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8 Signs It Is Time To Let Go

8 Signs It Is Time To Let Go

Letting go. What does that really mean? Does it mean that you lose something? Or gain something? Perhaps a little bit of both. There are probably many things (and people) in your life you should probably let go. It could be difficult people, your past, your stagnant job, your adult children, or your unrealized expectations for your life. But how do you know when – or if – the time is right? Here are eight things to remember when you think you might need to let go:

1. A person’s words and actions don’t match

So you thought you met the perfect romantic partner or the perfect friend. He or she might have “appeared” to be perfect for quite some time. But then somewhere along the way, you noticed his or her “perfect” facade was crumbling. He or she says one thing, but does something else. You can’t count on him or her. He or she exhausts and frustrates you. And he or she eventually becomes an “Energy Vampire” who sucks the life out of you. If this has happened to you with any people in your life, then it might be time to let them go.

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2. Someone always expects you to be someone you are not

Maybe your friend always wants you to go out and party with him or her, but you are more of a homebody. And if you are always doing what they want you to do, then you are repressing who you really are. Or maybe the guy you are dating expects you to be a stay-at-home mom if you get married, but you are more of a career woman. If you try to become something just because other people want you to live up to their expectations, then you won’t be happy. Stay true to yourself. Have conversations with them about it, but if you can’t come to a mutually satisfying agreement, then it could be time to let go.

3. You always feel like a victim

People who have a “victim-mentality” think life happens to them and they don’t have any personal power to change things. This could not be farther from the truth. There is always something you can do to make your life better – you just have to believe it. Even if it’s changing your viewpoint about the situation, that will change how you feel. But if you are in a situation or a relationship in which you are always feeling like a victim, then you are not in a supportive environment. And it might be time to let go.

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4. You are stuck too firmly in your comfort zone

Not everyone is an adrenaline-junkie. In fact, many people prefer to stay safe and sound in their comfort zone. It’s familiar, easy and doesn’t take much effort. But staying in your comfort zone leads to stagnation. Just like a pond that doesn’t move and grows algae because of it, so does your life. So if you see metaphorical algae growing in your life, then it might be time to move on. There is no growth in stagnation.

5. You constantly judge yourself or others for what happened in the past

You might be in a relationship or a situation in which one or more people wronged the other. If you keep holding on to resentment because of it, you are staying in a toxic environment. First, try to remove the resentment and judgement. But if you can’t seem to find a way to do that, then maybe it’s best to remove yourself from the situation altogether.

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6. You are not growing and changing for the better

This is similar to #4 and #5, but slightly different. If you pair up your comfort zone (habit) with a toxic situation, then you are not growing and changing for the better. The only thing worse than being stagnant is moving backwards and becoming a worse person. If you have turned into a person even you don’t like, then get out. Find a relationship or situation that brings out the best in you… not the worst in you.

7. You don’t like any current situation

There are many people who are literally addicted to their pain. It’s almost like it has become their identity and they would be lost without it. But that is no way to live. Life is meant to be happy. So if you’re not enjoying your current situation, then it is alright to let go! It’s okay to leave. Really, it is. You don’t have to stay for any reason (unless you are a parent, because then you need to stay for your child). But most other scenarios in life are optional.

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8. You are carrying around resentment

Carrying around resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. In other words, we think that not forgiving someone is going to “teach them a lesson.” So people hang on to their anger in hopes that other people will apologize and change their ways. But many times, the person who wronged you doesn’t even know you’re carrying around resentment. Or if they do, they may not care. So the only person you are really hurting is yourself. So it’s time to let go not only of the resentment, but the person or situation as well.

Letting go isn’t easy, but if you want to be happy, sometimes it’s necessary. So do yourself a favor – love yourself enough to let go. You will be better because of it.

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is a communication professor, dating/relationship and success coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

Learn the Different Types of Love (and Better Understand Your Partner) How to Become a Motivational Speaker and Influence Millions of People Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast Are You In a Verbally Abusive Relationship? (And What to Do About It) 25 Pieces of Empowering Relationship Advice for Women

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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