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8 Signs It Is Time To Let Go

8 Signs It Is Time To Let Go

Letting go. What does that really mean? Does it mean that you lose something? Or gain something? Perhaps a little bit of both. There are probably many things (and people) in your life you should probably let go. It could be difficult people, your past, your stagnant job, your adult children, or your unrealized expectations for your life. But how do you know when – or if – the time is right? Here are eight things to remember when you think you might need to let go:

1. A person’s words and actions don’t match

So you thought you met the perfect romantic partner or the perfect friend. He or she might have “appeared” to be perfect for quite some time. But then somewhere along the way, you noticed his or her “perfect” facade was crumbling. He or she says one thing, but does something else. You can’t count on him or her. He or she exhausts and frustrates you. And he or she eventually becomes an “Energy Vampire” who sucks the life out of you. If this has happened to you with any people in your life, then it might be time to let them go.

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2. Someone always expects you to be someone you are not

Maybe your friend always wants you to go out and party with him or her, but you are more of a homebody. And if you are always doing what they want you to do, then you are repressing who you really are. Or maybe the guy you are dating expects you to be a stay-at-home mom if you get married, but you are more of a career woman. If you try to become something just because other people want you to live up to their expectations, then you won’t be happy. Stay true to yourself. Have conversations with them about it, but if you can’t come to a mutually satisfying agreement, then it could be time to let go.

3. You always feel like a victim

People who have a “victim-mentality” think life happens to them and they don’t have any personal power to change things. This could not be farther from the truth. There is always something you can do to make your life better – you just have to believe it. Even if it’s changing your viewpoint about the situation, that will change how you feel. But if you are in a situation or a relationship in which you are always feeling like a victim, then you are not in a supportive environment. And it might be time to let go.

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4. You are stuck too firmly in your comfort zone

Not everyone is an adrenaline-junkie. In fact, many people prefer to stay safe and sound in their comfort zone. It’s familiar, easy and doesn’t take much effort. But staying in your comfort zone leads to stagnation. Just like a pond that doesn’t move and grows algae because of it, so does your life. So if you see metaphorical algae growing in your life, then it might be time to move on. There is no growth in stagnation.

5. You constantly judge yourself or others for what happened in the past

You might be in a relationship or a situation in which one or more people wronged the other. If you keep holding on to resentment because of it, you are staying in a toxic environment. First, try to remove the resentment and judgement. But if you can’t seem to find a way to do that, then maybe it’s best to remove yourself from the situation altogether.

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6. You are not growing and changing for the better

This is similar to #4 and #5, but slightly different. If you pair up your comfort zone (habit) with a toxic situation, then you are not growing and changing for the better. The only thing worse than being stagnant is moving backwards and becoming a worse person. If you have turned into a person even you don’t like, then get out. Find a relationship or situation that brings out the best in you… not the worst in you.

7. You don’t like any current situation

There are many people who are literally addicted to their pain. It’s almost like it has become their identity and they would be lost without it. But that is no way to live. Life is meant to be happy. So if you’re not enjoying your current situation, then it is alright to let go! It’s okay to leave. Really, it is. You don’t have to stay for any reason (unless you are a parent, because then you need to stay for your child). But most other scenarios in life are optional.

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8. You are carrying around resentment

Carrying around resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. In other words, we think that not forgiving someone is going to “teach them a lesson.” So people hang on to their anger in hopes that other people will apologize and change their ways. But many times, the person who wronged you doesn’t even know you’re carrying around resentment. Or if they do, they may not care. So the only person you are really hurting is yourself. So it’s time to let go not only of the resentment, but the person or situation as well.

Letting go isn’t easy, but if you want to be happy, sometimes it’s necessary. So do yourself a favor – love yourself enough to let go. You will be better because of it.

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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