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How To Practice Forgiveness And Be Happier

How To Practice Forgiveness And Be Happier

Forgiveness plays a very important role in your life, especially within your most intimate relationships. Forgiveness offers both freedom and peace of mind, yet many choose to hold on to pain, bitterness and resentment. A lack of forgiveness lies at the heart of many problems; learning to let it go, thereby releasing you from its prison, can only result in one thing—happiness.

Your health and well-being are closely connected to your happiness. Practicing forgiveness will contribute significantly to them. With this in mind I wanted to share some points to help you to become more forgiving.

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See forgiveness as a gift to you, not a gift to someone else.

One of the reasons why you may hang on to a grievance is that you may believe that you are letting the other person off the hook by offering them forgiveness. In fact, it’s not actually about the other person. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself so that you no longer have to suffer, so that you can find peace and provide closure to the situation. The longer you hold on to a grievance, the more likely you are to have sleepless nights, stress and other unhealthy conditions. Practice forgiveness by treating it as a gift to you, so that you are free to live a happier life.

Stop ruminating on negative feelings.

Going over and over the same negative feelings will only continue to be a waste of time and be unproductive. Give yourself an opportunity to express how you feel to the relevant person, or if that is impossible (for example, if they are no longer alive), write it down in your journal. Expressing yourself and articulating exactly how it made you feel will help to release the grievance or grudge, thereby releasing any negative feelings associated with it.

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Identify your experience of the grudge.

When you’ve had something happen to you as a result of someone else’s behavior, it is hard to entertain the notion of offering forgiveness. One of the best ways to start the process is to identify your experience of the grudge. What are your actual feelings, thoughts and sensations around the situation? Most likely it will be a dark, sad and heavy feeling, which you have quite possibly played over and over in your mind. It can help to write this down, which will enable you to try to discover a new experience of the grudge so that you can release it once and for all.

Consider the impact holding on to the grudge has on you.

Ask yourself what areas of your life it has affected. Has it stopped you from living the life you once had? How would your life change if you practiced forgiveness? Remember that what happened was in the past and the very fact you are continuing to hold on to it will only keep it in the future for as long as you let it. Perhaps it is not only affecting you but those around you. Consider how your relationships will change if you choose differently.

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Ask yourself what you really need to do this.

If you need to express your hurt and pain to someone, perhaps it’s worth looking into that, or ask a friend to sit with you so you can let it all out. Use this as your chance to express what you really need so you can forgive, be honest and open with yourself, and look inwards to help heal. You need to stop carrying this heavy weight around with you, so really ask yourself what it is you need to do in order to continue with your life peacefully.

Acknowledge that it happened.

Sometimes when you choose not to forgive, there may be instances where you feel partly responsible for the situation, so you choose to blame someone else rather than be honest with yourself. Guilt is no better than holding on to your grudge; both of these feelings will eat away at you and only cause you harm in the long run. You owe it to yourself and your health to make a fresh start: get everything out, have the courage to own up and let it go.

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Forgiveness is a process.

Forgiveness will take time, as with anything else that is important to you. When the time is right, you must have an attitude of tough love towards yourself. Yes, be compassionate and caring, but don’t let yourself off the hook. Like doing something that really matters to you, you know you need to do it for your own good, so keep at it and stay committed—it will be worth it in the end.

Is there something or someone you need to forgive?

Featured photo credit: symphony of love via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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