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12 Reasons Why A Relationship Might Not Be The Right Move For You Right Now

12 Reasons Why A Relationship Might Not Be The Right Move For You Right Now

Sometimes it may feel like everyone but you is in a successful relationship. I promise you, you are not alone. Whether you are looking for love or are in a relationship but worry they may not be “the one”, it could be the times not right for you to be in a relationship.

Here are 12 reasons why a relationship might not be the best move for you right now.

1. You are a hot mess and need a savior.

You feel a void in your life and you want it filled. You love the excitement you feel at the beginning of a relationship and convince yourself you will be happy once you’re in a relationship.

The initial feelings in a relationship are short lived. Everything is shiny and new but once the newness wears off you are often left with holes in your apple pie sky.

Trying to fill a void in yourself with another person makes you vulnerable to getting involved with the wrong person. The only way you can fill a void in yourself is through fulfilling your own happiness.

Work on finding things you enjoy doing without a partner. Once you can fill your own void, you will be ready for a relationship.

2. You are addicted to being the hero.

You get involved with people who have issues. Maybe they are fresh out of a breakup or have other problems such as drugs or alcohol.
In the beginning, they rely on you and appreciate you. Your self-worth inflates with the attention. As they get better, they need you less and less and you begin to feel used.

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Self-worth begins and ends within you. Relying on others for your worth puts you at risk of co-dependency. For a relationship to work, both you and your partner need to be emotionally healthy.

3. You have a habit of picking people who are wrong for you.

You pick the wrong type of people to get involved with. Your friends warn you but you assure them you know best. It’s different with you because you are the one that can change the person your friends are warning you about.

You won’t change them. Look within yourself to better understand why your choices are risky. It could be you’re subconsciously not ready for a real relationship so you pick people that will sabotage any chance of a lasting romance.

4. You still put pins in a voodoo doll that has a remarkable resemblance to your ex.

If you’re still fuming about something someone else did to you, it is not a good time to be in a new relationship.

Old lovers must remain in the past for a new love to have a chance. Not only will a new love get tired of hearing how you were wronged, but you are at risk of punishing your new love for something an old love did to you.

Fresh love means fresh start. You have to forgive an old flame and let it go before you can move forward. If you are still holding a grudge, it is not the time to be in a relationship.

5. You think you like him and her.

If you are questioning your sexual orientation you need to be honest with yourself before you can be in a relationship. Trying to be in a relationship because you are supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex is not only harmful to you but it will hurt your partner.

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Happiness and fulfillment of life happens when you are true to your heart. You cannot be happy pretending to be someone you are not and a partner will always feel like something is missing.

6. Your clothes still smell like your ex.

If the scent of your ex is still lingering it is probably too soon to begin a new relationship. Put space between old and new relationships so that you can be emotionally healthy to start something new.

If you were with someone for a long time then it will take time to get to know yourself again. Starting a new relationship before you understand who you are is a bad idea.

If you’re already in a relationship and have doubts, it may be time to take a break until you sort out what you really want out of life and a relationship.

7. You’re not ready to tell a new friend how you accidentally spent a weekend in jail for indecent exposure when you were drunk and peed on the sidewalk.

If you’re not ready to fully disclose things about your life then you are probably not ready for a relationship. Relationships are built on trust and secrets hurt both you and your partner in the long run.

That doesn’t mean that you should be an open book before you know if you have a real connection with someone. Too much too soon can backfire.

The right time for disclosure is when both you and your partner express an interest in exploring the possibilities of a relationship. If you are already in a relationship and have things you are keeping secret it’s time to fess up. If you’re not ready, it may be time to break away until you are ready.

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8. You have wanderlust and can’t imagine another winter in this sleepy town.

Maybe you feel a calling for new scenery or maybe a job transfer is on the horizon. If there is a possibility you may move in the next few years you should wait to have a relationship.

If you’re in a relationship and your partner does not express excitement over the possibility of a move, you should have a serious discussion about your future. If you are not on the same page, cutting ties may be the best case scenario.

9. Your theme song is I’m so Lonesome I Could Cry.

Many people jump into a relationship because they don’t like being alone. This is no reason to start a relationship or to remain in one that isn’t right. Being in a relationship does not make a happier life and sometimes it does just the opposite. It’s important to love when you are ready, not because you are alone.

Lonely people tend to justify relationships that are not healthy for them or their partner.

10. You’re five year plan includes working your way from your cubicle to the penthouse.

Relationships are a full time job. If you are on a career fast track, realistically you may not have time for a relationship. Getting involved before you are ready will cause conflict within yourself and within your relationship.

Wait until you have time to spend on a relationship before diving into one. Things will happen the way they are supposed to and you will know when the time is right.

11. You want to keep your cake and eat it too.

If you are not ready to fully commit heart and soul to one person it’s not time. Too often we are not over past loves or are interested in two people at the same time.

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If you are conflicted and still have feelings for someone, you should consider dating and developing friendships, but wait until you have resolved the conflicts in your heart before you commit to anyone. You’re indecisiveness should not be a reason to break another’s heart.

12. You want your Facebook status to read something other than “it’s complicated”.

All of your friends have found “the one” and you haven’t. This can make you feel pressured to find someone so you don’t feel like an outcast.

Many times, this sets up conditions for an unhealthy relationship by trying too hard to be in that relationship. It can also scare away someone you really care about.

You should be with someone because you enjoy being with that person. If you try too hard to have a relationship, your new partner may feel like you’re in it for the wrong reasons and bolt.

Relationships are hard work. If you are not in a place where you are emotionally secure in yourself and have the time to spend on a relationship it is probably not the right time in your life to be in one. Timing is everything and just because the time is not right at the moment, doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

When the time is right, the relationship will find you.

Featured photo credit: Image by Henning Mühlinghaus via flickr.com

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Missy Yost

Missy is a business owner and writes about everyday lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Published on May 18, 2021

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.

The workplace of the 21st century may not look the same as it did before COVID-19 spread throughout the world like wildfire, but that doesn’t mean you can relax your standards at work. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.

Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.

Effective communication isn’t just about speaking clearly or finding the appropriate choice of words. It starts with intentional listening and being present. Here’s how to improve your listening skills for effective workplace communication.

Listen to Understand, Not to Speak

There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.[1]

Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? It’s a no-brainer.

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Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. And just because you heard something doesn’t mean you actually understood it.

We take this for granted daily, but that doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.

Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival. And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing.

A classic example of this is the formation of memories. Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, 2014? For most of you reading this article, your mind will go completely blank, which isn’t necessarily bad.

The brain is far too efficient to retain every detail about every event that happens in your life, mainly because many events that occur aren’t always that important. The brain doesn’t—and shouldn’t—care what you ate for lunch three weeks ago or what color shirt you wore golfing last month. But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd, 2014, this date probably holds some sort of significance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life.

Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations. When the brain’s emotional centers become activated, the brain is far more likely to remember an event.[2] And this is also true when intention and focus are applied to listening to a conversation.

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Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively.

Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers. Time to kiss those note-taking days away!

Effective Communication Isn’t Always Through Words

While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to.[3]

Body language can play a significant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved.[4] When someone tells you one thing, yet their body language screams something completely different, it’s challenging to let that go. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand. And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something.

These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in. The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these signals to improve your listening skills and your communication skills.

Our brains were designed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.

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Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? Which statements aren’t aligning with what they’re really trying to tell me? How should I interpret their words and body language?

Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. This happens because our brain’s primary focus is to string together words and phrases for verbal communication, which usually requires a higher level of processing. This doesn’t mean that body language will always tell the truth, but it does provide clues to help us weigh information, which can be pretty beneficial in the long run.

Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is deeply ingrained into our human fabric and utilizes similar methods babies use while learning new skills from their parents’ traits during the early years of development.

Mirroring a person’s posture or stance can create a subtle bond, facilitating a sense of feeling like one another. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons.[5] These particular neurons become activated while watching an individual engage in an activity or task, facilitating learning, queuing, and understanding. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.

Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make your colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation.

Eliminate All Distractions, Once and for All

As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

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This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their emails. We’re stuck in a cultural norm that has hijacked our love for the addictive dopamine rush and altered our ability to truly focus our efforts on the task at hand. And these distractions aren’t just distractions for the time they’re being used. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track.

Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption.[6] Yes, you read that correctly—distractions are costly, error-prone, and yield little to no benefit outside of a bump to the ego when receiving a new like on your social media profile.

Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and email prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.

These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills.

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Choose your words carefully, listen intently, and most of all, be present in the moment—because that’s what master communicators do, and you can do it, too!

More Tips Improving Listening Skills

Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.com

Reference

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