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A 3-Step Process to Overcome Fear

A 3-Step Process to Overcome Fear

Pick the day. Enjoy it – to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come… The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present – and I don’t want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future. ~Audrey Hepburn

Growing up, my culture made me feel that a little worrying was a good thing and that if you are never worried about things, you’re exhibiting a careless and casual attitude.

What I missed in the above theory is the word “little.” As a result, I worried a lot. Was I going to do well in my exams? Do my friends think I am cool to hang out with? Will I get my dream job? Will I be able to achieve my dream income in my business?

Those fears, needless to say, kept me from fully realizing my success in different areas of life.

In my work, I’ve found the fear of failure, fear of the unknown and the fear of not belonging as the three universal fears. I see people every day and at least one of them is stuck due to these three fears.

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If you dig deeper, you’ll realize that the fear of not being loved or the fear of not belonging is the root cause of all superficial fears. Let me explain.

The fear of the unknown is actually the fear of failure in itself. Think about it, what happens when you step into the unknown? You fear that you’ll fail.

For most people, failure is a permanent, impossible-to-turnaround phenomenon. Even a toddler knows that’s not true. Notice how they fall down and keep attempting to walk anyway? Imagine if, as a child, you considered failure permanent—you’d still be unable to walk!

And deep down, you fearing not being loved if you fail. Think about it. You’re afraid that your loved ones will abandon you, that you’ll be rejected and that people who love you will stop doing so.

No matter how much you try, fear will always be there. It is a natural part of being human. Of course, a lot of fears that things may not work out are just baseless. Yet, they can pretty much stall you.

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A Three-Step Process to Overcome Fear

This three-step process is what I learned first hand from fellow-entrepreneurs around me. Feel free to use it to beat your everyday fears and when you fear that things may not work out.

Apply the three steps to a situation in your life when you’re afraid:

Step 1. Write Your Fear Down

As simple as it sounds, writing down your worst fear in this situation will let you externalize it. A lot of times, we worry because we’re so entangled in the problem.

Have you noticed how getting an outside-perspective helps? This is why so many people go for coaching too. Getting someone else’s help allows you to see different perspectives.

By writing your fear down, you’re also fully acknowledging that it exists. This leads to awareness, which is the first step and 95 percent of your journey.

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Step 2. Ask: What’s the Worse that Could Happen?

Now that you’ve documented your fear, you realize it lies outside you, and you have a better grip on it. The next step is to get deeper. Be honest and paint the worst-case scenario. What is the absolute worst outcome that could happen from this situation?

I recall when I was about to speak in front of a audience for the first time. I was nervous and literally hoping that somehow the event would be canceled. I wrote down my fear—”I’ll stuff up”—and asked myself, “OK if I did stuff up completely, in a way I am not able to speak a word at the workshop due to nervousness, what would happen then?”

Soon, I caught how unrealistic this scenario was. Surely, I would babble, mumble, mix up examples, appear unconfident, but wouldn’t completely go quiet, right? So I changed the outcome to a more realistic: “I will appear unconfident.”

There it was. My realistic, worst-case scenario: I would fail to impress my audience by appearing not confident.

Step 3. Ask: Can I Handle It?

This is the last leg of the exercise. Once you acknowledge the worst, you ask yourself if you can handle it. Human beings are incredibly powerful at handling stuff.

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Think about all the people in this world who have handled death, bankruptcy, loss, and separation. Perhaps they never realized they could handle it until the time came. In despair, we find strength from an unknown source within. We’re wired beautifully that way.

For me, I could lose those potential clients at the workshop. So what? I could always take feedback and start over. When I looked at it squarely, it wasn’t that bad. I could handle it.

Answering the last question gave me strength to move ahead. When you get real with yourself, you’ll know that you can handle this OK and soon there will be a time when you’ll wonder what were you so afraid of. I promise.

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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