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8 Signs It Is Time To Let Go

8 Signs It Is Time To Let Go

Letting go. What does that really mean? Does it mean that you lose something? Or gain something? Perhaps a little bit of both. There are probably many things (and people) in your life you should probably let go. It could be difficult people, your past, your stagnant job, your adult children, or your unrealized expectations for your life. But how do you know when – or if – the time is right? Here are eight things to remember when you think you might need to let go:

1. A person’s words and actions don’t match

So you thought you met the perfect romantic partner or the perfect friend. He or she might have “appeared” to be perfect for quite some time. But then somewhere along the way, you noticed his or her “perfect” facade was crumbling. He or she says one thing, but does something else. You can’t count on him or her. He or she exhausts and frustrates you. And he or she eventually becomes an “Energy Vampire” who sucks the life out of you. If this has happened to you with any people in your life, then it might be time to let them go.

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2. Someone always expects you to be someone you are not

Maybe your friend always wants you to go out and party with him or her, but you are more of a homebody. And if you are always doing what they want you to do, then you are repressing who you really are. Or maybe the guy you are dating expects you to be a stay-at-home mom if you get married, but you are more of a career woman. If you try to become something just because other people want you to live up to their expectations, then you won’t be happy. Stay true to yourself. Have conversations with them about it, but if you can’t come to a mutually satisfying agreement, then it could be time to let go.

3. You always feel like a victim

People who have a “victim-mentality” think life happens to them and they don’t have any personal power to change things. This could not be farther from the truth. There is always something you can do to make your life better – you just have to believe it. Even if it’s changing your viewpoint about the situation, that will change how you feel. But if you are in a situation or a relationship in which you are always feeling like a victim, then you are not in a supportive environment. And it might be time to let go.

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4. You are stuck too firmly in your comfort zone

Not everyone is an adrenaline-junkie. In fact, many people prefer to stay safe and sound in their comfort zone. It’s familiar, easy and doesn’t take much effort. But staying in your comfort zone leads to stagnation. Just like a pond that doesn’t move and grows algae because of it, so does your life. So if you see metaphorical algae growing in your life, then it might be time to move on. There is no growth in stagnation.

5. You constantly judge yourself or others for what happened in the past

You might be in a relationship or a situation in which one or more people wronged the other. If you keep holding on to resentment because of it, you are staying in a toxic environment. First, try to remove the resentment and judgement. But if you can’t seem to find a way to do that, then maybe it’s best to remove yourself from the situation altogether.

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6. You are not growing and changing for the better

This is similar to #4 and #5, but slightly different. If you pair up your comfort zone (habit) with a toxic situation, then you are not growing and changing for the better. The only thing worse than being stagnant is moving backwards and becoming a worse person. If you have turned into a person even you don’t like, then get out. Find a relationship or situation that brings out the best in you… not the worst in you.

7. You don’t like any current situation

There are many people who are literally addicted to their pain. It’s almost like it has become their identity and they would be lost without it. But that is no way to live. Life is meant to be happy. So if you’re not enjoying your current situation, then it is alright to let go! It’s okay to leave. Really, it is. You don’t have to stay for any reason (unless you are a parent, because then you need to stay for your child). But most other scenarios in life are optional.

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8. You are carrying around resentment

Carrying around resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. In other words, we think that not forgiving someone is going to “teach them a lesson.” So people hang on to their anger in hopes that other people will apologize and change their ways. But many times, the person who wronged you doesn’t even know you’re carrying around resentment. Or if they do, they may not care. So the only person you are really hurting is yourself. So it’s time to let go not only of the resentment, but the person or situation as well.

Letting go isn’t easy, but if you want to be happy, sometimes it’s necessary. So do yourself a favor – love yourself enough to let go. You will be better because of it.

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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