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15 Things Every Parent Wants Their Children To Know After They Grow Up

15 Things Every Parent Wants Their Children To Know After They Grow Up

One of the most important things you can tell your kids is not to lose touch once they grow up! After all, lonely parents are abound: their kids have grown up, moved away, and may not make an effort to keep in touch. The family is a precious unit but most of all, parents should never be forgotten. Here are some common parental fears shared by all.

1. Don’t abandon us.

Yes, we know you had to leave the country for your job. Call us more often on the phone or via Skype. You will remember how we were always there for you when you needed us. Don’t let us become another statistic in that which says that half of the over 75s in the UK live alone with just the TV for company.

2. Look after us.

We had to look after you when you were ill, when you were upset, or when you grazed your knees while playing. Now that we are much more vulnerable, and liable to have not just aches and pains but major illnesses, pay us back in kind. Remember how you were taught to be responsible and do the chores? That helped you to become more resilient. You can do the same for us now by making sure that your responsibilities have not yet ended, regardless of physical distance. We don’t want a law passed, like in China, where children are legally obliged to look after their parents’ physical and mental needs. You don’t need a law because you still love us, just like we loved you all your life.

3. Work hard.

“Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” Theodore Roosevelt.

The work ethic was strong in our family. We worked hard and honestly and taught you the work ethics which you probably did not realize at the time. Now that you are working, teach your kids the same and never take short cuts by manipulating others, being lazy, or shunning hard work.

4. Watch your manners.

How many times did we complain about your table manners? That was just the beginning in teaching you to be a well-mannered kid. Nowadays, bad manners such as loud talking on the phone, not covering mouth or nose when coughing and sneezing, and not offering their seat on public transport are everywhere. The next time you see that elderly person standing, remember that s/he was once a parent!

5. Be grateful.

“The best way that I can express my gratitude to my parents is by showing how much I care for them, express how much I love them, and showing them how they influenced me as a son to be successful in all that I’m going to do in the future.” – Inno Martin, actor

How many times did we teach you to say thank you and to be grateful for all the blessings life gave you? We always knew that you were precious and remarkable, and we were so thankful for that too.

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6. Help others.

Never forget how we taught you to give and pay it forward every single day. Each one of us has the capacity to brighten someone’s life. It is uplifting for the giver and the receiver. But the giver gets a greater sense of satisfaction and contentment.

7. Make allowances for our age.

When you come to visit, make a few adjustments in what you expect from us. We cannot move as quickly as forty years ago or remember everything! Think about when we had to teach you to eat, walk, read, and learn. Now, it’s your turn to be a little bit more patient.

“Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” – Proverbs 23:22

8. Stop fussing.

Don’t try and ruin our independence. It is the most precious gift we have. We too will learn from our mistakes in middle and old age. We allowed you to take the same risks and grow up when you were at school or going out on your first date. Just be there when we really do need you.

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9. Remember our milestones.

We always remember your birthdays and anniversaries. A simple gesture and one that shows we still love and care for you, as always. Don’t forget to do the same for us. We are quite flexible — a note, message, text, or a call on Skype. But it does not always have to be a special event; messages out of the blue are even better!

10. Look after yourself.

As parents we taught you to stay well and be happy. We encouraged you to do sports and to avoid eating junk food. Never forget those principles and avoid the trap of poor diet or exercise habits and being stressed out at work. Martin Seligman, a great advocate of positive psychology, was right when he said that psychologists need to study what makes happy people happy.

11. Learn to forgive.

In one alarming survey, only 58% children who were estranged from their parents wanted to restore the relationship. There is a deeper rift and estrangement is just a way of never resolving the problem. If you have grown distant in every sense of the word, let us repair the bridges and allow us to end our lives in love. The only way forward is to resolve the issues, find common ground and to forgive. We never let you nurse a grievance when you were young because we wanted to be there for you.

12. We respect your privacy and maturity.

Lots of parents plague their grown up children with questions about their lifestyle, marital status, and even their weight! We respect your privacy and we are making the effort to follow Ruth Nemzoff’s advice in Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How To Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children. We just have one request: please help us to maintain our autonomy as long as our health and finances permit.

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13. We are here for you.

My father would say, “They’re worse than when they were babies” when we ran into trouble at work or in relationships. But that exasperation was a mere cover for genuine love and concern. We need to show you that we are always on hand for advice and hope you will do the same for us.

14. Patience is needed.

When you live at home, you do not want to hear the same old mantras about tidiness and communication all over again. Living together again requires that privacy is respected on both sides and that economic factors are going to play a large role before you become autonomous. A much better plan is to work out how and when we expect you to achieve full adulthood responsibility.

15. Cherish the memories.

Our only goal now is that we can end our days being cherished by you, wherever you may be. We know that challenges of elder care, financial burdens, and failing health may be daunting, but the best memories are the time and laughter we enjoyed together. That is the greatest gift of all!

Featured photo credit: Teaching a parent how to use Skype /Knight Foundation via flickr.com

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More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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