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15 Don’ts that Happy Couples Follow

15 Don’ts that Happy Couples Follow
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A happy relationship is a myth.Truth is that to keep the ball running is painstakingly tough.The facade behind the Facebook posts,pictureuploads and smiling faces is something no one else knows except the two people involved in the ongoing tussle. All couples go through some hair-ripping and teeth clenching moments, but there are some happy couples who focus on some particular Don’ts.

Yes you heard it right, Don’ts and not Do’s.

These are some particular Don’ts that happy couples follow to keep the spark alive,each day.

1. They don’t keep count.

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    Happy couples never keep count of their duties.They are oblivious to their daily chores yet they are not stickler for rules. The once in a while slip ups are obvious and the other person lets it off. If one is watching the sports telecast, the other quietly does the laundry even when it’s not her turn. Likewise, if she’s late from work, she will be greeted by the warm smell of a freshly cooked dinner.

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    2. They don’t use the words “I or Me”.

    Happy couples love to engage in talk that covers both of them. When relating their experiences to people about certain things, they use the words “We” and “us” rather “I”, “me” or “myself”.Their togetherness quotient is reflected by the sheer pride they have while discussing their collective thoughts.There are opinions that may differ at times,but then they learn to agree to disagree and enjoy the differences.

    3. They don’t sleep over it.

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      However small the issue at hand is, happy couples don’t sleep over their fights.Rather than taking the problem to bed and prolonging it till next morning,they talk over it.Of course if one is angry they do need a breathing time to cool down and reflect on the harshness of their voices but then they eventually come around.

      4. They don’t count their chickens before they hatch.

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        Happy couples don’t expect all of their hopes to be fulfilled.They realize that they are in charge of their own happiness and not the other person.The wife realizes that it is her dream to go backpacking for the holidays not her husband’s so she saves up for it.The husband knows that he wants to see the Grand Prix but doesn’t want to when his wife is expecting. They realize that dreams are meant to be there, some come true, others don’t.

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        5. They don’t think about the problem, they talk.

        Lots of problems go unresolved when the couple keeps it inside.Most of the times the pent up is to avoid hurting the other person or to over aggravate the fight. Little do people realize that this results in tumultuous outcomes. Happy couples don’t keep their hassles inside, they vent it out.Of course the result might not always be great and may hurt the other person, but for the sake of a fruitful relationship,it’s vital.

        6. They don’t argue, they discuss.

        Fights are an inevitable part of a relationship and we know that. If you are not fighting there must be something wrong with the way you two behave with each other. Tiny differences are allowed for the loving make up sessions that follow. Happy couples have a trend of keeping it low when they fight, instead of arguing with each other, they reason and see the other side of the story.Of course at times it’s difficult to listen to the other person’s outbursts but they still do.

        7. They don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

        Happy couples stay away from the melodrama and underplay their issues.They learn eventually to avoid noticing the mistakes that their partner has made and focus on the positives sides.The wife ignores that her husband missed helping her with the laundry as he was talking with his friend over the phone.The husband eats the half baked cake anyways as he knows the wife had too much work on her hands.

        8. They don’t cheat,they express honestly.

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          Life is too short for lies especially with the person with whom you are supposed to grow old with. Sharing a roof, they are going to find out about it eventually.Happy couples keep the cheating stuff off the table.They don’t cheat their partner in anything, may it involve a mere phone call or planning for a trip. Being blatant is way better than lying only to break your promise at a later date. At the unfortunate event of the marriage not going anywhere, they tell their partners up front rather than date another person simultaneously.

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          9. They don’t procrastinate.

          They deal with things or chores before they get too ugly. Whether it is about doing the dishes, booking the movie tickets, planning for a trip or discussing about the expenses, they prefer to do it right away when the thought is fresh in their minds. Also delaying the tasks at hand might be offending to the other person.

          10. They don’t play the family card.

          Happy couples have two simple rules concerning family. They don’t drag the family into fights and they don’t compare one another to their family members. Fights are concerning both and they remain confined within the four walls of the room. Happy couple’s families are blissfully unaware of the problems. Neither do they use statements like “Why don’t you cook the food the way my mother does?”.

          11. They don’t use the self-pity trick.

          Happy couples recognize that self pity and self loathing gets you nowhere. Instead you are despised by the other person.In the event of a fight, happy couples never say things like “You are so cruel to me” or “”What did I do to deserve this?”. At times their emotions get the better of them, but they still try to keep it subtle by changing the topic or asking the other person calmly what made them react this way.

          12. They don’t cling on,they give space.

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            Happy couples love doing things together that they enjoy. But they recognize that they both need individual moments of glory, too. There are some things that you enjoy that they other person doesn’t. Instead of clinging on and coaxing the other person to do what you want, you have to encourage your partner to do what they want.People in a happy relationship don’t give up their dreams, neither do they let the other person forget theirs.

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            13. They don’t always have their way.

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              Happy couples recognize that in relationships sometimes you need to think more about the other person than about yourself. They focus on giving rather than receiving. As a result the other person always feels comforted that his or her interests and thoughts matter.

              14. They don’t find life OK, they find it awesome.

              Happy couples always have something to look forward to .Of course life does get monotonous at times but they pep it up with surprises, vacations and friday nights.When questioned by others how life in general is they always say “It’s Rocking”.

              15. They don’t stop trying.

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                Everyone goes through a rough patch but happy couples really know how to pull it all together.Maybe they are having endless discussions without reaching a solution.Maybe they are not agreeing on the new school that their daughter is about to join. Or maybe their work lifes are driving them crazy. But they never stop trying to find compromises.

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                Lastly, happy couples are normal couples. They are not celebrities whose everyday life is a movie. Happy couples are the ones who survive the tiring days, the endless house work,the non stop cooking sessions, the hectic weekdays and the lazy weekends.While they are running to their workplaces, doing the dishes, vacuuming the house and refueling the car, they still find time to celebrate their love.

                Featured photo credit: Happy Couple via i.huffpost.com

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                Last Updated on July 20, 2021

                How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

                How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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                You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

                Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

                Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

                Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

                1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

                According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

                “Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

                Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

                Warming up

                If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

                If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

                Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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                1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
                2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
                3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

                Stay hydrated

                Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

                To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

                Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

                Meditate

                Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

                Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

                Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

                Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

                2. Focus on your goal

                One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

                Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

                Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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                Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

                If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

                3. Convert negativity to positivity

                There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

                ‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

                It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

                Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

                Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

                Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

                4. Understand your content

                Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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                However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

                “No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

                Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

                Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

                One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

                5. Practice makes perfect

                Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

                In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

                Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

                6. Be authentic

                There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

                Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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                Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

                To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

                With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

                Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

                7. Post speech evaluation

                Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

                Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

                We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

                You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

                Improve your next speech

                As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

                Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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                • How did I do?
                • Are there any areas for improvement?
                • Did I sound or look stressed?
                • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
                • Was I saying “um” too often?
                • How was the flow of the speech?

                Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

                If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

                Reference

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