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8 Key Ingredients for a New Successful Relationship

8 Key Ingredients for a New Successful Relationship

Every relationship has a beginning. And it’s in that time that you set the mood for the rest of the relationship. I’m not talking about the first date, or even the third or fifth. I’m talking about once you are in steady relationship with someone you want a future with. This time is crucial to the health of your relationship. This is when you are really getting to know each other and it’s fun and exciting.

If you are both dedicated to making this relationship last, here are 8 great tips to make sure you’re both on the same page and that you are both striving for a successful relationship.

1. Clarify Expectations

Be upfront with each other about what you want out of the relationship. If you expect something but never tell the other person, don’t be surprised when your expectations are never met. Unmet expectations become a point of contention in many relationships. Just be open and honest with each other from the start.

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2. Work Towards a Common Goal

No matter how much you like someone or how much fun you have when you’re with them, if you aren’t working towards a common goal together, the relationship will fail. What do you want this relationship to mean? What do you want it to accomplish? These are important questions that need to be asked. Don’t assume the other person can read your mind. Talk to them.  

3. Forgive Each Other

Forgive and embrace lessons and experiences from each other’s past. We all come with baggage. Learn to forgive each other and yourself for mistakes made in the past or present. This also means that your learn from your mistakes and try not to do them again. As you both grow and make changes for the better together, you will strengthen your relationship.

4. Live in the Moment

Life is happening right now. Make memories together every day. The beginning of a relationship sets the mood for what the relationship will be like in the future. Set high standards for your relationship. When my husband and I first started dating we both expressed the importance of being healthy and active. So, we went out and did things every weekend. We would go jeeping, hiking, swimming, snow shoeing, we even spontaneously joined a polar bear plunge for charity. (That’s when you pay money to jump into a lake that was literally frozen over that morning. Yeah, it was cold, but it’s an awesome memory that we have and love to look back on.) Make sure you are having special experiences together.

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5. Take an Interest in Each Other’s Hobbies

I love to dance and my husband loves fish. My husband is not a dancer and fish scare me. But we have compromised. My husband takes me dancing on some of our date nights and he puts forth an effort to learn. I let him have fish tanks as long as he cleans them and never own an eel. (Those things freak me out!) I also talk to him about his fish and, honestly, I have learned a lot!

It can be fun to take an interest in each other’s hobbies because you get to learn something new and you get to make your partner happy.

6. Prepare for the Future

I know so many couples that look at dating as play time. They spend money like crazy and when they decide to get married, they are already in debt. While dating is a fun time, you still need to be responsible and try to plan for your future. Don’t get in the habit of spending money you don’t have. Stay out of debt.

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7. Pace Yourselves

The same pace doesn’t work for every couple. Some people need a lot of time; others, not so much. My husband and I started dating, eight weeks later we were engaged, four months later we were married. At our one-year anniversary I was six-months pregnant with our first child. We moved a lot faster than most people, but it was right for us. We talked and we were both OK with the pace we had set. Five years later, we’re still going strong and neither one of us regrets anything. (I should probably point out that we had known each other for just over a year before we started dating.)

If you’re uncomfortable with how quickly or slowly things are moving along, say something.

8. Learn to Communicate

Always talk with each other. In a healthy relationship you should be able to talk to each other about anything. Before going into a relationship you have to understand that there will be hard conversations. There will times when you don’t agree with each other. But always make sure that you are there to listen to one another.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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