, you shouldn’t hide these nine things from your partner.

1. Your dreams.

Your partner needs to know what you want to accomplish in your life. Openly share your dreams for the future. Let them know what goals you want to reach in your education, career, or family life, and what steps you’re going to take to reach these goals. Your partner will know what you want to accomplish and will not stand in your way, and will even know how they can help you reach these goals a little easier.

Advertising

5004566827_5c636003bb_z

    2. Your natural beauty.

    Don’t be afraid to show your partner who you really are. This means they don’t always get to see you dressed up for a night on the town. Sometimes they’ll see you when you wake up – without makeup, with messy hair, puffy eyes and all! They’ll see you with flat, wet hair when you get out of the shower. They’ll see you sweating and throwing up when you’re sick. You shouldn’t feel like you need to always be made up, combed, and have freshly brushed teeth just to be with your partner.

    3. Your food intake.

    Do you really want to live your life always ordering the small, healthy meal on dates, when you could be ordering the food you really crave? Your partner isn’t going to judge you for wanting a burger over a salad! Don’t be afraid to eat what you want when you’re with your partner, and don’t indulge yourself in private and then keep it from them later.

    Advertising

    4. Your past.

    You don’t have to spell out every dirty little detail or even throw out your numbers, but make sure your partner knows what your past was like. This can mean everything from your childhood, to high school troubles, to past relationships. If there was an issue in your past, it could crop up in your current relationship, but if you partner knows about it, you won’t have to worry. Being upfront about your past also means there will be no surprises if anything comes out of the woodwork later.

    5. Your expectations.

    Make clear from the beginning what you expect from your partner and the relationship. If you’re serious, then you should feel comfortable telling them you want to get married at some point and whether you would like to have kids, for example. Just make sure you present this in a positive way, so your significant other doesn’t feel like you’re issuing an ultimatum.

    Advertising

    6. Your boundaries.

    You might be happily in love, but you don’t want to become one person. No matter how much you have in common and how much you love spending time together, you need to keep a part of your identity separate from them. Make your boundaries clear about how much time you need alone, how much physical space you need when you’re together, and what you’d like to do with your free time.

    7. Your beliefs.

    It doesn’t matter whether you and your partner share the same beliefs, as long as you’re upfront about them. Don’t hide your religion or political affiliation just because your partner thinks differently. This could cause major problems later. Be truthful about your beliefs from the start so your partner will know where you stand.

    Advertising

    8. Your personal problems.

    This goes for problems happening now, or things that have gone on in the past. Tell your partner! Being in a relationship means you’re in a partnership. You have someone to share the burden with, so take advantage of that! Don’t worry if they’ll yell at you or judge you – if you’re truly in love, you can get past anything.

    9. Your financial status.

    You don’t have to pull out bank statements, but if you have a lot of debt or college loans, make sure your partner knows. Some people work really hard to keep good credit scores, and they need to know if your money issues will affect them once you’re married. It doesn’t mean that money is a deal breaker, just that you may have some things to work through before you join finances with your sweetie.

    Featured photo credit: QuinnDombrowski via flickr.com

    More by this author

    16 Productivity Secrets of Highly Successful People Revealed Why You Should Keep A Journal And How To Get Started 10 Incredible Benefits of Cuddling That Make You Want to Cuddle Now 15 Differences Between the Boy you Date and the Man you Marry 10 Signs That You’re Ready For Marriage

    Trending in Communication

    1 How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship (And Learn to Love Again) 2 How to Use the Law of Attraction to Make Your Dreams Happen 3 10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively 4 How To Be Happy Alone and Enjoy Life 5 What Is Self-Worth and How to Recognize Yours

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on April 6, 2020

    10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

    10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

    Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

    Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

    Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

    So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

    1. Be Authentic

    To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

    Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

    Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

    Advertising

    2. Listen

    Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

    To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

    Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

    Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

    3. Become an Expert

    Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

    You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

    4. Lead with Story

    From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

    Advertising

    If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

    5. Lead by Example

    It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

    ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

    We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

    6. Catch People Doing Good

    A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

    Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

    7. Be Effusive with Praise

    It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

    Advertising

    Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

    8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

    I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

    The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

    If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

    9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

    The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

    The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

    If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

    Advertising

    10. Understand Your Lane

    If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

    Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

    You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

    Final Thoughts

    Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

    It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

    More Tips About Making Influence

    Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

    Read Next