Advertising
Advertising

How To Feel Love: 10 Tips For a Deeper Connection In Your Relationship

How To Feel Love: 10 Tips For a Deeper Connection In Your Relationship

After a long day at work, it’s too easy to come home and plop down in front of the television and space out. Don’t forget about your relationship, though, and don’t let your relationship get stale! These tips will help you feel love even if you’re worn out from a long day. You’ll establish a deeper connection in your relationship in no time flat!

1. Have meaningful conversations.

You can’t feel a connection with someone if you can’t really talk to them. Do you feel a strong tie to the neighbor you chit chat about the weather with? It’s doubtful. But if you stopped and learned about their personal life or beliefs, you’d be forging a relationship with them. It’s true—some relationships are casual, and just require small talk. But for the relationships you value, make sure you take time to have a meaningful conversation and really get to know the person.

Advertising

2. Be present.

When you’re with someone, actually be with them. Be present. Don’t be texting on your phone or paying attention to something going on around you. Focus on who you’re with and what they’re saying. They’ll notice you’re paying attention and reciprocate, which makes the relationship better for both of you.

3. Show you care.

When you’re having these conversations, make sure it’s clear you really care. It’s easy to pretend to listen and nod in the right places, but relationships based on a connection like this will feel hollow and fake. Make sure you’re invested in the person’s life. They’ll be able to tell that you actually care, and you’ll feel more invested and more loving towards them as well.

Advertising

4. Learn from your problems.

Don’t let a disagreement in a relationship progress into a destructive argument. If you allow your emotions to run wild and let an argument blow up, it could end a relationship. Instead, keep your head level and talk it out so there’s a logical compromise and all parties involved want to continue on with the relationship.

5. Be open to different views of love.

Your partner might show love by doing small chores around the house for you, while you might wish they made grand gestures. Don’t scold them for not showing love the way you want them to show love. Be open to different displays of love. Finding love in smaller gestures will help you see warmth and happiness in more things in life. In no time, you’ll find that you show your love in a variety of ways, too.

Advertising

6. Give love.

Don’t expect to receive love from everyone if you’re not giving it out in equal measures. The more you show love and kindness to people around you—friends, family, partners, co-workers, even strangers in public—the more love and happiness you’ll get back in return.

7. Pay attention to others’ needs.

If you expect others to do everything for you, you’ll never feel any love. It’s important to sometimes forget about getting your needs met and see what people around you may need. Be kind and charitable to others, and you’ll get it back when you need it most.

Advertising

love3

    8. Change your beliefs about love and the world.

    Don’t have a closed mind when it comes to love and the world. If you’re closed off, it will be harder for love to find you. Keep an open mind and an open heart. Love people regardless of what they do or how they look. Holding back love isn’t going to make anyone change for the better; it will just change you for the worse by making you come off as selfish and stingy.

    9. Be thankful for those around you.

    Once you change your beliefs about love and the world, you’ll discover how easy it is to be thankful for those around you. Everyone you encounter in your everyday life is impacting you in some way, and you should be thankful for them. Appreciate all your co-workers do for you on the job, what your family does at home, what your friends do to make you smile.

    10. Love unconditionally.

    Don’t love someone just because they’re doing well in school, or putting in long hours at work. Don’t use love as a reward, and don’t take it away as punishment. Love your family and friends the same when they’re having a good day as when they’re having a bad day. If you love unconditionally, you’ll get that love in return and realize how much you really need it.

    More by this author

    10 Incredible Benefits of Cuddling That Make You Want to Cuddle Now 16 Productivity Secrets of Highly Successful People Revealed Why You Should Keep A Journal And How To Get Started 15 Differences Between the Boy you Date and the Man you Marry 10 Signs That You’re Ready For Marriage

    Trending in Communication

    1 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way 2 How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good 3 15 Simple Things You Can Do to Boost Your Daily Motivation 4 How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often 5 Feeling Super Stressed? Do This Daily Routine Every Day

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on September 18, 2020

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

    “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

    Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

    You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

    Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

    1. Take a step back and evaluate

    When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

    1. What is the problem?
    2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
    3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
    4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
    5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

    Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

    Advertising

    2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

    If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

    At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

    Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

    3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

    Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

    4. Process your thoughts/emotions

    Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

    1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
    2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
    3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
    4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

    5. Acknowledge your thoughts

    Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

    By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

    Advertising

    Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

    6. Give yourself a break

    If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

    7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

    A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

    Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

    After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

    8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

    As Helen Keller once said,

    “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

    Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

    9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

    In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

    1. What’s the situation?
    2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
    3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
    4. Take action on your next steps!

    After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

    10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

    A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

    Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

    For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

    11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

    No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

    Advertising

    12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

    No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

    13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

    There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

    After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

    Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

    Read Next