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12 Important Life Lessons I’ve Learnt After A BreaK Up

12 Important Life Lessons I’ve Learnt After A BreaK Up

Breakup is hard, but its lessons are enlightening. That is the beauty of life – you always find a truth in paradox.

1. Actually, it’s not about them

It’s about us. Break up exposes lots of insecurities that have been residing inside us. Once you make an effort to tackle your inside babies, you actually realize breakup is all about us – not about them. It gives you scope for personal growth and makes you a lot stronger as an individual. However, never repeat the same mistakes again.

2. You lose in heart, but you gain in soul

Break up is devastating and heart wrenching. Nevertheless, like every failure – you may lose in heart, but you gain in soul. You will be much more convincing as an individual and learn to deal with the melancholy of life with dignity. It gives you enormous strength to face life, even if it hits you hard. After all, you survived a breakup.

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3. Breakup has a reason

We all know that every cloud has a silver lining; break up is not an exception too. As Steve Jobs said, you cannot connect the dots by seeing forward, you can only connect dots by seeing backwards. So trust in life’s timing, you’ll surely find answers for all the predicaments of your life. All you have to do is just to wait with hope to find answers.

4. Resentment is stupid

Nothing is more dangerous than your unguarded thoughts. Resentment is common but if you let that occupy your consciousness – the result will be too horrible even to imagine. The heart with resentment that had been the victim of unrequited love is the reason behind most crimes. So be cautious of your thoughts. Invest in yourself and believe that, if it is not mutual – it is not love.

5. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

Thanks to Maya Angelou. You might have ignored what your partner has said, just to convince you enough to be in “love”. So, when people show you who they are, believe them. It saves a lot of time and aggravation. If you pay attention to someone’s actions, and not their words, you will see the real person. I’ve learned this lesson in a hard way but you don’t have to after reading this.

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6. I just loved the idea of being in love

I love being in love even when I’m not actually in love. I was craving for a secured person to fill up my empty heart by looking for love in all the wrong places. Mere attention, mixed signals would be enough for me to fall in love because I love being in “love”. Few breakups led me to realize this drawback. So withdraw from the temptation of being in love; if you are alone, it doesn’t mean you are ready for a relationship. Love yourself first – then give your heart to someone else.

7. There is life outside love

You might have set aside all the beauty of life chasing love. I’m not denying the importance of love but chasing at the expense of life will leave you clueless. Do not ever frantically search for love to make your life complete. First, live life consciously – love comes to you on its own and makes your life complete.

8. Blaming is immature

Blaming is a coping mechanism to feel better about ourselves to the extent of masking reality. Do not blame, your partner has taken the choice – accept it. Being responsible for the happenings is scary but being responsible is also a power that steers you towards enlightenment and thorough understanding of your inner self. So stop blaming and start taking the responsibility for your own good.

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9. Forgiving is strength

We all would love to show our greatness to our ex and make them lament over leaving us. I’ve passed this phase too. My question is, “Why?” Simply forgive them and move on, it’s a sign of strength. Forgiving is strength. Not everyone can forgive, it requires lots of courage and maturity to grow beyond silly manifestations of greatness. Trust me – you gain everything by forgiving them.

10. Never go back to your ex

Surviving a breakup is hard. We sometimes tend to feel so low that we call up our ex and share our feelings. However, do not do that – your ex is your ex for a reason and you should never want to poke the past expecting to ignite the flame of love again. It simply doesn’t happen. Moreover, it tells you a lot about you and your insecurities; clinging to the love that is unrequited makes you bitter. Remember you create your own reality.

11. Lessons learnt should be kept

Whenever life teaches us lessons, we tend to ignore them and repeat the patterns in our next encounters. The truth is, life goes on teaching you the same lesson if you repeat the same mistake. So keep the lessons and never repeat the mistake twice. If you do so, people consider your repeated mistakes as your behaviour and you will never move forward.

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12. None of these lessons would be learnt without a breakup

Break up is actually a blessing, its just a conspiracy of the universe to lead you to your soul mate. So, happy breakups folks till you find the One.

Featured photo credit: Tanner Almon via flickr.com

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KAMAL SUCHARAN BURRI

Founding Director, Newlight Cinemas

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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