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7 Ways To Make Dating Less Stressful And Find A Happy Relationship

7 Ways To Make Dating Less Stressful And Find A Happy Relationship

Dating can be stressful. Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or spending time trying to find the person of your dreams, it can be overwhelming and can result in a less than stellar experience. When dating becomes difficult, it is easy to settle to get out of the dating meat market. Don’t fall into the trap! Here are seven ways to make dating less stressful and find a happy relationship.

Meet more people.

Be open to meeting people every day. You don’t have to be a serial dater to meet people. Rather find people at work, at the gym, the grocery. Why is this important? We put too much pressure on making dates perfect in part because we don’t want to lose the opportunity. Get rid of the scarcity mindset regarding meeting the right person! Lower expectations and just have fun. When you’re meeting people everyday, you’ll know there are plenty of options and be less likely to settle.

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Meet the right people.

There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Sound advice, perhaps, but it happens to miss the point. You aren’t looking for more, more the right. There’s really two ways to help ensure you find the right person. The first, and most obvious, is to meet people who have similar interests, who share friends with you, and who you have a great chance of being compatible with. This challenging task has become slightly easier with the popularization of online dating, allowing to get to know someone without all the pressure. The other, less thought about reason to meet the right people? Lose the wrong ones quickly. Understand what you’re looking for and don’t settle for less.

Shrug off rejection.

Rejection hurts. But how much it hurts depends on you! Don’t dwell on bad experiences. Learn from them. Keep your expectations in check and understand most dates aren’t going to turn into a relationship. Rejection doesn’t mean you are not good enough. When you have the right mindset, you’ll be less stressed, be able to shrug off rejections, and find a happy relationship that actually works.

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Find yourself first.

Start with yourself first. Know what you’re looking for, what you enjoy, and how you want to be treated. Too many people spend most of the dating process trying to impress someone into liking them. Don’t fall into that trap. Be yourself, do what you like, and see where the chips fall. You don’t need someone else to complete you. Understand this and make sure he or she complements you rather than complete you.

Keep it simple.

Dating can seem overwhelming. Keep it simple. Start slow. Grabbing a cup of coffee or meeting at an event you’re both attending can be an easy way to test the waters. Don’t buy into the hype of dating games. Be open. Be honest. And move at the speed you’re comfortable going. You’ll find the process can be much less stressful when you keep it simple.

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Be yourself.

Trying to keep up an image that’s not natural can be terribly stressful, plus makes for a forced relationship even if it does work. Being true to yourself will make dating less stressful and more fun. You’ll also find you have a better chance for a happy relationship once you get past the honeymoon stage. It’s easy to overlook flaws in the beginning, but if you stay true to yourself, you’ll have a successful, happy relationship.

Make dates fun.

Dating should be fun! Don’t take it so seriously. Don’t focus solely on the romance. Focus on finding something you both love doing and have fun. If you both love nature, take a walk in the local park. If you’re sports nuts, check out a local sporting event. Find dates that let you be yourself, and most importantly, get to know your date. Don’t fall into the trap of doing a movie and dinner, think outside the box and have some fun. You’ll have a much less stressful and fun experience.

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Featured photo credit: Cekna via flickr.com

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Kyle Robbins

Kyle is the founder of Branding Beard. He writes about communication tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

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Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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