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12 Important Life Lessons I’ve Learnt After A BreaK Up

12 Important Life Lessons I’ve Learnt After A BreaK Up

Breakup is hard, but its lessons are enlightening. That is the beauty of life – you always find a truth in paradox.

1. Actually, it’s not about them

It’s about us. Break up exposes lots of insecurities that have been residing inside us. Once you make an effort to tackle your inside babies, you actually realize breakup is all about us – not about them. It gives you scope for personal growth and makes you a lot stronger as an individual. However, never repeat the same mistakes again.

2. You lose in heart, but you gain in soul

Break up is devastating and heart wrenching. Nevertheless, like every failure – you may lose in heart, but you gain in soul. You will be much more convincing as an individual and learn to deal with the melancholy of life with dignity. It gives you enormous strength to face life, even if it hits you hard. After all, you survived a breakup.

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3. Breakup has a reason

We all know that every cloud has a silver lining; break up is not an exception too. As Steve Jobs said, you cannot connect the dots by seeing forward, you can only connect dots by seeing backwards. So trust in life’s timing, you’ll surely find answers for all the predicaments of your life. All you have to do is just to wait with hope to find answers.

4. Resentment is stupid

Nothing is more dangerous than your unguarded thoughts. Resentment is common but if you let that occupy your consciousness – the result will be too horrible even to imagine. The heart with resentment that had been the victim of unrequited love is the reason behind most crimes. So be cautious of your thoughts. Invest in yourself and believe that, if it is not mutual – it is not love.

5. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

Thanks to Maya Angelou. You might have ignored what your partner has said, just to convince you enough to be in “love”. So, when people show you who they are, believe them. It saves a lot of time and aggravation. If you pay attention to someone’s actions, and not their words, you will see the real person. I’ve learned this lesson in a hard way but you don’t have to after reading this.

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6. I just loved the idea of being in love

I love being in love even when I’m not actually in love. I was craving for a secured person to fill up my empty heart by looking for love in all the wrong places. Mere attention, mixed signals would be enough for me to fall in love because I love being in “love”. Few breakups led me to realize this drawback. So withdraw from the temptation of being in love; if you are alone, it doesn’t mean you are ready for a relationship. Love yourself first – then give your heart to someone else.

7. There is life outside love

You might have set aside all the beauty of life chasing love. I’m not denying the importance of love but chasing at the expense of life will leave you clueless. Do not ever frantically search for love to make your life complete. First, live life consciously – love comes to you on its own and makes your life complete.

8. Blaming is immature

Blaming is a coping mechanism to feel better about ourselves to the extent of masking reality. Do not blame, your partner has taken the choice – accept it. Being responsible for the happenings is scary but being responsible is also a power that steers you towards enlightenment and thorough understanding of your inner self. So stop blaming and start taking the responsibility for your own good.

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9. Forgiving is strength

We all would love to show our greatness to our ex and make them lament over leaving us. I’ve passed this phase too. My question is, “Why?” Simply forgive them and move on, it’s a sign of strength. Forgiving is strength. Not everyone can forgive, it requires lots of courage and maturity to grow beyond silly manifestations of greatness. Trust me – you gain everything by forgiving them.

10. Never go back to your ex

Surviving a breakup is hard. We sometimes tend to feel so low that we call up our ex and share our feelings. However, do not do that – your ex is your ex for a reason and you should never want to poke the past expecting to ignite the flame of love again. It simply doesn’t happen. Moreover, it tells you a lot about you and your insecurities; clinging to the love that is unrequited makes you bitter. Remember you create your own reality.

11. Lessons learnt should be kept

Whenever life teaches us lessons, we tend to ignore them and repeat the patterns in our next encounters. The truth is, life goes on teaching you the same lesson if you repeat the same mistake. So keep the lessons and never repeat the mistake twice. If you do so, people consider your repeated mistakes as your behaviour and you will never move forward.

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12. None of these lessons would be learnt without a breakup

Break up is actually a blessing, its just a conspiracy of the universe to lead you to your soul mate. So, happy breakups folks till you find the One.

Featured photo credit: Tanner Almon via flickr.com

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KAMAL SUCHARAN BURRI

Founding Director, Newlight Cinemas

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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