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16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

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    Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur after you have been through some form of trauma. A trauma is an emotional or physical shock to the body that you see or experience. During this type of event, you think that your life or the lives of others are in danger, leaving you feeling afraid, helpless, or out of control.

    Many people, young and old, have gone through traumatic experiences and PTSD can be caused by a myriad of different things such as:

    • Witnessing an act of violence
    • Witnessing 911 or losing a loved one to 911
    • Serving in military combat zones
    • Being the victim of domestic violence
    • Surviving a severe accident
    • Bullying
    • Natural disasters such as floods, fires, tornados or hurricanes

    Experiencing trauma is not rare. An estimated six of every 10 (or 60%) of men and five of every 10 (or 50%) of women experience at least one trauma in their lives. Women are more likely to experience sexual assault and sexual abuse as a child. Men are more likely to experience accidents, physical assault, combat, disaster, or to witness death or injury.

    Going through a trauma however, does not mean you’ll get PTSD. Even though over half of us go through some type of trauma, only a small percent develop PTSD. It’s estimated that 7.8 percent of Americans will experience PTSD at some point in their lives, with women (10.4%) twice as likely as men (5%) to develop PTSD.

    The timeframe of the actual traumatic experience may be short or prolonged, however the affect of that experience on a person can go on for many, many years. That is what makes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) so challenging.

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    Additionally, it may not present itself right after the event. Sometimes, it takes years before the signs and symptoms of PTSD show up in someone’s behavior.

    For some people, these experiences negatively change the way they perceive the world and their place in it, leaving them to learn how to cope with moving through the world in new, positive ways.

    According to MakeTheConnection.net, a website for veterans, there are a wide variety of signs and symptoms that can be shown by someone suffering from PTSD:

    Here are just a few well-known folks who are coping with the effects of PTSD:

    • Whoopi Goldberg – Actress: witnessed two planes crashing in midair as a child and has an intense fear of flying.
    • Alan Cummings – Actor: was submitted to severe physical and emotional abuse as a child.
    • Oprah Winfrey – TV show host: was raped at age 9 by a family member and abused for a number of years.
    • Major General John Cantwell – Australian Arm General: hid his PTSD for 20 years in the army and was promoted to Deputy Chief of the Australian Army.
    • Audie Murphy – Combat Soldier: Is the most decorated soldier of WWII and was awarded the Medal of Honor and several purple hearts.

    PTSD symptoms can cause a person to act in ways that may be hard for family members to understand. As friends or loved ones, we may see these symptoms in someone we care about but we might not know how to help or be of support.

    Those who are coping with PTSD will tell you that it is challenging on many levels. Here are 16 things they would like you to be mindful of as you support them in their healing process:

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    1. Get Educated. If you see the signs and symptoms of PTSD in someone you care about, learn more about what PTSD is, and what it isn’t, as it relates to your loved one’s experience.

    2. PTSD: a Chronic or Curable Condition? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD is a chronic condition that can be managed through various modalities of treatment. With treatment, the effects of PTSD can be reduced and even eliminated, however, memories of the event cannot be erased.

    Treatment can help someone regain control over their life from the symptoms of PTSD. It can also help reduce the extent to which symptoms of PTSD interfere with a number of different areas in their life such as work, school, or relationships. That said, it is important to remember that symptoms of PTSD can come back again. Once a person has successfully completed treatment, it does not mean the work is done. It is important that they continue to practice the healthy coping skills they learned in treatment.

    3. PTSD is not a choice. Just like other mental illnesses or addictions, it is not something that you “choose” to have or to do to yourself. Use kindness and compassion when someone you know is coping with the PTSD.

    4. Let the professionals treat your loved ones. Mental health experts are trained and equipped to handle mental illnesses such as PTSD. They will be able to talk with your loved one with an objective perspective and can utilize the best tools at hand for treating their PTSD. Your job is simply to love them best you can each day.

    5. You can’t push, coax, or cajole someone into treatment. This is especially hard for those who are watching folks who are dealing with PTSD. While you can make a suggestion to get treatment or even help them find the resources they need, they have to seek treatment for themselves. We’ve all heard the saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink…”

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    6. Understand your loved one’s symptoms and the impact of those symptoms on his or her behavior. What might not seem like a “big deal” to you could be a trigger for your loved one. The more you know about these triggers, the more effectively you can modify routines and avoid them.

    7. Recognize if they’re having trouble sleeping. Those trauma survivors who get PTSD are even more likely to suffer from insomnia and nightmares. According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, of those coping with PTSD, 71% to 96% may have nightmares. If your loved one experiences insomnia or bad dreams, reduce the feelings of stress they experience especially before bed (ex. don’t watch the news before going to bed), reduce or eliminate caffeine in the late afternoon and evening, don’t eat too much before going to bed, and create an environment in which they can sleep well and feel safe.

    8. Consider getting a therapy dog. A therapy dog can provide a sense of security, calming effects, and physical exercise that can make a positive difference in the life of those that suffer with PTSD. A therapy dog can also help them  sleep better, as the dog can be on guard for them, and wake them up if there is a problem.

    9. Don’t ask insensitive questions. Questions about their trauma such as what happened, why it happened or how it happened, can trigger unwanted memories. If a friend or loved one wants to share the experience with you, he or she will do so when the time is right.

    10. Honor individual choices. It is important to understand that your loved one’s behavior does not necessarily indicate his or her true feelings. That is, he may want to go out with friends and family but he is too afraid of bringing up upsetting thoughts and memories. If your loved one says no to participating in some event or going somewhere, honor this answer.

    11. Anxiety has many faces. Especially for kids, but also for adults, anxiety can look like irritability, and it’s much harder to see it for what it is when that happens, according to Dr. Ruth Hoffman. Rather than responding to their crabbiness with “Where are your manners?” or “You don’t have to be such a grouch about it…” try taking a more compassionate route such as, “Wow, you really seem unsettled, is there something I can do?”

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    12. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not real. Each person deals with trauma in their his or her own unique way. Let go of your judgment, and reach for compassion instead as you never know what someone has been through or what they’re dealing with on the inside.

    13. Meet them where they are. A person with PTSD still has a range of feelings, she just may not be expressed in the same way or fashion as she did before the traumatic experience. This may look like utilizing different coping mechanisms to operate effectively in the world, mechanisms which aren’t as familiar to you. When you can meet her where she is and rather than “where she used to be,” you can lower your stress and hers.

    14. Let them be in control of their choices as much as possible. i.e. Don’t make all the choices for them. Conversely, asking them, “What do you want for dinner?” or “What do you want to wear?” (for kids) etc., can be overwhelming because it presents too many choices to think about.   If there is an obvious thing, like wanting to wear the same outfit over and over (some clothes feel safer than others), or wanting to sleep in the other room, etc., those are not things to argue about. Another approach might be “What can you wear that will feel safe enough, while I wash this other favorite outfit you’ve had on for three days?”

    15. Get the support you need. Support groups and/or couples counseling may be a good way to learn how to communicate with your loved one, as well as cope with his or her PTSD symptoms. They may also help you find the best way to encourage your loved one to get help if he hasn’t already.

    16. Treat them normally. If your family member or loved one is getting the treatment she needs, great. The best way you can support her as she goes through the healing process is to treat her normally, i.e. don’t walk on eggshells around her or use PTSD as an excuse to coddle her. Listen and love her as she learn how to effectively manage symptoms of PTSD.

    Dealing with the effects a friend or loved one with PTSD can bring many tests and trials to even the best of relationships.  It requires learning new things and making changes to old patterns and habits.

    The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to offer emotional support, understanding, patience and encouragement to your loved one on his or her road to recovery.

    And this is the most valuable gift you can give.

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    Last Updated on April 23, 2019

    13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

    13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

    Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

    Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

    My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

    To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

    You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

    Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

    “I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

    “I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

    “I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

    “I don’t deserve happiness”

    EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

    Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

    Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

    This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.

    If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:

    1. Happy People Put Happiness First

    Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

    Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

    To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

    The happy person asks,

    “What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

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    “Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

    They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

    If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

    Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

    If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

    2. Happy People Embrace Pain

    I know what you are thinking –

    “No one is ALWAYS happy”

    or …

    “Even happy people get in bad moods”

    and …

    These statements are absolutely accurate.

    Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

    Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

    Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

    Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

    When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

    3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

    We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

    The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

    How are you currently defining yourself?

    For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

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    When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.

    When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

    Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

    Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

    If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

    4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

    The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

    Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

    Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

    They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

    5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

    Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

    However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

    We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

    If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

    What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

    Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

    They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

    What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

    These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.

    6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

    Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

    Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

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    Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

    A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

    A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

    7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

    Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

    Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

    We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

    In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

    8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

    What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

    What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

    Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

    When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

    9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

    Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

    It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

    Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

    Negativity is NOT normal.

    The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

    Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

    In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

    10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

    The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

    They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

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    The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

    Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

    If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

    11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

    Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

    Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

    It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

    Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

    12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

    Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

    It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

    Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

    13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.

    When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

    Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

    Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

    In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

    If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

    I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

    It starts with one decision – happiness.

    The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

    Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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