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15 Do’s and Don’ts When Dating

15 Do’s and Don’ts When Dating

In today’s 100 mile and hour whirlwind lives of ours it is harder than ever to meet the right person.  With the rise of speed dating events and singles nights it is clear to see that we are looking for all the help we can get with finding ‘the one’.  When time is limited and you are dealing with everyday stresses it’s hard to put your dating cap on and be on your top form, that’s why when you do get the chance you’ve got to make sure you make an impression as it may be your only chance to impress Mr. or Mrs. right.

Some guidance on dating wouldn’t go a miss I’m sure, so have a read on to see how you can use my advice to make a good impression and maybe a second date. Behold my friends……the 15 do’s and don’ts when dating.

1. DO Turn up on time.

Imagine that for every minute you are delayed your date will be thinking about how the possibility of them being stood up.  You’ll have left them in the restaurant or bar looking at their watch feeling self-conscious about everyone watching them sitting there alone.

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    2. Don’t talk about how great you are.

    How off-putting! Your date does not, I repeat NOT want to hear all about you.  They want to be listened to, respected and engaged with.  There will be plenty of time for them get to know you, just wait your turn and reveal more about you when the time calls for it.

    shh

      3. DO be interested.

      If you’re meeting for the first time it’s likely you’ll find out a lot about your date that you never knew.  Some of it may be of interest to you, some not, but act like you are interested.  Think of the effort they have made to tell you things that are important to them and show some interest in what they are saying.  Which leads me to my next point.

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        4. Don’t keep checking your phone.

        This shows total lack of interest and disrespect to the conversation. If you check your phone you are clearly saying that your phone is more important than the person sitting opposite you.  Prepare to get the bus home.

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          5. DO Listen more.

          We all like the sound of our own voice but when you are getting to know someone and the relationship is in it’s raw phase then quieten and take in what has been said.  Speak less and show your interest by listening more.

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            6. Don’t be under-dressed.

            Being overdressed is far better than turning up looking a scruff.  Your date will appreciate the effort you made and if they haven’t made as much of an effort then they will aim to the next time you meet up.

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              7. DO ask more questions.

              That’s right by now you are so interested in what they are saying that you want to know more. Listen, take in the information and ask questions to prove that what you have heard is computing.

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                8. Don’t try and be perfect.

                No one is perfect and no one is looking for Mr or Mrs perfect. No relationship is built on perfection so no need to worry if your date doesn’t seem too impressed with your little quirks or silly habits. Your imperfection is what makes you perfect.

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                  9. DO Make eye contact.

                  People will assess honesty through eye contact.  The more you look away when you are speaking the more dishonest you will seem.  You don’t need to stare your date out with your lovers eyes, just know that a better connection will be made if you keep your focus on them.

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                    10. Don’t spend too long talking about past relationships.

                    This subject is best mentioned and not elaborated on.  Nobody wants to hear how much you loved your ex and how wonderful your life was with them.  If you find yourself in the middle of this conversation I suggest you moonwalk out the bar and get a taxi home.

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                      11. DO be honest.

                      The relationship between you two will start off in the best possible way if you are totally honest with your date.  This is the way I see it. You should always be proud of expressing exactly who you are and what you stand for and if it doesn’t sit well with them then you know that they aren’t the right person for you.

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                        12. Don’t think too far ahead

                        Enjoy the moment! Forget what might happen, what could happen and all the variables and just enjoy your date, focus on connecting and being happy in the moment.

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                          13.Do offer to pay for the bill.

                          Guys find it attractive if a lady shows intention of paying for the bill.  It’s sexy, and shows that she is able to look after herself, but guys if you are reading this do not let the lady pay on the first date.  Take control of the payment as the ladies like the same quality in us.

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                            14. Don’t use cheesy lines.

                            You’re not thirteen years old any more so don’t even go there.  Cheesy lines should be left to teenagers, movies and people that have no interest in ever dating again. Not wise and not cool, enough said on that one.

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                              15. Do throw in a compliment or two.

                              We all love a compliment and I suggest that throwing one in to the conversation will only be a positive move. Keep it simple, keep it clean and say it like you mean it, not just because you are returning a compliment.

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                                Now go and get working my good people and may cupid be looking down on you.  Adios!

                                Featured photo credit: Holding hands couple via shutterstock.com

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                                Last Updated on September 18, 2020

                                13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

                                “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

                                Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

                                You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

                                Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

                                1. Take a step back and evaluate

                                When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

                                1. What is the problem?
                                2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
                                3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
                                4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
                                5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

                                Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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                                2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

                                If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

                                At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

                                Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

                                3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

                                Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

                                4. Process your thoughts/emotions

                                Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

                                1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
                                2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
                                3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
                                4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

                                5. Acknowledge your thoughts

                                Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

                                By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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                                Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

                                6. Give yourself a break

                                If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

                                7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

                                A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

                                Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

                                After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

                                8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

                                As Helen Keller once said,

                                “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

                                Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

                                9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

                                In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

                                1. What’s the situation?
                                2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
                                3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
                                4. Take action on your next steps!

                                After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

                                10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

                                A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

                                Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

                                For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

                                11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

                                No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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                                12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

                                No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

                                13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

                                There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

                                After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

                                Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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