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20 Wise Tips Every Wedded Couple Needs to Know to Never Lose the Sparkle

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20 Wise Tips Every Wedded Couple Needs to Know to Never Lose the Sparkle

Don’t listen to people who tell you the passion of your relationship will fade over time. It doesn’t have to! You can keep your marriage exciting and special if you follow these wise tips every wedded couple needs to know to never lose the sparkle of romance.

1. Never stop dating.

Who says you have to stop going on dates once you’re married? Don’t let yourself get bogged down in the daily grind. Make time every month to go out to dinner, to the movies, or simply to do something fun outside the house. Make time for each other, to be alone, and to have fun and spend time with just the two of you.

2. Protect your own heart.

Don’t let your partner trample your heart. They might not mean to, but sometimes your spouse may say or do something that hurts your feelings. Take a step back and see that they’re not trying to hurt you, it just happened that way. Don’t get oversensitive about it; protect yourself and talk to them about what happened and how it made you feel.

3. Always see the best in each other.

This is one of the easiest things to do when you’re dating. You think your partner is the best because of this, that, and the other. But once you’re married, you have a commitment hanging over your head, so you tend to judge a little harsher. Try not to do this. Remember who you fell in love with and why, and don’t let any small, annoying habits outweigh the good you know is there.

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4. It’s not your job to fix the other.

You can’t change anyone. They have to want to change, and even then, you shouldn’t expect it to happen. You fell in love with your spouse for a reason. You can’t change them just because you’re married now. Remember the good in them, and trust that if it’s a major issue, they’ll take your concerns into consideration and change themselves.

5. Take full accountability for your emotions.

Fights get emotional, it’s a fact. But if you say something in anger or to hurt your spouse, then take responsibility for it. Don’t let the fight get swept under the rug with those hurtful emotions still hanging there in the balance. Explain why you said what you did, and apologize for it.

6. Give each other space.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to spend all your free time together! Give each other space and time to do things you each enjoy. You’ll have more to talk about when you come back together, and you’ll feel more relaxed because you’re not having to give up your own hobbies for the sake of your spouse!

7. Be willing to share your feelings.

Don’t keep your feelings to yourself, they’ll never get resolved. Make sure your partner knows how you feel about certain issues, and why. You have to be willing and able to talk about everything, or else there will be a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

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8. Never stop growing together.

Your partner is going to change over the years; you are too! You have to grow together, though, or else you’ll grow apart. You need to talk about what you want in your relationship, for your family, and for your own lives and careers to ensure you can grow together and stay together.

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    9. Fight fair.

    Emotions are high when you’re fighting, but don’t start pulling punches you’re going to regret. Never throw something in your spouse’s face that was told to you in confidence. Don’t dig up old secrets just to use as ammunition against them. Fight fair and fight only about the topic at hand, otherwise you’re going to have too much on your plate to deal with, and the fight will never end.

    10. Forgive immediately.

    Even if you don’t really feel it inside, forgive your spouse. Holding a grudge will only make you feel worse, and holding something over your spouse’s head will make them feel like things will never be the same, and you’ll never forget this problem. It doesn’t hurt to forgive immediately—in fact, it can make you feel like you’re really ready to forgive, and that’s just a bonus!

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    11. Let go of past hurt.

    Don’t bring up old hurts and past fights in a current disagreement. You can’t hold grudges about every little thing your partner has done to hurt you—the relationship won’t survive. Once the fight has been fought, forgive, learn your lesson, and forget as best you can.

    12. Learn how to compromise.

    No one can win every fight. And you shouldn’t want to. Compromising is an adult way to solve a problem and allow both partners to win. You have to give a little to get a little!

    13. Respect each other.

    Don’t call each other names. Don’t take jabs at each other’s careers or style or favorite bands. Respect each other fully—and this includes when your spouse isn’t around and you’re gossiping with friends. Think of how you want your spouse to treat you, and do the same for them.

    14. Don’t compare your spouse or relationship.

    Your friend’s husband is not more romantic than yours, and their relationship is not sweeter! Your spouse is perfect for you—that’s why you got married! And your relationship is perfect for the both of you, or at least it’s what you’re working on together. Once you start comparing yourself to others around you, things will unravel. Remember: the grass is always greener on the other side. You might think someone has it better than you, but everyone has their own problems.

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    15. Be patient.

    Don’t expect everything to happen now. You’re married, and you have your whole lives together. That gives you plenty of time to grow together and make the perfect life together. Rushing things could only mean problems down the line.

    16. Don’t expect the other to read your mind.

    You have to talk to your partner. They may not understand why you act a certain way, but if you sit them down and talk about it, they might start to understand. If nothing else, they’ll respect you for talking about it instead of just making them guess.

    17. Talk about your goals.

    The only way to grow together is to talk about your goals together. What do you want for the future? Are you on the same track? You want to make sure you have the same goals in mind for your family, and you want to make sure that one of you isn’t planning a huge career move that would leave the other in the dust! Stay on the same page and talk about your goals often—you can be each other’s cheerleader!

    18. Listen.

    Don’t just talk—listen. It’s important to make sure your partner feels like you’ll hear them out, and not just talk over them. Everyone wants to be understood, and if you quiet down and listen to your spouse, then they’ll give you that same respect.

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    19. Have fun together.

    Don’t let marriage seem too daunting! It’s a commitment, yes, but don’t let it seem too “life or death.” You got married because you love each other and you have fun together—don’t lose that! Have fun when you go on dates together, have fun cleaning the floors together, have fun washing dishes! Just have fun together.

    20. Keep your sense of humor.

    It’s important to always be able to get silly with each other. Being too serious will start to seem suffocating after a while. If you can joke with each other, then you’ll always be able to lighten the mood and diffuse any tension in the relationship.

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    Last Updated on July 20, 2021

    How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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    How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

    You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

    Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

    Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

    Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

    1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

    According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

    “Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

    Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

    Warming up

    If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

    If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

    Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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    1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
    2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
    3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

    Stay hydrated

    Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

    To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

    Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

    Meditate

    Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

    Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

    Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

    Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

    2. Focus on your goal

    One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

    Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

    Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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    Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

    If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

    3. Convert negativity to positivity

    There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

    ‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

    It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

    Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

    Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

    Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

    4. Understand your content

    Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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    However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

    “No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

    Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

    Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

    One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

    5. Practice makes perfect

    Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

    In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

    Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

    6. Be authentic

    There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

    Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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    Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

    To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

    With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

    Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

    7. Post speech evaluation

    Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

    Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

    We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

    You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

    Improve your next speech

    As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

    Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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    • How did I do?
    • Are there any areas for improvement?
    • Did I sound or look stressed?
    • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
    • Was I saying “um” too often?
    • How was the flow of the speech?

    Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

    If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

    Reference

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