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15 Beliefs Happy Couples Hold

15 Beliefs Happy Couples Hold

We’ve all known that one couple that seems to have it all: the couple that still looks at each other with a sparkle in their eyes, and who you can tell are truly happy together. My grandparents have been married for over 50 years. Every time my grandma leaves the room my grandpa comments to me about how lucky he is to have her. Their happiness is what I strive for in my relationship. Any long lasting happy couple has been through thick and thin together, and has outlasted the hard times. Having a happy and working relationship doesn’t come without effort. These 15 beliefs of happy couples don’t just apply to marriage. It applies to any romantic relationship that’s worth fighting for.

1. They believe that communication is key

Communication is hard work, but it is an essential part of any relationship. When you are able to communicate openly and effectively with your significant other it leads to growth in your relationship. Keeping emotions or concerns bottled up because you haven’t learned how to communicate with each other will only damage the relationship. Communication is the first step to a lasting relationship.

2. They believe it’s good for their partner to change

Life is all about changes, so why would you expect your partner to stay the same? Change is good for a relationship, it helps you grow together. Don’t be afraid if you see your partner changing, instead accept and learn with the changes. Happy couples grow stronger through personal changes. Something that once made your partner mad, might one day make them smile, and that’s just how life goes. So roll with the changes, don’t turn away from them.

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3. We’re only human. Mistakes happen, and so do arguments

Neither one of you is perfect, and mistakes are going to happen. Happy couples understand that, and they know there’s a difference between having an argument about it, and having a fight about it. Arguments are normal in any relationship, but it’s the way the arguments are handled that matters. Happy couples talk about the problem instead of placing blame, intentionally trying to hurt the other person, or being vengeful.

4. Honesty is the best policy

We’ve all heard this one before – but it’s the glue to any long term relationship. There’s no good reason to hide something from your partner. Being open and honest will bring you closer as a couple. Lying and keeping secrets from them will only tear you apart. Plus, you should be able to tell your partner anything without them judging you. When something goes wrong, just stick to the truth.

5. They are best friends

A study done by the National Bureau of Economic Research, found that one of the keys to a happy marriage is having your best friend as your spouse. Happy couples share everything with each other, they spend a lot of time together, and they truly enjoy each others’ company.

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6. They believe in having fun together

Relationships might be a constant work in progress, but what’s the point if you can’t have fun? Happy couples believe in the importance of having fun together. Life is too serious to not stop and have some fun together. Make sure to spend some time laughing and trying new things together. Make memories together that you will be happy to look back on later.

7. They believe in the importance of sex

Sex is important to a happy relationship. Happy couples don’t withhold physical attention from each other, especially as a punishment. They talk about sex openly with each other and without criticism from the other. Happy couples have sex often and regularly, and both people participate equally. No matter how busy your life becomes, there’s always time for sex.

8. They believe in putting each other first

Friends, family, work, school, children, sports, so on and so forth. There can be so many things that take up our day. No matter how many things are going on in their lives, happy couples always put each other first. They don’t neglect each other because something else comes up. They make time for each other, and do little things to show the other how much they are appreciated.

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9. They believe in alone time

Happy couples enjoy spending time together. However they know the importance of having some alone time as well. Alone time can help keep you sane, and help keep your relationship strong. Reflection is an important aspect of personal growth, and you can’t reflect on yourself if you are constantly with someone else.

10. They believe in being realistic and living INSIDE their means

Money is one of the most common things couples argue about. This is especially true if one person is less realistic about their money situation. Being realistic and having the ability to live inside of their means is another way happy couples have lasting relationships. Living outside of your means can cause unnecessary stress in the relationship, so be open and communicate with each other about money and spending habits.

11. They share the same values

Whether it’s the importance of family, career, ambition, or something else, happy couples share similar goals and values in life. A couple can be of different religious backgrounds or cultural backgrounds and still have a happy relationship; as long as they have the same goals and values. If both individuals believe in the same thing it will help make the relationship stronger. When couples have different values in life, it can cause a divide. Happy couples push each other to reach their goals, while staying in line with their values.

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12. They respect each other

Respect is something that everyone strives for in life, and often times you have to earn it. Happy couples have a mutual respect for each other. This isn’t because they believe in everything each other says, but rather they have a love and understanding of the other person that is held above all else. They respect each other enough to agree to disagree on some issues, and there isn’t any hostility left over. If you don’t respect each other, then you’re in for a struggle.

13. They support each other

Happy couples know that when shit hits the fan, the other person will be there for them. They support each other to follow their dreams and believe wholeheartedly in their partner’s abilities. When things get rocky, or something devastating happens, there’s no question – their partner will be there for them. They can count on each other to be the support they need to get through anything.

14. They believe in the importance of having your own life

Happy couples aren’t attached at the hip. They spend a lot of time together because they want to, but they also have their own life. One person’s passions or hobbies may be extremely different than the others, and that’s okay. It’s those differences that made you fall in love with them, and are what keeps you amazed by them. Happy couples support the differences they have. Having your own life keeps you interesting to your partner.

15. They believe that a happy relationship takes work

A worthwhile relationship isn’t always sunshine and roses. It takes work to make a relationship last. Any happy couple understands that at times their partner is going to annoy them, anger them, disappoint them, and frustrate them. People make mistakes and your partner is only human. It’s your ability to get past those feelings and communicate openly and honestly that will lead to a happier and more fulfilling relationship. Happy couples cherish each other and work through the hard times – they don’t just give up.

Featured photo credit: happy couple via i.ytimg.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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