I think pretty much everyone’s ultimate goal is to be happy and love their lives. But how many people really do? If you ever come across the lucky few who genuinely do love the life they are living, you might think, “What are they doing differently?” If that thought has ever crossed your mind, here are 15 things that these people do, that you can too…once you make the decision:
1. They know that life is short.
It might sound cliche, but people who love their lives know that every moment is a precious gift. They frequently have their mortality on their minds, not in an obsessive way, but in a way that reminds them to live each day to the fullest and not take a single thing for granted.
2. They aren’t demanding of other people’s attention.
If you’re happy and love the life you are living, there is no need to be the constant center of attention. People who love their lives tend to be self-confident, and they don’t need everyone falling at their feet to feel good about themselves.
3. They are wise with where they spend their money.
Happy people who love their lives realize that being impulsive or careless with their money will have negative consequences. They think before they spend. They budget and make sure that they never go into debt, because that would cause unneeded stress.
4. They are in touch with their feelings.
Part what is so great about life is loving other people and feeling our emotions deeply. While they can’t guarantee that their emotions will always be good, people who love their lives allow themselves to feel and express emotions. They realize that feelings are part of life and they don’t repress them.
5. They claim their own power.
In other words, they don’t let anyone control their world. For example: if someone says or something nasty to them, they don’t let it ruin their life. They change what they can, accept what they can’t, and let the negative emotions flow through them so they don’t let other people control how they feel.
6. They roll with the punches.
Life never goes the way we expect. People who love their lives know this. They know that the unexpected can happen, but they don’t let it stop them from being happy. They simply shift gears and find another direction.
7. They know how to control their actions.
Some people think their actions are a result of some outside force. How many times have you heard, “She made me yell because she said something stupid!” No. No one makes you yell but you. Yes, people can make you angry, but what you do with that anger–and how you channel it into action–is another story. People who love their lives know this.
8. They take responsibity for their actions.
No one is perfect. As I said in #7, happy people know that they control their actions. However, sometimes they make mistakes. If they ever temporarily lose control and behave in a manner that may have hurt someone (or isn’t productive), they apologize. After they apologize, they change their behavior.
9. They turn their passion into a career.
You have probably heard people say, “Do you what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Many people agree, but they don’t know how to make it happen. People who love their lives know that there is a way to turn any passion into a money-making opportunity.
10. They know they have the ability to control their thoughts.
Most people think that their thoughts control them, instead of vice versa. That isn’t true. At any time, you have the ability to choose a different thought. You might not believe it at first, but the more you replay a positive thought over and over in your head, the more you will start to live it.
11. They only associate with positive people who lift them higher.
Happy people don’t like to be around negative people. They get drained, and would probably rather be home reading a good book alone than be around any negativity. No one likes complainers, so people who love their lives only surround themselves with other positive people.
12. They enjoy being with people andbeing alone.
Being social is fun, but being alone also has its benefits. People who love their lives are able to incorporate both into their lives. They don’t necessarily lean to either extreme; they tend to have balance.
13. They are confident in the choices they make.
They have the ability to step back and logically analyze the choices presented to them. They think before they act. They look at the possible consequences of each choice. Once they make a decision, they are confident about it. Even if it doesn’t turn out as planned, they can change courses fairly easily and happily (see #6).
14. They know how to be a positive influence on others.
People who love their lives know that their life is an example for the world. They know that other people are watching them, and they try to be the best they can be. They only want to spread happiness and joy, and to model good behavior.
15. They love themselves.
This is not narcissistic love (narcissism isn’t really self-love at all). What I mean is that they genuinely like who they are. In other words, if they were someone else, they would probably be friends with themselves. They think they’re pretty cool.
If you don’t love your life, don’t give up hope. There are always changes you can make to become happier. These 15 things are just the start to being happy and loving your life. Why not try a few of them today?
You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.
Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:
1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically
According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.
“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor
Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:
If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.
If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.
Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:
Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.
Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.
To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.
Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.
Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.
Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.
Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.
Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:
2. Focus on your goal
One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.
Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’
Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.
Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.
If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.
3. Convert negativity to positivity
There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?
‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’
It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.
Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”
Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.
Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:
4. Understand your content
Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.
However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.
“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor
Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.
Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.
One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.
5. Practice makes perfect
Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.
In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.
Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!
6. Be authentic
There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.
Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.
Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.
To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.
With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.
Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:
7. Post speech evaluation
Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.
Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation
We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.
You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.
Improve your next speech
As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:
How did I do?
Are there any areas for improvement?
Did I sound or look stressed?
Did I stumble on my words? Why?
Was I saying “um” too often?
How was the flow of the speech?
Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.
If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too: