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15 Silly Habits That Seriously Harm Your Relationship

15 Silly Habits That Seriously Harm Your Relationship

Although some bad habits may seem minor, over time they can really add up and damage the relationship. Often, people underestimate how damaging these seemingly silly habits can be. If your guilty of any of these relationship habits, make changes to help nurture and grow your relationship instead of damaging it.

1. Nagging Too Much

Many studies have pointed to nagging as being the number one factor that makes men dissatisfied with their relationships. Don’t nag your partner. Remember that your partner doesn’t have to do things according to your timeline and nagging will only make the situation worse.

2. Not Taking Care of Yourself

You aren’t going to be a good partner unless you take care of yourself. The best partners are people who care for their emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Take care of yourself so you can give to your relationship.

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3. Taking Your Partner for Granted

The longer you’ve been together the easier it can be to take your partner for granted. Take time to appreciate your partner every day so that you don’t overlook how fortunate you are.

4. Half-Listening

It can be easy to nod your head or say you agree to something without ever really hearing what your partner said. Half-listening to what your partner is one of those relationship habits that can lead to a lot of problems. Work on your communication so you can truly listen to what your partner has to say.

5. Avoiding Discussions About Problems

Ignoring problems won’t make them disappear. In fact, many problems get worse when you don’t address them. Don’t avoid your relationship problems. Instead, be willing to tackle them in an adult manner.

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6. Not Being Assertive

Pretending to agree with your partner when you don’t isn’t healthy. It can lead to anger and resentment over time. Speak up and share your feelings in a respectful manner.

7. Testing Your Partner’s Loyalty

Don’t test your partner’s loyalty. It will likely backfire over time. Instead, focus on your own loyalty toward your partner.

8. Complaining About Your Partner

Don’t call your mother or your best friend to complain about your partner. If you are upset or don’t like your partner’s behavior, talk to your partner directly.

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9. Not Balancing Friend and Family Time

Spending time with friends and family is part of being a well-balanced person. However, if you spend too much time with others, you could neglect your relationship. Strive to find just the right balance and it will help keep your relationship fresh and exciting.

10. Using the Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive tactic that can harm your relationship. It is often about control and not about trying to calm down. Learn how to address your issues in a more productive manner.

11. Taking Teasing Too Far

Although a little teasing can lead to a good laugh, taking teasing too far can damage the relationship. Don’t embarrass your partner in front of others or continue to tease when your partner asks you to stop.

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12. Telling “White Lies”

One of the worst relationship habits is lying. Even those little white lies can seriously damage your relationship. Whether you aren’t honest about how much you spent on a shopping trip or where you went last, it can destroy the relationship.

13. Focusing on Your Happiness Only

Too often, people focus on what they’re gaining from the relationship rather than focusing on what they’re giving. Whether you’re happy or not, put effort into making your partner happy.

14. Keeping Score

Don’t keep score about who earned what or whose turn it is next. Instead, focus on working together as a team to do what’s best for the relationship.

15. Making a Scene in Public

Throwing a fit at a restaurant, yelling on the sidewalk, or exhibiting the silent treatment at a friend’s party can all be very damaging to the relationship. Avoid making a scene in public. Instead, keep your private business just between the two of you.

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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