“And Who are you to tell me what to do with my relationship?”
If you’re reading this post right now, you’ve probably mumbled that question when you saw the latest relationship advice post on Facebook. But you read it anyway, by fear of missing out on potentially great advice only to realise it wasn’t that great.
Well, here are 9 reasons why next time you should feel comfortable with not clicking. You won’t miss that much, I promise.
1. It Might Actually Be Aimed At One Person
The same way an artist can a write a song for everyone by talking to one person, relationship advice may be visible to all, but aimed at one person. The author could be trying to get back at someone who offended them, and by taking their advice you could get caught in the crossfire. So the next time you see someone declaring the obvious truth about relationships, think about who might have hurt them earlier and if their message is really aimed at everybody.
2. Good Intentions Are Not Always Effective
“Maybe I should not have said I love you so much”. “Maybe I should not have asked about his ex.”
When we face difficulties in our relationships, it is tempting to believe that alternative options would have worked. But until those maybes have been tested, there is no proof that they will work.
Which is why regardless of the author’s good intentions, you may not want to make your relationship a lab rat to their maybes.
3. Maggots Don’t Give Flying Lessons (It’s A Butterfly’s Job)
It takes a fair amount of time to properly study why a relationship failed. The same goes with functioning relationships: The author might think he’s enabled to give advice because he was happy in his relationship for a month. But so were many others before it failed in month two. Sometimes the writer giving you advice may not have had enough time for introspection, or to link the right causes to their effects. This could make their advice potentially devastating if taken seriously.
Look at it this way: Would you rather take flying lessons from a maggot or a butterfly?
4. Birds Of The Same Feather May Sing Differently
A hurting person may develop bias against certain types of people. Although your partner may resemble the writer’s offender, they are still individuals with different influences and different life experiences. Would it make sense to kill every bird because one of them dropped a ‘gift’ on your shirt? No.
Why would you then apply one advice to every Mary or every Robert?
5. Misery Loves Company
It’s usually not out of wickedness, but out of fear of loneliness that people will invite you to share in their misery. If you’re unlucky that misery has just hit a prolific author, guess who it could hit next?
6. Our Hearts Talk Different Languages
What an act of kindness will do to one heart, expensive gifts will do to another. Treating advice from one type of lover as gospel truth can be ineffective.
7. The Best Advice Now May Only Apply To You Tomorrow
Married couples rarely approach relationships the way singles do, and one week relationships rarely resemble one year relationships. Applying the best advice at the wrong stage of a relationship won’t serve you much.
8. Cultural Differences Matter
When we say love is a universal language, we mean the heartbeat part of it. As for the mechanics of a relationship, they tend to change with cultures. Which is normal. The next time you see relationship advice online, make sure they apply to your cultural circumstances, or you would be giving your partner a steep hill to climb. Wouldn’t be very fair, would it?