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Common Relationship Mistakes: 4 Simple Ways to Destroy A Relationship

Common Relationship Mistakes: 4 Simple Ways to Destroy A Relationship

It’s been a few months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blown relationship. Now is usually the point where things start going to the dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.

This time it’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfect and you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make its appearance once again.

people break up all the time

    Don’t Stand Up For Yourself

    This is an all too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling of lack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but it manifests itself differently.

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    Some men think that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have to submit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her, she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems as if men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover who puts up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfect median. They end up resenting their partner instead of loving them.

    The same is true for women, except women will almost always express their resentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this! There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think for herself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes him with her passive aggressive tactics.

    Accept Sacrifice As A Rule

    Most people are under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships require work and compromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell you why.

    In any given situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less. When you practice this concept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respect that he or she will not and should not change everything just because you asked.

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    For example, if your partner has a friend that makes you really uncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings for your partner you have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to a healthy relationship:

    1. Ask your partner to stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship with you.
    2. Pretend like you don’t care until all hell breaks out.
    3. Tell your partner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviate your fears. Maybe they invite you to become friends with this person, or they decide to not do certain things together, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both of you.

    You should never feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to give up for your significant other, unless your relationship is worth way more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the house for this person, or move across the country and give up your house because you want them in your life. Remember to do so because you want to and not because you have to.

    Rely On Telepathy To Communicate

    Contrary to popular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both men and women equally.

    Gentlemen. Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’re gorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you care about them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say it they’ll never know. So remember, say it and say it often.

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    Ladies. I know you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’s bothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want to believe that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or, even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, we know that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have to get over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when he makes you angry, because he literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promise that he’s not ignoring you or doing something to spite you. He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do better next time and how to make it OK this time.

    Ladies and Gentlemen. Giving directions during sex is the only fool-proof way to get exactly what you want. We’ve all just agreed that neither gender is capable of mind reading, so make sure you vocalize what you want and how.

    Slack Off As Soon As Possible

    Now that you’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy. Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning is starting to fade away.

    Guys. Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romantic and you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he here anymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doing these things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s going to be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extra mile and you’ll be left in the dust.

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    Women aren’t off the hook either. When was the last time you pulled out something sexy to wear to bed? Has it really been an entire week since you did anything about your hair? Beauty isn’t about looking a certain way. It’s about doing the best you can with what you have and taking pride in your appearance. It sounds shallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attracted to a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a woman who loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself for longer than 3 months. 

    (Editors Note: This is quite a controversial topic which you may not agree with, if so, how would you avoid these common relationship mistakes?)

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    Last Updated on May 28, 2020

    10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

    10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

    Are you stressed out and overwhelmed, wishing you had more time to do the things that really matter? Are you ready to do something better, something special in your life or your career?

    You were born with a gift that no one else in the world can express like you. When you dance to your own music, you naturally develop your innate abilities and excel in work and life. You are a total rock star. But when you live someone else’s idea of who you should be, it throws off your groove.

    Many people—maybe you—stopped following their dreams way too early in life because their talents were ignored, minimized, or shamed. They didn’t have the chops to win an American Idol competition or nab an Olympic gold medal, so they stopped expressing their inborn gifts altogether.

    You don’t need to be an award winner to rock your life. Living your dream life is about discovering your superpowers and feeling vibrant and joyful when you use them. It’s about owning what makes you unique and finding like-minded people to support you.

    Here are 10 success principles to help you live a rich and rewarding life on your terms that have worked with thousands of people in my workshops and will work for you, too.

    1. Get a Hobby to Move Closer to Your Dreams

    If you never became a professional dancer or a world-renowned author, it does NOT mean you should stop dancing or writing! These activities make you come alive, even if you “only” do them as favorite pastimes.

    Engaging in a hobby is one of the most important success principles you can follow to move closer to your dreams.

    When you try something creative for the first time or in a long while, you begin to see opportunities at work and in life that you were unaware of before. You also feel happier and more energized, according to a recent study from New Zealand.[1]

    Some of my most burned-out executive clients reinvigorated their careers by discovering a creative outlet that refueled them after the workday ended. Research at San Francisco State University shows that having a hobby lowers stress and helps you succeed at work.[2]

    So, give yourself permission to try new things and revisit old passions you gave up long ago. Setting aside just one hour a week for personal exploration can significantly change your life.

    Who knows? Your creative outlet could transform into a thriving business or lead to a new profession down the road.

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    2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

    Did you know that you are more likely to succeed when you develop your natural strengths rather than work on your weaknesses? The problem is that you probably don’t know where your true talents lie.

    Here are a few options to help you discover your unique strengths. You can:

    • Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey[3]
    • Try Gallup’s CliftonStrengths Assessment[4]
    • Answer a few Superpower Questions

    Once you understand what makes you tick, you can use these skills at work and your personal life to get more done in less time. If you boost your unique abilities through practice and study, you can accelerate your career and become a leader in a field that matters to you. It’s worth investing in yourself this way.

    3. Jumping off a Cliff is NOT Required

    Here’s the deal: most people are too afraid to change. When participants first come to my workshops, they tell me they have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and fear that if they follow their dreams, someone will get hurt.

    The old saying “leap and the net shall appear” does not comfort them. Because they are hesitant to plunge into the unknown, they believe their only option is to stay put where they are in life. Can you relate?

    You do not have to sacrifice the life you have now to start a new one. I was a psychology professor by day and singer by night for years before I transitioned into a full-time music career.

    Just take a little time out each week to do what enlivens you through a hobby, volunteer work, etc. Get a feel for it.

    Is it what you really want? If so, increase the time you spend doing it and make the transition when the time feels right.

    4. Give Your Inner Critic Some Love

    The main culprit that keeps you from stepping outside your comfort zone and getting the life of your dreams is KCRP or K-CRAP – the radio station that plays 24/7 in your head. The moment you try to do something interesting with your life it slaps you down with such chart-topping killer hooks as “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll never be good enough!”.

    Have you ever noticed that KCRP’s mean-spirited DJ sounds like your parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who shut you down creatively? These folks don’t need to stifle you any longer (although they often still do) because your inner critic does it for them. That keeps you stuck in a rut.

    To break free, try thinking of this DJ as a gruff old grandfather who gives you crap to keep you safe. Remember, this grumpy grandpa is woefully out of touch with the times. So, his stern opinions don’t really matter much, do they? Give him a pat on the back for his good intentions, and put your focus back on what makes you come alive.

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    This success principle will give you the courage to venture into the unknown where you can dance to the beat of your own drummer.

    5. Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

    Many of us don’t go after our dreams because we’re afraid folks will find out how odd or strange we are. But our little eccentricities often turn out to be our greatest strengths. Yes, it’s good to be quirky.

    Odds are, you lost track of your true passions and talents before you were even old enough to know you were getting off-track. You became slowly “adulterated” by learning to:

    • Take on family roles that don’t match who you really are.
    • Spit back what teachers taught you in school rather than risk getting bad grades for being original.
    • Hide parts of yourself that don’t seem acceptable to certain social groups.

    The price for fitting in is that you may wind up leading a life that doesn’t fit you all that well. Your true calling becomes clear when you embrace what makes you different from others and allow yourself to stand out from the crowd, even if it feels awkward.

    Often, the very qualities you view as your flaws are your greatest gifts.

    6. See the Bigger Picture to Find Your True Calling

    I cannot stress the importance of this success principle enough. Your true calling is right in front of you. But you may miss it because you’re looking for it in the wrong place.

    To “see” it clearly, try widening your point of view.

    Case in point: Maria felt she needed to retire early from being a police detective, so she could travel abroad. I encouraged Maria to think of ways that she could continue to serve as a law enforcer (a career she loved) and travel overseas at the same time.

    A few months later, Maria landed a job with the United Nations in Bosnia training the local police force to understand and embrace human rights procedures.

    Like Maria, you are an everyday rock star capable of accomplishing greater things than you can imagine. Is what you’re looking for right in front of you, too? Do you have an inkling of what it may be?

    Look beyond your day-to-day activities, your current job, and even the town you live in. View your life from an eagle’s perspective and be open to new possibilities.

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    7. Try a Little Wish-List Magic

    Pretend I’m your fairy godmother and I give you permission right now to be your most magnificent self. What kind of life would be music to your ears? It doesn’t matter whether it seems unattainable or even downright crazy. Write it down on a wish list.

    Get quiet. Be honest. Think big.

    What would you like your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, and your spiritual life to be like? Jot down enough details so that your wishes seem tangible to you. Then, look at this list every morning before you start your day and every night before you go to sleep.

    Sounds silly? It’s not. It works! Permitting yourself to daydream about a rich and fulfilling life is the first step to manifesting it.

    8. Take Breaks to Get Clues About Your Ideal Future

    Did you know that working straight through to a deadline leads to diminishing returns? Research shows that taking a break for 15 minutes every 75 to 90 minutes can help you recharge, refresh your focus, and get more done in less time.[5]

    Wait, it gets better! A Stanford study shows that walking increases your creative output increases by 60 percent. Doing repetitive activities such as walking, running, riding your bike, swimming, and sweeping allow solutions to problems to pop into your mind out of nowhere.[6]

    What does this success principle have to do with creating your dream life?

    These mini-breaks allow you to get vital clues for what to do next to attain your ideal future. Plus, you won’t waste precious time and energy getting lost in other people’s agendas.

    9. Take Action on Your Inspired Ideas

    Once an inspired thought pops into your mind, take action.

    This is one of the most powerful success principles for turning your dreams into reality; the sooner the better. Whatever it is—from calling an old friend to taking a new route home—be sure to do it!

    Pay attention to your oddball hunches. You need to go after what you want, not just dream about it. As comedian Jim Carrey warns,

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    “You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.”

    10. Count Your Rockstar Moments

    Still not sure you have what it takes to get your dream life? This final success principle is guaranteed to help.

    Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. As you read back through it, put a star next to each item, and let it sink in.

    You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how good you’ll feel about yourself afterward. You’ll also see how effective you’ve been in the past at getting what you want. You’ve succeeded before, you can succeed again.

    You already rock. You just need to own it. Trust me, you’ve got this!

    Final Thoughts

    Eleanor Roosevelt said,

    “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

    Following these success principles will help you find the time and energy to do the things that really matter and live with clear intention.

    By spending just one hour a week doing something you love, focusing on your strengths and achievements, embracing what makes you different, and acting on inspired ideas, you can create a life that is a perfect fit for you, step-by-step.

    If you don’t have a clue about what your dream life could look like yet, don’t worry. Your heart knows. It has been “talking” to you for a long time. It’s just being muffled by KCRP, buried under a lot of “shoulds” and fear.

    This article can also help you figure out the life you truly want to live: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up.

    Stand still, get quiet, and listen. It’s constantly telling you what you need to do to realize your own rockstar potential. It may be just a whisper now, but the more you pay attention to it, the louder it will get, and the easier it will be to follow.

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    Featured photo credit: Rahul Dey via unsplash.com

    Reference

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