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15 Things People Who Love Their Lives Do Differently

15 Things People Who Love Their Lives Do Differently

I think pretty much everyone’s ultimate goal is to be happy and love their lives. But how many people really do? If you ever come across the lucky few who genuinely do love the life they are living, you might think, “What are they doing differently?” If that thought has ever crossed your mind, here are 15 things that these people do, that you can too…once you make the decision:

1. They know that life is short.

It might sound cliche, but people who love their lives know that every moment is a precious gift. They frequently have their mortality on their minds, not in an obsessive way, but in a way that reminds them to live each day to the fullest and not take a single thing for granted.

2. They aren’t demanding of other people’s attention.

If you’re happy and love the life you are living, there is no need to be the constant center of attention. People who love their lives tend to be self-confident, and they don’t need everyone falling at their feet to feel good about themselves.

3. They are wise with where they spend their money.

Happy people who love their lives realize that being impulsive or careless with their money will have negative consequences. They think before they spend. They budget and make sure that they never go into debt, because that would cause unneeded stress.

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4. They are in touch with their feelings.

Part what is so great about life is loving other people and feeling our emotions deeply. While they can’t guarantee that their emotions will always be good, people who love their lives allow themselves to feel and express emotions. They realize that feelings are part of life and they don’t repress them.

5. They claim their own power.

In other words, they don’t let anyone control their world. For example: if someone says or something nasty to them, they don’t let it ruin their life. They change what they can, accept what they can’t, and let the negative emotions flow through them so they don’t let other people control how they feel.

6. They roll with the punches.

Life never goes the way we expect. People who love their lives know this. They know that the unexpected can happen, but they don’t let it stop them from being happy. They simply shift gears and find another direction.

7. They know how to control their actions.

Some people think their actions are a result of some outside force. How many times have you heard, “She made me yell because she said something stupid!” No. No one makes you yell but you. Yes, people can make you angry, but what you do with that anger–and how you channel it into action–is another story. People who love their lives know this.

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8. They take responsibity for their actions.

No one is perfect. As I said in #7, happy people know that they control their actions. However, sometimes they make mistakes. If they ever temporarily lose control and behave in a manner that may have hurt someone (or isn’t productive), they apologize. After they apologize, they change their behavior.

9. They turn their passion into a career.

You have probably heard people say, “Do you what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Many people agree, but they don’t know how to make it happen. People who love their lives know that there is a way to turn any passion into a money-making opportunity.

10. They know they have the ability to control their thoughts.

Most people think that their thoughts control them, instead of vice versa. That isn’t true. At any time, you have the ability to choose a different thought. You might not believe it at first, but the more you replay a positive thought over and over in your head, the more you will start to live it.

11. They only associate with positive people who lift them higher.

Happy people don’t like to be around negative people. They get drained, and would probably rather be home reading a good book alone than be around any negativity. No one likes complainers, so people who love their lives only surround themselves with other positive people.

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12. They enjoy being with people and being alone.

Being social is fun, but being alone also has its benefits. People who love their lives are able to incorporate both into their lives. They don’t necessarily lean to either extreme; they tend to have balance.

13. They are confident in the choices they make.

They have the ability to step back and logically analyze the choices presented to them. They think before they act. They look at the possible consequences of each choice. Once they make a decision, they are confident about it. Even if it doesn’t turn out as planned, they can change courses fairly easily and happily (see #6).

14. They know how to be a positive influence on others.

People who love their lives know that their life is an example for the world. They know that other people are watching them, and they try to be the best they can be. They only want to spread happiness and joy, and to model good behavior.

15. They love themselves.

This is not narcissistic love (narcissism isn’t really self-love at all). What I mean is that they genuinely like who they are. In other words, if they were someone else, they would probably be friends with themselves. They think they’re pretty cool.

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If you don’t love your life, don’t give up hope. There are always changes you can make to become happier. These 15 things are just the start to being happy and loving your life. Why not try a few of them today?

Featured photo credit: Happy hipster girl making photo with retro camera on city street via shutterstock.com

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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