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7 Important Lessons We Learned Outside of School

7 Important Lessons We Learned Outside of School

In the Western world, there tends to be fixed and regimented ideas concerning what should be included in the national curriculum. It is only recently that these tried and tested educational subjects have been challenged, however, as both the British, American, and Australian governments look to introduce a mandatory program of financial literacy for high school students.

Given the pace of technological, scientific and social advancement, it makes sense that each country’s curriculum should change to meet the evolving needs of its subjects. This is the approach adopted by educational authorities in Hong Kong, for example, who have been teaching the principles of morality to students for more than a decade.

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Morality is typically a lesson taught outside of the classroom, with parents and guardians setting the example for children to follow in their formative years. This is just one of many topics that can be taught through life experience and the example of others, and which form the basis of our outlook and philosophy as we approach adulthood. Consider the following:

1. How to consider and care for others

Learning how to consider and care for others is one of the most important life lessons you can learn, as it enables you to enjoy satisfying and mutually beneficial friendships as you grow older. Without this, you will be perceived as selfish by your peers and ultimately fail to develop relationships, whether romantic or platonic. This is a lesson that is usually learned within individual social circles, as those who fail to consider the needs of their friends will ultimately become ostracized from the group.

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2. The art of compassion

On a similar note, it is also important to develop empathy and compassion for your fellow person. This applies to both friends and strangers, as a compassionate outlook enables you to become an excellent friend, boss, and mentor to the people who you come into contact with. This is usually learned through harsh or challenging life experiences which force us to understand the nature of emotional distress and how it impacts our philosophy and behavior. Without compassion, it is extremely difficult to evolve as a person and engage in positive adult relationships.

3. How to maintain successful relationships

Learning about compassion and understanding will undoubtedly help you to enjoy more successful relationships, although this also depends on alternative aspects of the human psyche. Developing the skills to cultivate positive relationships is a life-long pursuit, and you must remain open-minded when learning how to deal with others and adapting to accommodate their needs. Over time, your communication skills will evolve as you interact with a growing number of people from different social circles.

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4. Life is not always happy or positive

Even with the best of intentions, our personal and professional relationships can easily turn sour. The same principle can also be applied to life as a whole, as it is an unpredictable entity that is capable of delighting and disappointing in equal measure, This is a lesson that can be exceptionally hard to learn, although it is vital in terms of teaching you to manage your expectations and resolve the problems that complicate your life.

5. Perseverance is the key to a content life

Whether you are experiencing problems in your relationship, or struggling to fulfill expectations at work, perseverance remains the key to unlocking a happy and content life. It is crucial that you are proactive in appraising your problems and attempt to work through them diligently, even if this involves confronting difficult or emotive feelings. While it may be tempting to bury your head in the sand when confronted with a serious issue, life soon teaches you that this will only exacerbate your problems over time.

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    6. When to challenge authority

    There is an old adage which suggests that you should “pick your battles” in life, and this means that you must be careful and exercise discretion when challenging authority. The issue with this is that we tend to be more fearless in our youth, and will challenge anything that we deem to be unfair or contradictory to our unique sense of justice. As you grow older, you must learn from experience and consider a dispute from all possible angles before deciding to confront your boss or superior.

    7. The importance of future planning

    With the former point in mind, it is clear that the impulsiveness of youth can often deliver important life lessons for the future. One of these is the importance of forward planning, which can include everything from investing in real estate, to ensuring that you make regular contributions to a private pension plan. While such considerations are unlikely to play on your mind when you are young, it is important that you make formative plans for securing your long-term future while you still have the opportunity to influence it.

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    Last Updated on September 18, 2020

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

    “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

    Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

    You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

    Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

    1. Take a step back and evaluate

    When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

    1. What is the problem?
    2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
    3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
    4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
    5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

    Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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    2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

    If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

    At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

    Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

    3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

    Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

    4. Process your thoughts/emotions

    Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

    1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
    2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
    3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
    4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

    5. Acknowledge your thoughts

    Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

    By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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    Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

    6. Give yourself a break

    If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

    7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

    A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

    Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

    After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

    8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

    As Helen Keller once said,

    “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

    Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

    9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

    In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

    1. What’s the situation?
    2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
    3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
    4. Take action on your next steps!

    After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

    10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

    A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

    Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

    For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

    11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

    No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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    12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

    No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

    13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

    There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

    After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

    Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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