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15 Beliefs Happy Couples Hold

15 Beliefs Happy Couples Hold

We’ve all known that one couple that seems to have it all: the couple that still looks at each other with a sparkle in their eyes, and who you can tell are truly happy together. My grandparents have been married for over 50 years. Every time my grandma leaves the room my grandpa comments to me about how lucky he is to have her. Their happiness is what I strive for in my relationship. Any long lasting happy couple has been through thick and thin together, and has outlasted the hard times. Having a happy and working relationship doesn’t come without effort. These 15 beliefs of happy couples don’t just apply to marriage. It applies to any romantic relationship that’s worth fighting for.

1. They believe that communication is key

Communication is hard work, but it is an essential part of any relationship. When you are able to communicate openly and effectively with your significant other it leads to growth in your relationship. Keeping emotions or concerns bottled up because you haven’t learned how to communicate with each other will only damage the relationship. Communication is the first step to a lasting relationship.

2. They believe it’s good for their partner to change

Life is all about changes, so why would you expect your partner to stay the same? Change is good for a relationship, it helps you grow together. Don’t be afraid if you see your partner changing, instead accept and learn with the changes. Happy couples grow stronger through personal changes. Something that once made your partner mad, might one day make them smile, and that’s just how life goes. So roll with the changes, don’t turn away from them.

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3. We’re only human. Mistakes happen, and so do arguments

Neither one of you is perfect, and mistakes are going to happen. Happy couples understand that, and they know there’s a difference between having an argument about it, and having a fight about it. Arguments are normal in any relationship, but it’s the way the arguments are handled that matters. Happy couples talk about the problem instead of placing blame, intentionally trying to hurt the other person, or being vengeful.

4. Honesty is the best policy

We’ve all heard this one before – but it’s the glue to any long term relationship. There’s no good reason to hide something from your partner. Being open and honest will bring you closer as a couple. Lying and keeping secrets from them will only tear you apart. Plus, you should be able to tell your partner anything without them judging you. When something goes wrong, just stick to the truth.

5. They are best friends

A study done by the National Bureau of Economic Research, found that one of the keys to a happy marriage is having your best friend as your spouse. Happy couples share everything with each other, they spend a lot of time together, and they truly enjoy each others’ company.

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6. They believe in having fun together

Relationships might be a constant work in progress, but what’s the point if you can’t have fun? Happy couples believe in the importance of having fun together. Life is too serious to not stop and have some fun together. Make sure to spend some time laughing and trying new things together. Make memories together that you will be happy to look back on later.

7. They believe in the importance of sex

Sex is important to a happy relationship. Happy couples don’t withhold physical attention from each other, especially as a punishment. They talk about sex openly with each other and without criticism from the other. Happy couples have sex often and regularly, and both people participate equally. No matter how busy your life becomes, there’s always time for sex.

8. They believe in putting each other first

Friends, family, work, school, children, sports, so on and so forth. There can be so many things that take up our day. No matter how many things are going on in their lives, happy couples always put each other first. They don’t neglect each other because something else comes up. They make time for each other, and do little things to show the other how much they are appreciated.

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9. They believe in alone time

Happy couples enjoy spending time together. However they know the importance of having some alone time as well. Alone time can help keep you sane, and help keep your relationship strong. Reflection is an important aspect of personal growth, and you can’t reflect on yourself if you are constantly with someone else.

10. They believe in being realistic and living INSIDE their means

Money is one of the most common things couples argue about. This is especially true if one person is less realistic about their money situation. Being realistic and having the ability to live inside of their means is another way happy couples have lasting relationships. Living outside of your means can cause unnecessary stress in the relationship, so be open and communicate with each other about money and spending habits.

11. They share the same values

Whether it’s the importance of family, career, ambition, or something else, happy couples share similar goals and values in life. A couple can be of different religious backgrounds or cultural backgrounds and still have a happy relationship; as long as they have the same goals and values. If both individuals believe in the same thing it will help make the relationship stronger. When couples have different values in life, it can cause a divide. Happy couples push each other to reach their goals, while staying in line with their values.

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12. They respect each other

Respect is something that everyone strives for in life, and often times you have to earn it. Happy couples have a mutual respect for each other. This isn’t because they believe in everything each other says, but rather they have a love and understanding of the other person that is held above all else. They respect each other enough to agree to disagree on some issues, and there isn’t any hostility left over. If you don’t respect each other, then you’re in for a struggle.

13. They support each other

Happy couples know that when shit hits the fan, the other person will be there for them. They support each other to follow their dreams and believe wholeheartedly in their partner’s abilities. When things get rocky, or something devastating happens, there’s no question – their partner will be there for them. They can count on each other to be the support they need to get through anything.

14. They believe in the importance of having your own life

Happy couples aren’t attached at the hip. They spend a lot of time together because they want to, but they also have their own life. One person’s passions or hobbies may be extremely different than the others, and that’s okay. It’s those differences that made you fall in love with them, and are what keeps you amazed by them. Happy couples support the differences they have. Having your own life keeps you interesting to your partner.

15. They believe that a happy relationship takes work

A worthwhile relationship isn’t always sunshine and roses. It takes work to make a relationship last. Any happy couple understands that at times their partner is going to annoy them, anger them, disappoint them, and frustrate them. People make mistakes and your partner is only human. It’s your ability to get past those feelings and communicate openly and honestly that will lead to a happier and more fulfilling relationship. Happy couples cherish each other and work through the hard times – they don’t just give up.

Featured photo credit: happy couple via i.ytimg.com

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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