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8 Reasons You Don’t Have To Read Relationship Advice

8 Reasons You Don’t Have To Read Relationship Advice

“And Who are you to tell me what to do with my relationship?”

If you’re reading this post right now, you’ve probably mumbled that question when you saw the latest relationship advice post on Facebook. But you read it anyway, by fear of missing out on potentially great advice only to realise it wasn’t that great.

Well, here are 9 reasons why next time you should feel comfortable with not clicking. You won’t miss that much, I promise.

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1. It Might Actually Be Aimed At One Person

The same way an artist can a write a song for everyone by talking to one person, relationship advice may be visible to all, but aimed at one person. The author could be trying to get back at someone who offended them, and by taking their advice you could get caught in the crossfire. So the next time you see someone declaring the obvious truth about relationships, think about who might have hurt them earlier and if their message is really aimed at everybody.

2. Good Intentions Are Not Always Effective

“Maybe I should not have said I love you so much”. “Maybe I should not have asked about his ex.”

When we face difficulties in our relationships, it is tempting to believe that alternative options would have worked. But until those maybes have been tested, there is no proof that they will work.

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Which is why regardless of the author’s good intentions, you may not want to make your relationship a lab rat to their maybes.

3. Maggots Don’t Give Flying Lessons (It’s A Butterfly’s Job)

It takes a fair amount of time to properly study why a relationship failed. The same goes with functioning relationships: The author might think he’s enabled to give advice because he was happy in his relationship for a month. But so were many others before it failed in month two. Sometimes the writer giving you advice may not have had enough time for introspection, or to link the right causes to their effects. This could make their advice potentially devastating if taken seriously.

Look at it this way: Would you rather take flying lessons from a maggot or a butterfly?

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4. Birds Of The Same Feather May Sing Differently

A hurting person may develop bias against certain types of people. Although your partner may resemble the writer’s offender, they are still individuals with different influences and different life experiences. Would it make sense to kill every bird because one of them dropped a ‘gift’ on your shirt? No.

Why would you then apply one advice to every Mary or every Robert?

5. Misery Loves Company

It’s usually not out of wickedness, but out of fear of loneliness that people will invite you to share in their misery. If you’re unlucky that misery has just hit a prolific author, guess who it could hit next?

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6. Our Hearts Talk Different Languages

What an act of kindness will do to one heart, expensive gifts will do to another. Treating advice from one type of lover as gospel truth can be ineffective.

7. The Best Advice Now May Only Apply To You Tomorrow

Married couples rarely approach relationships the way singles do, and one week relationships rarely resemble one year relationships. Applying the best advice at the wrong stage of a relationship won’t serve you much.

8. Cultural Differences Matter

When we say love is a universal language, we mean the heartbeat part of it. As for the mechanics of a relationship, they tend to change with cultures. Which is normal. The next time you see relationship advice online, make sure they apply to your cultural circumstances, or you would be giving your partner a steep hill to climb. Wouldn’t be very fair, would it?

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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