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How You Can Deal With Highly Judgmental People

How You Can Deal With Highly Judgmental People

Judgmental people are everywhere. You might even be one yourself and not know it! But regardless of whether you judge or not, we all certainly recognize when others judge us. They are negative, draining, and they don’t make you feel good. So what can you do to cope?

Here are 10 tips that will help you keep your sanity:

1. Don’t take anything personally.

This is a difficult one for most people. We usually assume that someone is doing something because of us. But the truth is that highly judgmental people criticize everyone and everything – especially themselves. Sure, they might think they know everything or act like they are God’s gift to the world, but trust me – they don’t really feel that way. They act this way all the time, under all circumstances, with all people. So remember this: It’s not YOU … it’s THEM.

“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”  -Don Miguel Ruiz

2. Be compassionate.

Nasty, judgmental people are made, not born. Think about what could have possibly happened to this person in their life to make them this way. A child doesn’t become judgmental unless that behavior is modeled for them. So maybe their parents judged everything too – including them. You never know what kind of negative message they received about themselves growing up. So while it doesn’t make their behavior any more tolerable, remembering this will at least help you have a little bit of empathy for them.

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“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama

3. Look at it as a life lesson.

I think life is all about learning. If we don’t keep learning how to be a better person, then what’s the point of it all? So if you view judgmental people as just another life lesson, it will help. View every interaction with them as a “test” that you need to pass. Are you going to respond with negativity? Or are you going to rise above your instinct to attack them back and decide to be the better person? You always have a choice. So work on choosing positive responses.

“I am not someone who is ashamed of my past. I’m actually really proud. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but they, in turn, were my life lessons.”  -Drew Barrymore

4. Don’t sink to their level.

Like I just said, when someone criticizes us, our first instinct is to become defensive and protect ourselves. Or maybe you just attack back. But doing this makes you no better than them. If you don’t like their behavior, then don’t give them the power to change who you are. Don’t let their negativity turn you into a cranky, crabby person who plays the judgmental game right along with them. Choose to be the classy person and walk away with your head held high.

“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” -Coco Chanel

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5. Look beyond the obvious.

Most judgmental people are also critical of themselves. That might be hard to believe, but we have no way of knowing all the negative thoughts that go through their heads about themselves. For example, I knew a guy once who was criticizing all the overweight people a beach. He said they had no right to “flaunt” their flabby bodies so everyone had to see them. But guess what? He had severe body image issues himself. So his words were just a reflection of how he really felt about himself.

“The struggle of my life created empathy – I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me.”   -Oprah Winfrey

6. See them as if they were a child.

We don’t expect children to know everything. That’s why we tolerate and accept bad behavior from them more often than we do from adults. We think that once a person grows up, they should know better. They should have figured it all out. But that’s not how it works. Many adults don’t quite “get it” yet. So if you view them as a child – someone who is still learning and growing and doesn’t know any better – then it will be easier to be more compassionate.

“It is easier to build strong children then to repair broken men.” -Frederick Douglass

7. Reframe it.
Maybe the judgmental person is your boss. It’s obviously difficult to have to work with someone like that eight hours a day five days a week. But maybe you should focus on the fact that you even have a job. Or that other people you work with are really awesome. The judgmental person does not have to be the focus of your life unless you allow it. Put their behavior into context and try to look for the positives in the situation – or even in them.

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“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” -Winston Churchill

8. Have an attitude of gratitude.

Be thankful that YOU are not a bitter, judgmental person like they are. Be grateful that perhaps your parents didn’t criticize and tear you down like their parents did to them. Be happy that other people like you more than they like them. You can always find something to be grateful for in every situation – even if it is a difficult one. Anything can be seen as a life lesson if you choose to see it that way.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
-Melody Beattie

9. Focus your attention on other people who love and support you.

If you can avoid or remove the judgmental person from your life, then do it! Even if the judgmental person is your own mother, that doesn’t mean you have to talk to her every day. You can put distance between yourself and them. If the person is your boss, try to fly under the radar as much as possible. Maybe the person will forget about criticizing you and then go pick on someone else.

“You have to surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you.”  -Mena Suvari

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10. Don’t believe them.

Just because a person judges you don’t mean that what they are saying is right! Just because someone calls you stupid, doesn’t mean that it’s true! Just because someone calls you fat, it doesn’t mean other people think the same thing! One thing I know for sure in life is this: there are very few facts. Most of it is just someone’s opinion. So don’t confuse facts with opinion.

Here is the takeaway: don’t play into their negativity. Don’t take that on. Most judgmental people take pride in tearing other people down in attempt to feel better about themselves. But don’t let them drag you down with them.

“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” – Michael Jordan

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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