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Common Relationship Mistakes: 4 Simple Ways to Destroy A Relationship

Common Relationship Mistakes: 4 Simple Ways to Destroy A Relationship

It’s been a few months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blown relationship. Now is usually the point where things start going to the dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.

This time it’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfect and you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make its appearance once again.

people break up all the time

    Don’t Stand Up For Yourself

    This is an all too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling of lack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but it manifests itself differently.

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    Some men think that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have to submit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her, she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems as if men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover who puts up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfect median. They end up resenting their partner instead of loving them.

    The same is true for women, except women will almost always express their resentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this! There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think for herself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes him with her passive aggressive tactics.

    Accept Sacrifice As A Rule

    Most people are under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships require work and compromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell you why.

    In any given situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less. When you practice this concept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respect that he or she will not and should not change everything just because you asked.

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    For example, if your partner has a friend that makes you really uncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings for your partner you have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to a healthy relationship:

    1. Ask your partner to stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship with you.
    2. Pretend like you don’t care until all hell breaks out.
    3. Tell your partner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviate your fears. Maybe they invite you to become friends with this person, or they decide to not do certain things together, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both of you.

    You should never feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to give up for your significant other, unless your relationship is worth way more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the house for this person, or move across the country and give up your house because you want them in your life. Remember to do so because you want to and not because you have to.

    Rely On Telepathy To Communicate

    Contrary to popular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both men and women equally.

    Gentlemen. Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’re gorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you care about them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say it they’ll never know. So remember, say it and say it often.

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    Ladies. I know you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’s bothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want to believe that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or, even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, we know that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have to get over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when he makes you angry, because he literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promise that he’s not ignoring you or doing something to spite you. He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do better next time and how to make it OK this time.

    Ladies and Gentlemen. Giving directions during sex is the only fool-proof way to get exactly what you want. We’ve all just agreed that neither gender is capable of mind reading, so make sure you vocalize what you want and how.

    Slack Off As Soon As Possible

    Now that you’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy. Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning is starting to fade away.

    Guys. Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romantic and you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he here anymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doing these things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s going to be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extra mile and you’ll be left in the dust.

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    Women aren’t off the hook either. When was the last time you pulled out something sexy to wear to bed? Has it really been an entire week since you did anything about your hair? Beauty isn’t about looking a certain way. It’s about doing the best you can with what you have and taking pride in your appearance. It sounds shallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attracted to a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a woman who loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself for longer than 3 months. 

    (Editors Note: This is quite a controversial topic which you may not agree with, if so, how would you avoid these common relationship mistakes?)

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    Last Updated on August 6, 2020

    How to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic

    How to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic

    Let’s be honest. When you’re going through a difficult time in life, doesn’t it drive you crazy when someone says, “just be optimistic”?

    Everyone has that one overly-optimistic “Positive Pam” friend who sees the good in everything. Trying to find anything to be happy about when you’re struggling feels unrealistic.

    The question remains: “Why is it difficult to pull upon happy thoughts when everything in life feels like it’s falling apart?”

    Well, the root of the problem lies in the brain. Your brain isn’t designed for happiness because its focus has always been on promoting survival, it saves the happy chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin) for opportunities to meet a survival need.[1]

    While all of this is true, it is still possible to train your brain to be optimistic so that you can find the silver lining amidst life’s greatest adversities.

    You Can’t Be Positive All the Time

    Before I talk about how you can do this, you must realize that you aren’t expected to be positive 100% of the time. You’re human and life happens.

    Have you ever had a solid plan in place, and then life comes along and says, “Let’s explore rock bottom for a while instead?!” You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, or negative sometimes.

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    However, the trick is making sure that you don’t live in this place for too long. Disempowering emotions serve their purpose in the short-term but can become destructive to your overall quality of life in the long-term.

    When it comes to thinking positively, I think a lot of people have a skewed understanding of what positivity should look like. You don’t have to sing in the rain or smile 24/7 to be deemed a positive person.

    Appreciating the smallest of things can work wonders for your mindset, such that, over time, you start wiring your brain to seek out and expect more positives. This speaks to the power of having an attitude of gratitude.

    Research has shown that gratitude can improve general well-being, increase resilience, strengthen social relationships, and reduce stress and depression.[2]

    The more grateful you are, the happier you are.

    So, what does all of this mean? Well, happiness won’t always be your automatic response. Rather, it’s a choice that you have to make every single day.

    3 Ways You Can Train Your Brain to Be Positive

    Similar to any habit, your brain conditions itself to think and behave in certain ways through repetition. Thus, if you engage in daily rituals that enhance your positive thinking, over time you will rewire and train your brain to become more positive.

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    Let’s talk about 3 ways that you can train your brain to be positive:

    1. Challenge Negative Thoughts

    Your mind is a powerful tool – you can either fill it with positive thoughts or negative ones. The average person has thousands of thoughts per day, 80% of which are negative, and 95% of which are exactly the same thoughts as the day before.[3]

    If you’re like most people, you probably spend a lot of time in your head. This is where your inner critic loves to hang out and try to convince you of all the reasons why you’re not good enough or why things won’t work out.

    Not surprisingly, if you play this disempowering record over and over again in your head, eventually you will start believing it.

    People get into trouble when they define who they are based on how they think. You are not your thoughts, so don’t believe everything that you think. This is why it’s so important to practice challenging your negative thoughts.

    The next time that you have a thought that doesn’t serve you, stop and reflect upon whether or not that thought is accurate. Once you determine where the fallacy is in your thinking lies, step back and ask yourself, “Is this thought building me up or tearing me down?” If it’s the latter, reframe the negative thought to a more empowering one.

    The fastest way to change your life is to change your narrative. Small shifts in your mindset can trigger a massive shift in how you perceive yourself, others, and the world.

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    2. Surround Yourself With Positive People

    Your success in life is determined, in large part, by your environment. If you want to be an optimistic person, you have to surround yourself with optimistic people. End of story.

    As Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

    Take a moment and think about your close circle of friends. Are they inspiring and driven people who uplift and empower you? Or are they lazy, negative, and toxic?

    If it’s the latter, I hate to break it to you, but it’s time to find new friends.

    When you surround yourself with positive people, you’re more likely to adopt empowering beliefs and see life as happening for you instead of to you.[4]

    Decide who you want to be and find people who embody those traits. When you raise your standards, your circle will change and so, too, will your life.

    3. Make Your Mental Health and Well-Being a Priority

    The COVID-19 pandemic has given rise to a drastic increase in mental health issues. The isolation, fear, uncertainty, and economic turmoil that people are facing around the world is a breeding ground for psychological distress.[5]

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    Given the current state of our world, there has never been a more important time for us to make our mental health and well-being a priority.

    The question remains, “How do you stay positive when everything sucks?”

    It’s all a matter of perspective.

    We know that the mind and body are connected. If you ignore one, the other one suffers equally as much. Research has found that taking care of ourselves physically and mentally can influence our happiness and train our brains over time to be more positive.[6]

    Looking after your mind and body means creating a daily self-care ritual, consisting of eating healthy foods, exercising, meditating, doing yoga, staying connected with friends, journaling, reading, and practicing affirmations, to name a few.

    Anything that helps you manage your stress and connect with the present moment is key. Even in the most challenging of times, it is always possible to find something to be grateful for. By choosing to focus on what is good in your life and what makes you happy, you will grow stronger in the face of adversity.

    Now Is the Time to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic

    Your mindset is everything. Thinking positively is as important as your skills or talents. We cannot always control our outer world, which is why it’s imperative to cultivate a strong inner world.

    How you respond to adversity will determine your success in life. Have faith, trust in yourself, and believe in what is possible. When you think positively, positive things will happen.

    More Tips on How to Be Optimistic

    Featured photo credit: Dayne Topkin via unsplash.com

    Reference

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