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20 Wise Tips Every Wedded Couple Needs to Know to Never Lose the Sparkle

20 Wise Tips Every Wedded Couple Needs to Know to Never Lose the Sparkle

Don’t listen to people who tell you the passion of your relationship will fade over time. It doesn’t have to! You can keep your marriage exciting and special if you follow these wise tips every wedded couple needs to know to never lose the sparkle of romance.

1. Never stop dating.

Who says you have to stop going on dates once you’re married? Don’t let yourself get bogged down in the daily grind. Make time every month to go out to dinner, to the movies, or simply to do something fun outside the house. Make time for each other, to be alone, and to have fun and spend time with just the two of you.

2. Protect your own heart.

Don’t let your partner trample your heart. They might not mean to, but sometimes your spouse may say or do something that hurts your feelings. Take a step back and see that they’re not trying to hurt you, it just happened that way. Don’t get oversensitive about it; protect yourself and talk to them about what happened and how it made you feel.

3. Always see the best in each other.

This is one of the easiest things to do when you’re dating. You think your partner is the best because of this, that, and the other. But once you’re married, you have a commitment hanging over your head, so you tend to judge a little harsher. Try not to do this. Remember who you fell in love with and why, and don’t let any small, annoying habits outweigh the good you know is there.

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4. It’s not your job to fix the other.

You can’t change anyone. They have to want to change, and even then, you shouldn’t expect it to happen. You fell in love with your spouse for a reason. You can’t change them just because you’re married now. Remember the good in them, and trust that if it’s a major issue, they’ll take your concerns into consideration and change themselves.

5. Take full accountability for your emotions.

Fights get emotional, it’s a fact. But if you say something in anger or to hurt your spouse, then take responsibility for it. Don’t let the fight get swept under the rug with those hurtful emotions still hanging there in the balance. Explain why you said what you did, and apologize for it.

6. Give each other space.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to spend all your free time together! Give each other space and time to do things you each enjoy. You’ll have more to talk about when you come back together, and you’ll feel more relaxed because you’re not having to give up your own hobbies for the sake of your spouse!

7. Be willing to share your feelings.

Don’t keep your feelings to yourself, they’ll never get resolved. Make sure your partner knows how you feel about certain issues, and why. You have to be willing and able to talk about everything, or else there will be a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

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8. Never stop growing together.

Your partner is going to change over the years; you are too! You have to grow together, though, or else you’ll grow apart. You need to talk about what you want in your relationship, for your family, and for your own lives and careers to ensure you can grow together and stay together.

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    9. Fight fair.

    Emotions are high when you’re fighting, but don’t start pulling punches you’re going to regret. Never throw something in your spouse’s face that was told to you in confidence. Don’t dig up old secrets just to use as ammunition against them. Fight fair and fight only about the topic at hand, otherwise you’re going to have too much on your plate to deal with, and the fight will never end.

    10. Forgive immediately.

    Even if you don’t really feel it inside, forgive your spouse. Holding a grudge will only make you feel worse, and holding something over your spouse’s head will make them feel like things will never be the same, and you’ll never forget this problem. It doesn’t hurt to forgive immediately—in fact, it can make you feel like you’re really ready to forgive, and that’s just a bonus!

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    11. Let go of past hurt.

    Don’t bring up old hurts and past fights in a current disagreement. You can’t hold grudges about every little thing your partner has done to hurt you—the relationship won’t survive. Once the fight has been fought, forgive, learn your lesson, and forget as best you can.

    12. Learn how to compromise.

    No one can win every fight. And you shouldn’t want to. Compromising is an adult way to solve a problem and allow both partners to win. You have to give a little to get a little!

    13. Respect each other.

    Don’t call each other names. Don’t take jabs at each other’s careers or style or favorite bands. Respect each other fully—and this includes when your spouse isn’t around and you’re gossiping with friends. Think of how you want your spouse to treat you, and do the same for them.

    14. Don’t compare your spouse or relationship.

    Your friend’s husband is not more romantic than yours, and their relationship is not sweeter! Your spouse is perfect for you—that’s why you got married! And your relationship is perfect for the both of you, or at least it’s what you’re working on together. Once you start comparing yourself to others around you, things will unravel. Remember: the grass is always greener on the other side. You might think someone has it better than you, but everyone has their own problems.

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    15. Be patient.

    Don’t expect everything to happen now. You’re married, and you have your whole lives together. That gives you plenty of time to grow together and make the perfect life together. Rushing things could only mean problems down the line.

    16. Don’t expect the other to read your mind.

    You have to talk to your partner. They may not understand why you act a certain way, but if you sit them down and talk about it, they might start to understand. If nothing else, they’ll respect you for talking about it instead of just making them guess.

    17. Talk about your goals.

    The only way to grow together is to talk about your goals together. What do you want for the future? Are you on the same track? You want to make sure you have the same goals in mind for your family, and you want to make sure that one of you isn’t planning a huge career move that would leave the other in the dust! Stay on the same page and talk about your goals often—you can be each other’s cheerleader!

    18. Listen.

    Don’t just talk—listen. It’s important to make sure your partner feels like you’ll hear them out, and not just talk over them. Everyone wants to be understood, and if you quiet down and listen to your spouse, then they’ll give you that same respect.

    19. Have fun together.

    Don’t let marriage seem too daunting! It’s a commitment, yes, but don’t let it seem too “life or death.” You got married because you love each other and you have fun together—don’t lose that! Have fun when you go on dates together, have fun cleaning the floors together, have fun washing dishes! Just have fun together.

    20. Keep your sense of humor.

    It’s important to always be able to get silly with each other. Being too serious will start to seem suffocating after a while. If you can joke with each other, then you’ll always be able to lighten the mood and diffuse any tension in the relationship.

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    Last Updated on January 24, 2021

    How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

    How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

    Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

    For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

    But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

    It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

    And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

    The Importance of Saying No

    When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

    In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

    Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

    Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

    Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

    “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

    When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

    How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

    It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

    From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

    We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

    And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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    At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

    The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

    How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

    Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

    But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

    3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

    1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

    Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

    If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

    2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

    When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

    Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

    3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

    When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

    6 Ways to Start Saying No

    Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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    1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

    One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

    Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

    2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

    Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

    Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

    3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

    Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

    Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

    You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

    4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

    Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

    Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

    5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

    When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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    How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

      Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

      Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

      6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

      If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

      Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

      Final Thoughts

      Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

      Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

      Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

      More Tips on How to Say No

      Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

      Reference

      [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
      [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
      [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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