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12 Obvious Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship

12 Obvious Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship

In today’s society, its hard to tell whether or not you and your significant are in the right relationship. With 6 billion people walking the face of this earth, its not too uncommon to wonder if he/she is the one for you. Lets take a look at some of the signs to tell if they are the right one for you!

1. You Have a Mutual Understanding

If you, and your partner are both on the same page in your relationship, this is a good sign that they are the right one for you.

What I mean by this is that if you and your partner both have the same goals in the relationship (i.e. marriage, kids, living together, etc.) and there is no confusion about it, you are in a really good place! There is nothing worse than going into a relationship thinking that things are serious between you two, but your partner doesn’t feel the same way just yet.

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2. You Don’t Play Games

If you and your partner naturally avoid playing games with each other (and no, I am not talking about monopoly), then you are probably in the right relationship. If your partner makes a habit out of trying to make you jealous, or to lead you on for nothing, they are probably not the one for you. That just means that their heart isn’t in the relationship, and that they are probably just looking for a way out, without having to be the one to end it.

3. You Communicate

I can not stress this one enough! If there is a lack of constant honest, clear communication then you are probably not in the right relationship. You cannot start a relationship off of lies, and secrets, especially if they are secrets that you are worried about your partner learning about. If they don’t like what they have to hear in the beginning, then at least you know beforehand. If you are honest in the beginning, it can instill a sense of trustworthiness between the two of you, and that can create a stronger bond between you two.

4. You Don’t Expect Perfection

If you expect your partner to be god-sent, you are probably not in the right relationship.  You have to remember that they are a human being and humans are hard wired to mess up every now, and again. If you learn to love, and cherish the flaws that make your partner who they are, then you can be rest assured that you are in the right relationship. Just remember this, “Pobodys Nerfect”.

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5. You Give Each Other Space

If you and your partner understand the value of personal time away from each other, then you are probably in the right relationship. As much as you thought you guys would just love to spend every waking moment with each other when you were first together, you know that it’s probably not true now, if you are more long term. Give yourself and your partner time to miss each other.

6. You Work Things Out

If you are like any normal couple, you have probably gotten into a fight or two by now. If you guys have been able to work them out pretty easily, you are probably in the right relationship. It’s important not to hold grudges over these fights, because chances are they aren’t that big of a deal. If you or your partner are the ones to always threaten to leave, and storm out during a fight, it’s probably not the right relationship for you.

7. You Support Each Other’s Goals

If your partner allows you to follow your goals, and dreams, and supports you no matter what, you are in the perfect relationship.  You have to understand, that it’s not about always making them happy, especially if you have to sacrifice your happiness.  You should be able to achieve your goals, without it affecting your relationship.

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8. You Don’t Let Others Affect You Negatively

If you and your partner can function normally in your relationship without letting other people’s opinions affecting either of you, then you’re probably in the right relationship. With people oversharing their lives and opinions on social media, having a common positive outlook on your relationship, without allowing anyone else’s two-cents to be come an issue, is a really good sign that you were meant to be.

9. You Respect Each Others Feelings

As you would hope your partner would respect your feelings, you should also do the same, and if you both do this, you are probably in the right relationship. I’m not saying you always have to agree, but there has to be a mutual respect on how you both feel, even if you don’t agree.

10. You Compromise

If you and your partner can compromise on disagreements, then you are probably in the right relationship. If every time there is a disagreement about anything, and you end up arguing over who is right, and who is wrong, then it might be something you should work on or a telltale sign that you might not be a match.

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11. You Get Along With Each Other’s Families

If you and your partner’s families can accept one another, that is almost a sure sign you are in the right relationship. If your parents have a bad feeling about your partner, it’s usually not because they want you to be unhappy, it’s for a good reason, and you should probably listen to them.

12. You Don’t Let The Spark Die Out

Every new relationship has this magical, special feeling when you first start out. If you and your partner still make it a habit to try and surprise each other, and make each other feel special, then you are most certainly in the right relationship. You are going to go through a lot in the course of your relationship together, and you should make sure you guys remind one another as much as possible how much you love and cherish each other!

Featured photo credit: lifehack.org via lifehack.org

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Michael Daws

Aircraft Painter, Sports & Lifestyle Blogger

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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