Sometimes it may feel like everyone but you is in a successful relationship. I promise you, you are not alone. Whether you are looking for love or are in a relationship but worry they may not be “the one”, it could be the times not right for you to be in a relationship.
Here are 12 reasons why a relationship might not be the best move for you right now.
1. You are a hot mess and need a savior.
You feel a void in your life and you want it filled. You love the excitement you feel at the beginning of a relationship and convince yourself you will be happy once you’re in a relationship.
The initial feelings in a relationship are short lived. Everything is shiny and new but once the newness wears off you are often left with holes in your apple pie sky.
Trying to fill a void in yourself with another person makes you vulnerable to getting involved with the wrong person. The only way you can fill a void in yourself is through fulfilling your own happiness.
Work on finding things you enjoy doing without a partner. Once you can fill your own void, you will be ready for a relationship.
2. You are addicted to being the hero.
You get involved with people who have issues. Maybe they are fresh out of a breakup or have other problems such as drugs or alcohol.
In the beginning, they rely on you and appreciate you. Your self-worth inflates with the attention. As they get better, they need you less and less and you begin to feel used.
Self-worth begins and ends within you. Relying on others for your worth puts you at risk of co-dependency. For a relationship to work, both you and your partner need to be emotionally healthy.
3. You have a habit of picking people who are wrong for you.
You pick the wrong type of people to get involved with. Your friends warn you but you assure them you know best. It’s different with you because you are the one that can change the person your friends are warning you about.
You won’t change them. Look within yourself to better understand why your choices are risky. It could be you’re subconsciously not ready for a real relationship so you pick people that will sabotage any chance of a lasting romance.
4. You still put pins in a voodoo doll that has a remarkable resemblance to your ex.
If you’re still fuming about something someone else did to you, it is not a good time to be in a new relationship.
Old lovers must remain in the past for a new love to have a chance. Not only will a new love get tired of hearing how you were wronged, but you are at risk of punishing your new love for something an old love did to you.
Fresh love means fresh start. You have to forgive an old flame and let it go before you can move forward. If you are still holding a grudge, it is not the time to be in a relationship.
5. You think you like him and her.
If you are questioning your sexual orientation you need to be honest with yourself before you can be in a relationship. Trying to be in a relationship because you are supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex is not only harmful to you but it will hurt your partner.
Happiness and fulfillment of life happens when you are true to your heart. You cannot be happy pretending to be someone you are not and a partner will always feel like something is missing.
6. Your clothes still smell like your ex.
If the scent of your ex is still lingering it is probably too soon to begin a new relationship. Put space between old and new relationships so that you can be emotionally healthy to start something new.
If you were with someone for a long time then it will take time to get to know yourself again. Starting a new relationship before you understand who you are is a bad idea.
If you’re already in a relationship and have doubts, it may be time to take a break until you sort out what you really want out of life and a relationship.
7. You’re not ready to tell a new friend how you accidentally spent a weekend in jail for indecent exposure when you were drunk and peed on the sidewalk.
If you’re not ready to fully disclose things about your life then you are probably not ready for a relationship. Relationships are built on trust and secrets hurt both you and your partner in the long run.
That doesn’t mean that you should be an open book before you know if you have a real connection with someone. Too much too soon can backfire.
The right time for disclosure is when both you and your partner express an interest in exploring the possibilities of a relationship. If you are already in a relationship and have things you are keeping secret it’s time to fess up. If you’re not ready, it may be time to break away until you are ready.
8. You have wanderlust and can’t imagine another winter in this sleepy town.
Maybe you feel a calling for new scenery or maybe a job transfer is on the horizon. If there is a possibility you may move in the next few years you should wait to have a relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner does not express excitement over the possibility of a move, you should have a serious discussion about your future. If you are not on the same page, cutting ties may be the best case scenario.
9. Your theme song is I’m so Lonesome I Could Cry.
Many people jump into a relationship because they don’t like being alone. This is no reason to start a relationship or to remain in one that isn’t right. Being in a relationship does not make a happier life and sometimes it does just the opposite. It’s important to love when you are ready, not because you are alone.
Lonely people tend to justify relationships that are not healthy for them or their partner.
10. You’re five year plan includes working your way from your cubicle to the penthouse.
Relationships are a full time job. If you are on a career fast track, realistically you may not have time for a relationship. Getting involved before you are ready will cause conflict within yourself and within your relationship.
Wait until you have time to spend on a relationship before diving into one. Things will happen the way they are supposed to and you will know when the time is right.
11. You want to keep your cake and eat it too.
If you are not ready to fully commit heart and soul to one person it’s not time. Too often we are not over past loves or are interested in two people at the same time.
If you are conflicted and still have feelings for someone, you should consider dating and developing friendships, but wait until you have resolved the conflicts in your heart before you commit to anyone. You’re indecisiveness should not be a reason to break another’s heart.
12. You want your Facebook status to read something other than “it’s complicated”.
All of your friends have found “the one” and you haven’t. This can make you feel pressured to find someone so you don’t feel like an outcast.
Many times, this sets up conditions for an unhealthy relationship by trying too hard to be in that relationship. It can also scare away someone you really care about.
You should be with someone because you enjoy being with that person. If you try too hard to have a relationship, your new partner may feel like you’re in it for the wrong reasons and bolt.
Relationships are hard work. If you are not in a place where you are emotionally secure in yourself and have the time to spend on a relationship it is probably not the right time in your life to be in one. Timing is everything and just because the time is not right at the moment, doesn’t mean it will always be that way.
When the time is right, the relationship will find you.
Featured photo credit: Image by Henning Mühlinghaus via flickr.com