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15 Don’ts that Happy Couples Follow

15 Don’ts that Happy Couples Follow

A happy relationship is a myth.Truth is that to keep the ball running is painstakingly tough.The facade behind the Facebook posts,pictureuploads and smiling faces is something no one else knows except the two people involved in the ongoing tussle. All couples go through some hair-ripping and teeth clenching moments, but there are some happy couples who focus on some particular Don’ts.

Yes you heard it right, Don’ts and not Do’s.

These are some particular Don’ts that happy couples follow to keep the spark alive,each day.

1. They don’t keep count.

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    Happy couples never keep count of their duties.They are oblivious to their daily chores yet they are not stickler for rules. The once in a while slip ups are obvious and the other person lets it off. If one is watching the sports telecast, the other quietly does the laundry even when it’s not her turn. Likewise, if she’s late from work, she will be greeted by the warm smell of a freshly cooked dinner.

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    2. They don’t use the words “I or Me”.

    Happy couples love to engage in talk that covers both of them. When relating their experiences to people about certain things, they use the words “We” and “us” rather “I”, “me” or “myself”.Their togetherness quotient is reflected by the sheer pride they have while discussing their collective thoughts.There are opinions that may differ at times,but then they learn to agree to disagree and enjoy the differences.

    3. They don’t sleep over it.

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      However small the issue at hand is, happy couples don’t sleep over their fights.Rather than taking the problem to bed and prolonging it till next morning,they talk over it.Of course if one is angry they do need a breathing time to cool down and reflect on the harshness of their voices but then they eventually come around.

      4. They don’t count their chickens before they hatch.

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        Happy couples don’t expect all of their hopes to be fulfilled.They realize that they are in charge of their own happiness and not the other person.The wife realizes that it is her dream to go backpacking for the holidays not her husband’s so she saves up for it.The husband knows that he wants to see the Grand Prix but doesn’t want to when his wife is expecting. They realize that dreams are meant to be there, some come true, others don’t.

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        5. They don’t think about the problem, they talk.

        Lots of problems go unresolved when the couple keeps it inside.Most of the times the pent up is to avoid hurting the other person or to over aggravate the fight. Little do people realize that this results in tumultuous outcomes. Happy couples don’t keep their hassles inside, they vent it out.Of course the result might not always be great and may hurt the other person, but for the sake of a fruitful relationship,it’s vital.

        6. They don’t argue, they discuss.

        Fights are an inevitable part of a relationship and we know that. If you are not fighting there must be something wrong with the way you two behave with each other. Tiny differences are allowed for the loving make up sessions that follow. Happy couples have a trend of keeping it low when they fight, instead of arguing with each other, they reason and see the other side of the story.Of course at times it’s difficult to listen to the other person’s outbursts but they still do.

        7. They don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

        Happy couples stay away from the melodrama and underplay their issues.They learn eventually to avoid noticing the mistakes that their partner has made and focus on the positives sides.The wife ignores that her husband missed helping her with the laundry as he was talking with his friend over the phone.The husband eats the half baked cake anyways as he knows the wife had too much work on her hands.

        8. They don’t cheat,they express honestly.

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          Life is too short for lies especially with the person with whom you are supposed to grow old with. Sharing a roof, they are going to find out about it eventually.Happy couples keep the cheating stuff off the table.They don’t cheat their partner in anything, may it involve a mere phone call or planning for a trip. Being blatant is way better than lying only to break your promise at a later date. At the unfortunate event of the marriage not going anywhere, they tell their partners up front rather than date another person simultaneously.

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          9. They don’t procrastinate.

          They deal with things or chores before they get too ugly. Whether it is about doing the dishes, booking the movie tickets, planning for a trip or discussing about the expenses, they prefer to do it right away when the thought is fresh in their minds. Also delaying the tasks at hand might be offending to the other person.

          10. They don’t play the family card.

          Happy couples have two simple rules concerning family. They don’t drag the family into fights and they don’t compare one another to their family members. Fights are concerning both and they remain confined within the four walls of the room. Happy couple’s families are blissfully unaware of the problems. Neither do they use statements like “Why don’t you cook the food the way my mother does?”.

          11. They don’t use the self-pity trick.

          Happy couples recognize that self pity and self loathing gets you nowhere. Instead you are despised by the other person.In the event of a fight, happy couples never say things like “You are so cruel to me” or “”What did I do to deserve this?”. At times their emotions get the better of them, but they still try to keep it subtle by changing the topic or asking the other person calmly what made them react this way.

          12. They don’t cling on,they give space.

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            Happy couples love doing things together that they enjoy. But they recognize that they both need individual moments of glory, too. There are some things that you enjoy that they other person doesn’t. Instead of clinging on and coaxing the other person to do what you want, you have to encourage your partner to do what they want.People in a happy relationship don’t give up their dreams, neither do they let the other person forget theirs.

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            13. They don’t always have their way.

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              Happy couples recognize that in relationships sometimes you need to think more about the other person than about yourself. They focus on giving rather than receiving. As a result the other person always feels comforted that his or her interests and thoughts matter.

              14. They don’t find life OK, they find it awesome.

              Happy couples always have something to look forward to .Of course life does get monotonous at times but they pep it up with surprises, vacations and friday nights.When questioned by others how life in general is they always say “It’s Rocking”.

              15. They don’t stop trying.

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                Everyone goes through a rough patch but happy couples really know how to pull it all together.Maybe they are having endless discussions without reaching a solution.Maybe they are not agreeing on the new school that their daughter is about to join. Or maybe their work lifes are driving them crazy. But they never stop trying to find compromises.

                Lastly, happy couples are normal couples. They are not celebrities whose everyday life is a movie. Happy couples are the ones who survive the tiring days, the endless house work,the non stop cooking sessions, the hectic weekdays and the lazy weekends.While they are running to their workplaces, doing the dishes, vacuuming the house and refueling the car, they still find time to celebrate their love.

                Featured photo credit: Happy Couple via i.huffpost.com

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                Last Updated on October 14, 2020

                Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

                Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

                Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

                “Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

                It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

                You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

                Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

                Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

                Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

                1. Make a Gratitude List

                In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

                Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

                Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

                What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

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                The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

                Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

                2. Write in a Journal

                Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

                All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

                Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

                However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

                3. Meditate

                Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

                Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

                Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

                Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

                Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

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                Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

                Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

                4. Do Child’s Pose

                Yoga Outlet says:

                “Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

                When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

                It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

                To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

                Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

                   

                  Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

                  5. Try Positive Self-Talk

                  Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

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                  When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

                  Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

                  When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

                  When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

                  Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

                  6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

                  Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

                  You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

                  It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

                  Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

                  If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

                  7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

                  “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

                  If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

                  You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

                  When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

                  If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

                  Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

                  Final Thoughts

                  If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

                  Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

                  You can invest in yourself via self-care.

                  You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

                  More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

                  Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

                  Reference

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