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15 Things You Keep That Stop You From Moving On With Life

15 Things You Keep That Stop You From Moving On With Life

You are your own worst enemy. Yes, you may claim you want to be happy, but you’re holding on to a whole lot of stuff that blocks a smile from reaching your face. Let go of these 15 things to get moving on with life.

1. The Shiny New Thing

iphone5s

    There will always be a newer, better, more expensive version of everything you own. Does your cell phone, laptop, or video game console get the job done? If so, get over it and be happy with what you have. Life should be full of experiences (not things).

    2. Ancient Artifacts

    How many toys do your children actually play with? How much of your stuff do you actually use? If your answer is “not much,” then it’s time to cut the clutter. A clean home free from distractions will make you feel happy and satisfied with your surroundings.

    toy

      3. Faux Friendships

      Sure, you might have 2,000 friends on Facebook, but how many of them do you actually talk to? If you have any negative people cluttering up your feed, or acquaintances so unfamiliar they might as well be strangers, give them the boot with a quick unfriend.

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      friends

        4. Undialed Numbers

        Take a half hour when you have nothing else to do and scroll through your contacts list. If a phone number hasn’t been dialed in the last year (and you don’t plan on calling again), delete it without a second thought. Remember: quality over quantity.

        calling

          5. Neglected Attire

          If the question “when is the last time I wore that?” results in a 30 second pause while you deliberate, it needs to go.

          wear

            6. Excuses

            While you’re making excuses, other people are hustling hard in the direction of their hopes and dreams. Stop making excuses and start finding solutions. There is no problem so difficult you can’t solve it.

            excuses

              7. Baggage

              We all have a little baggage so don’t feel like you’re alone, but a lighter load will help you carry yourself forward with life. Carrying remnants of a relationship gone wrong into new love will put a damper on your new life, so it’s time to let it go.

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              come from

                 

                go

                  8. The “Right” Time

                  There is no “right” or “perfect” time to do anything. The more you keep telling yourself you’re waiting for the “right time,” the harder it will be to take action, so get started now.

                  time2

                    9. Insecurity

                    Your feelings of inadequacy will reflect in how you carry yourself. In other words? Being insecure in your words and actions will merely create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look people in the eye, take their hand (firmly!), and speak to them with confidence.

                    scared

                      10. Unresolved Conflicts

                      Is there a difficult conversation you’ve been putting off for a while now? Things held in have a way of intensifying, so it would be in your best interest to get it off your chest.

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                      not perfect

                        11. Thoughts About Your Ex

                        If you’re going to linger on thoughts of love lost, let your mind consider the positive experiences or lessons learned (not the past regrets you can’t do anything about). Whether you were in the right or wrong, holding on to negative thoughts about your ex will not magically make your life any better. Do you want to find another person who is a better match, who will make you feel happy and loved? Then you need to drop it and move on.

                        ex

                          12. The Need to Be Right

                          What a person learns from being correct: Nothing. What a person learns from being wrong: A lot. Failure is a teacher who will drive its lesson home better than all of your college professors combined.

                          need to be right

                            13. Fear of Trying New Things

                            Holding on to your fear of new experiences will shut a lot of doors. Challenge yourself to explore as many new opportunities as you can. Growth happens when we evolve (not when we’re stagnate).

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                            fear

                              14. 24/7 Human Companionship

                              By the time you go to work, school, and back home… do you spend any time by yourself (and no, the car drive doesn’t count)? Humans are usually fun to be around but everybody could use a breather to relax and be alone. Make time for yourself and drop your need for constant companionship. Become your own BFF.

                              alone

                                15. The Belief That It’s All About You

                                NEWSFLASH: It is not all about you. Earth is a home for 7,023,000,000 (that’s 7.023 billion) people who face challenges and hardships just like you do. The next time a banker asks you for your ID and you start to complain because you’re a regular and they should recognize you, imagine how many people they see in a day (hint: you times a thousand). The next time you get mad because you’re stuck in traffic, let the fact that you’re not alone register (and if there’s a wreck, be glad you’re at the back of the line instead of in the mangled wreckage in front).

                                all about you

                                   

                                  Do you see anything familiar that’s stopping you from moving on with life? If so, how are you going to fix it?

                                  More by this author

                                  Daniel Wallen

                                  Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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                                  Last Updated on May 21, 2019

                                  How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

                                  How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

                                  For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

                                  If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

                                  Example 1

                                  You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

                                  You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

                                  In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

                                  Example 2

                                  You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

                                  People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

                                  You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

                                  Example 3

                                  You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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                                  The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

                                  Example 4

                                  You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

                                  Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

                                  If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

                                  Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

                                  • Understand your own communication style
                                  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
                                  • Communicate with precision and care
                                  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

                                  1. Understand Your Communication Style

                                  To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

                                  In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

                                  Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

                                  2. Learn Others Communication Styles

                                  Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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                                  If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

                                  “How do you prefer to receive information?”

                                  This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

                                  To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

                                  3. Exercise Precision and Care

                                  A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

                                  On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

                                  Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

                                  I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

                                  I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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                                  In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

                                  The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

                                  Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

                                  4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

                                  Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

                                  In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

                                  “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

                                  Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

                                  Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

                                  It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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                                  It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

                                  It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

                                  Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

                                  Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

                                  The Bottom Line

                                  When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

                                  I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

                                  More Articles About Effective Communication

                                  Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

                                  Reference

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