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Hunting for Happiness? Five Ways to Change Your Mind and Be Happier.

Hunting for Happiness? Five Ways to Change Your Mind and Be Happier.

Life can beat us up and suck the happiness out of our days.

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    Relationships, work, loss and physical illness can pile on and make our hearts hurt. But all of us know someone who seems happy even when they’re experiencing difficulty in some part of their life.

    Their secret?

    They’ve learned to control their thought lives.

    If you’re wondering how to find happiness even when life is hard, you might need brain surgery. Not One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest brain surgery, but sometimes a few tweaks in how you you think can make a huge difference in your happiness.

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    If you’re stuck in the doldrums and want to feel better, give yourself a brain transplant.

    Here are five ways to change your mind.

    1. Diagnose your thought patterns.

    Take a quick biopsy of your reactions to situations and people that make you angry or unhappy, and diagnose the thought patterns you’ve formed around them. If your head is full of negative stuff- “Nobody likes me,” or “I’ll never succeed in this job,” etc., then there’s no room for anything good.

    Understanding that your thoughts are negative before you allow yourself to react to them emotionally gives you a chance to decide to replace it with a happier one.

    The result: More happiness.

    2. Identify attitude problems and get rid of them.

    Truth is, a lot of how other people (spouses, bosses, etc.) react to us is largely determined by the things we say and the attitudes we project.

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    If you change your thinking from “I hate this job,” to “I’m going to try my best today to make work a better place,” you’ll be amazed at how things feel different.

    Giving first, serving others and smiling when you don’t feel like it will change how others perceive and react to you, and will make everything seem better to you.

    Having a lousy attitude hurts you more than anyone else.

    “Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”

    –Zig Ziglar

    3. Stop thinking about the past.

    If you’re sad or unhappy about stuff that happened yesterday, guess what?

    You’re spending today on something you can’t control or change. Neuroscientists have proven that focusing on regrets from the past harms your brain chemistry and keeps you stuck in unhappiness.

    Deciding instead to making sure you do things differently in the future will improve your outlook and you’ll feel something new in place of regret – hope.

    4. Cut out harmful connections.

    The truth is, there are some people and some situations that are toxic to us.

    If you frequently associate with people whose negativity, abuse, or behavior consistently produces pain and drains your joy, then sometimes the only solution is distance.

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    If you can’t make it better, then save yourself by getting the toxicity out of your life. Your brain will thank you, and your happiness will rise.

    5. Doubt your doubts.

    If you’re stuck in a miserable place because you’re simply too afraid to try something new, have a little faith!

    Believe in yourself that if you take a step towards life change things will improve, and your doubts will start to drain, making room for the possibility of a better life.

    Even if you try something new and it doesn’t work out, your heart will beat stronger with the knowledge that you really tried. You’ll regroup and next time get a little closer to the change you really want.

    If you want to feel happier, you have to tune up your thinking.

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    Change your thinking, and you’ll change your life.

    Featured photo credit: Jessica H. Tam via flickr.com

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    Last Updated on September 17, 2018

    7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

    7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

    Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

    Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

    When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

    Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

    1. You’re depressed about your home life.

    No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

    However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

    If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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    When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

    You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

    2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

    Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

    If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

    You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

    If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

    3. You can’t stop snooping.

    Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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    I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

    Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

    So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

    It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

    If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

    4. You’re afraid of commitment.

    If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

    Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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    No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

    If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

    Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

    5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

    If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

    Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

    Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

    Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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    If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

    6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

    When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

    When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

    If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

    7. You chase past feelings.

    It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

    You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

    When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

    Final thoughts

    If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

    Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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