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9 Things You Need to Stop Expecting from Others

9 Things You Need to Stop Expecting from Others

Life is full of experiences and trials that you never saw coming. Sometimes what we expect to happen and the reality of the situation are 2 very different things. Expectations are nice to have. They give you goals, purpose, joy and even something to look forward to, but you have to understand that life happens: you’re not always in control.

Some expectations are good to have and some are unhealthy. Here’s a list of expectations that if you have, you need to change. By changing certain expectations in your life, you are opening yourself up to new experiences, new ways of thinking and even a greater sense of accomplishment that you otherwise could not have received.

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Stop Expecting People to be Perfect:

If you have this mindset, you will always be disappointed. People will never live up to your expectations. There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations for people, but understand that when they fail, and they will, they still tried. Be understanding and don’t expect perfection.

Stop Expecting the Worst from People:

On the flip side, if you’re always expecting people to fail, you’re not giving them the chance to succeed. Encourage those around you. Help them, teach them. That’s how they will grow and be able to accomplish hard things.

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Stop Expecting People to Pay for You:

Your finances are your responsibility. You shouldn’t expect people to pay for your entertainment, your bills or even your groceries. Get in control of your money. Once you have a budget, stick to it. Just because all your friends go out to lunch doesn’t mean you have to. There are differences between needs and wants—if you want something, save up for it; don’t expect your friends or family to pitch in and get it for you.

Stop Expecting Things to Always Go Wrong:

Whatever streak of bad luck you may think you’ve been having, you shouldn’t come to expect that out of everything. Learn to stay positive. If you look for the good in things you will find them, and it’s the same with bad things. If your whole focus is on situations never turning out how you want them to, they never will.

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Stop Expecting Fairness in Everything:

Life isn’t always fair. Sometimes you don’t get the recognition or reward for your hard work; that’s just how it is. Learn to be ok with giving something your all and not expecting anything in return.

Stop Expecting Things to be Easy:

If you only ever do the simplest things, you’ll never do anything great. Life is hard. Trials will come your way that you don’t feel prepared for. But know that you can stay strong and do hard things. Anything worth achieving in life requires hard work, diligence and self-discipline. If you only strive for mediocrity, that’s all you’ll ever be.

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Stop Expecting Something for Nothing:

If you don’t put any effort into accomplishing something you want, you’re not going to get the results you desire. If you want to lose weight, you have to make changes by eating healthy and exercising. You can’t eat what you want, when you want and still expect to look amazing. If you want something, then work your hardest to achieve it.

Stop Expecting People to Change:

People are habitual. We like things to be constant. It’s comfortable. We can change, but it takes time. If you desire someone else to change, you need to start with yourself. You don’t have the power to change anyone other than yourself, and once you realize that, your life will be a lot happier.

Stop Expecting People to Drop Everything for You:

You’re not the only one who has bad days. Friends and family members should be someone you can count on to help you when life gets hard, but don’t abuse these relationships. Learn to take care of yourself. Being independent is healthy. You shouldn’t have to insist that you do everything on your own, but you don’t want to keep putting your friends and family members in a position that causes them to miss out on important events in their lives because they are helping you.

Having expectations is about finding balance in life. You have to know when you’re asking too much and when you can ask for more. It can be hard but we all need to let go of our unrealistic expectations and learn to live a healthier, happier life.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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