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7 Powerful Life Lessons We Can Learn From The Writer Who Died Young – Marina Keegan

7 Powerful Life Lessons We Can Learn From The Writer Who Died Young – Marina Keegan

Untimely death is always tragic. When the promise of tomorrow is cut short, the one who passes away leaves their loved ones to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts and try to carry on with life. While this may be a major fear of just about everyone on the planet, there are powerful lessons that can be learned when it happens.

Here is one example.

Her name was Marina Keegan

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She was an aspiring writer who might have been able to be compared to someone like Maya Angelou one day. But Marina was killed in a car accident only 5 days after she graduated from Yale University. Words from her final essay in the Yale Daily News went viral after her untimely death:

“We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want it life.”

What Marina accomplished in her short life is beyond extraordinary. She was going to begin an internship at The New Yorker and have a play of hers produced at an international film festival. She won numerous awards and critical acclaim. Her book The Opposite of Loneliness was published on April 8, 2014, almost two years after her death over Memorial day weekend 2012. And this is just a small snapshot into the amazing life of Marina Keegan.

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But as tragic as her story is, sometimes human beings learn the most during their darkest hours. So we all can learn from her life and death and carry these 7 lessons with us:

1. Don’t take anything or anyone for granted.

Why is it that people always assume that they have another tomorrow? And why do people sometimes treat their ones with such disrespect? It’s because they take life and people for granted. Yes, it’s easy to do. And yes, we all do it from time to time. But anyone who has every lost a loved one knows that every single day and every single person is precious. So remember that every day – not just when a tragedy happens.

2. You never know when it’s going to be your last day on earth.

We should appreciate and give thanks for every day we have here. Just because you are a young, beautiful, vibrant, ambitious, amazing 22 year old woman like Marina Keegan, that doesn’t make you immune to the fact that your life could be over at any minute. Not that I think you should live in fear, but if you gently remind yourself of that fact every day, then you will appreciate life and your loved ones much more.

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3. Appreciate every breath you take.

Breathing is so easy – except if you have asthma, COPD, emphysema, or some other respiratory ailment. But I’m not talking quite as literally about breathing. However, until you have not been able to breathe, you don’t know what it feels like. Appreciate every breath, every heartbeat, every smile, every day you can walk, and every day you go without pain. Appreciate your health. Appreciate this day. Appreciate everything.

4. Figure out your passion and follow it – don’t wait.

Marina was following her passion. She was a writer and destined for greatness. Let her life be a shining example of what you should become. And don’t worry – it’s never too late. Just because you’re not 22 anymore doesn’t mean that your ship has sailed. Find the courage to do what you love. If you don’t do it now, then you might not ever get the chance. Just like Marina.

5. Remember that loneliness and being alone are two different things.

While I haven’t read her book, I do think her concept of loneliness is an important one for us all to ponder. There are way too many lonely people in the world. But with that said, I think we first need to become our own best friend. For example, one of my friends always says, “I’m the best company I can be with!” And no – he is not egotistical at all. He is the opposite. He just has good self-esteem and genuinely likes himself. So he will never be lonely, even if he is alone.

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6. You impact people more than you think you do.

I bet Marina Keegan had no idea how much her life meant. She probably just thought she was a normal 22 year old who went to college and was following her dreams. But not only has her death impacted millions (myself included because am I writing an article about her now), but her life impacted so many other people as well. So while you might not think that you matter, you do. You matter. People are watching you. So make your message to the world a positive one.

7. You can always leave a legacy – age doesn’t matter.

You don’t have to live to the ripe old age of 90 or 100 to leave your mark on the world. I sure hope I do live that long, but it doesn’t matter how old it is when you die. If you live your life right, follow your passion, be a good, kind, genuine person, then that is all you need to do. Your positive example is enough to leave your footprint on earth after you are gone.

Thank you, Marina, for a life well lived. You did more in your 22 years than most people do in an entire lifetime. Your life mattered. And it’s because of you that we all reframe our own lives and appreciate it infinitely more. We salute and honor you. Your life serves as a model for the rest of us. And that is the ultimate compliment.

RIP, Ms. Keegan.

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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