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15 Do’s and Don’ts When Dating

15 Do’s and Don’ts When Dating

In today’s 100 mile and hour whirlwind lives of ours it is harder than ever to meet the right person.  With the rise of speed dating events and singles nights it is clear to see that we are looking for all the help we can get with finding ‘the one’.  When time is limited and you are dealing with everyday stresses it’s hard to put your dating cap on and be on your top form, that’s why when you do get the chance you’ve got to make sure you make an impression as it may be your only chance to impress Mr. or Mrs. right.

Some guidance on dating wouldn’t go a miss I’m sure, so have a read on to see how you can use my advice to make a good impression and maybe a second date. Behold my friends……the 15 do’s and don’ts when dating.

1. DO Turn up on time.

Imagine that for every minute you are delayed your date will be thinking about how the possibility of them being stood up.  You’ll have left them in the restaurant or bar looking at their watch feeling self-conscious about everyone watching them sitting there alone.

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    2. Don’t talk about how great you are.

    How off-putting! Your date does not, I repeat NOT want to hear all about you.  They want to be listened to, respected and engaged with.  There will be plenty of time for them get to know you, just wait your turn and reveal more about you when the time calls for it.

    shh

      3. DO be interested.

      If you’re meeting for the first time it’s likely you’ll find out a lot about your date that you never knew.  Some of it may be of interest to you, some not, but act like you are interested.  Think of the effort they have made to tell you things that are important to them and show some interest in what they are saying.  Which leads me to my next point.

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        4. Don’t keep checking your phone.

        This shows total lack of interest and disrespect to the conversation. If you check your phone you are clearly saying that your phone is more important than the person sitting opposite you.  Prepare to get the bus home.

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          5. DO Listen more.

          We all like the sound of our own voice but when you are getting to know someone and the relationship is in it’s raw phase then quieten and take in what has been said.  Speak less and show your interest by listening more.

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            6. Don’t be under-dressed.

            Being overdressed is far better than turning up looking a scruff.  Your date will appreciate the effort you made and if they haven’t made as much of an effort then they will aim to the next time you meet up.

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              7. DO ask more questions.

              That’s right by now you are so interested in what they are saying that you want to know more. Listen, take in the information and ask questions to prove that what you have heard is computing.

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                8. Don’t try and be perfect.

                No one is perfect and no one is looking for Mr or Mrs perfect. No relationship is built on perfection so no need to worry if your date doesn’t seem too impressed with your little quirks or silly habits. Your imperfection is what makes you perfect.

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                  9. DO Make eye contact.

                  People will assess honesty through eye contact.  The more you look away when you are speaking the more dishonest you will seem.  You don’t need to stare your date out with your lovers eyes, just know that a better connection will be made if you keep your focus on them.

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                    10. Don’t spend too long talking about past relationships.

                    This subject is best mentioned and not elaborated on.  Nobody wants to hear how much you loved your ex and how wonderful your life was with them.  If you find yourself in the middle of this conversation I suggest you moonwalk out the bar and get a taxi home.

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                      11. DO be honest.

                      The relationship between you two will start off in the best possible way if you are totally honest with your date.  This is the way I see it. You should always be proud of expressing exactly who you are and what you stand for and if it doesn’t sit well with them then you know that they aren’t the right person for you.

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                        12. Don’t think too far ahead

                        Enjoy the moment! Forget what might happen, what could happen and all the variables and just enjoy your date, focus on connecting and being happy in the moment.

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                          13.Do offer to pay for the bill.

                          Guys find it attractive if a lady shows intention of paying for the bill.  It’s sexy, and shows that she is able to look after herself, but guys if you are reading this do not let the lady pay on the first date.  Take control of the payment as the ladies like the same quality in us.

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                            14. Don’t use cheesy lines.

                            You’re not thirteen years old any more so don’t even go there.  Cheesy lines should be left to teenagers, movies and people that have no interest in ever dating again. Not wise and not cool, enough said on that one.

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                              15. Do throw in a compliment or two.

                              We all love a compliment and I suggest that throwing one in to the conversation will only be a positive move. Keep it simple, keep it clean and say it like you mean it, not just because you are returning a compliment.

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                                Now go and get working my good people and may cupid be looking down on you.  Adios!

                                Featured photo credit: Holding hands couple via shutterstock.com

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                                Published on May 4, 2021

                                How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

                                How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

                                They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

                                In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

                                How to Spot Fake People?

                                When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

                                Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

                                1. Full of Themselves

                                Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

                                Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

                                2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

                                Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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                                It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

                                3. Zero Self-Reflection

                                To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

                                Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

                                4. Unrealistic Perceptions

                                Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

                                A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

                                5. Love Attention

                                As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

                                6. People Pleaser

                                Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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                                Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

                                7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

                                Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

                                8. Crappy friend

                                Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

                                It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

                                The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

                                How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

                                It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

                                There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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                                1. Boundaries

                                Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

                                2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

                                Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

                                3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

                                If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

                                4. Ask for Advice

                                If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

                                Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

                                5. Dig Deeper

                                Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

                                Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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                                6. Practice Self-Care!

                                Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

                                Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

                                Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

                                Final Thoughts

                                Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

                                We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

                                More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

                                Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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