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11 Things That Happen When Your Partner Is Your Best Friend

11 Things That Happen When Your Partner Is Your Best Friend

Calling someone your partner sounds wonderful, but it becomes even more enjoyable when that person is also your best friend. I discovered the joy of sharing life with your best friend when I married mine. You can find this joy too. Here are 11 things that happen when your partner is your best friend.

1. When You Make Each Other Laugh.

Great friends know how to get giggles out of one another. Because you understand each other’s sense of humor, you enjoy bringing it out. Laughter lightens the worst of days. Best friends don’t laugh at each other, they laugh with one another. You may prefer slap-stick humor or embrace sarcasm as your love language. If you can laugh together, you can also face tough stuff together. Laughter bonds people in an excellent way. Having a shared sense of humor makes life more fun just because you’re with each other.

2. When You Cheer For Each Other.

We all need our own personal cheerleader. Having someone who believes the best in us helps us to aspire to bring out the best in ourselves. Real friends recognize our strengths, even when we don’t. They root for us and encourage us when we feel like pieces of litter crumpled on the street. A great friendship trades back and forth. When one feels down, the other lifts them up. You know your partner is your best friend when they know how to make you laugh so hard you find liquid bursting out your nose.

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3. When They Bring Out the Best In You And Vice Versa.

Some people spark parts of ourselves that we don’t enjoy catching on fire. Then, there are others. When we spend time with them, we feel better about ourselves. Something about their presence makes us want to be better people. If your partner brings out the best in you, you become kinder because of them. You act nicer. You like yourself. This is the sign of a best friend. Because you are friends, you also desire to bring out the best in them.

4. When The Friendship Isn’t About Me Or You, It’s About Us.

Have you ever found yourself starting all your sentences with, “I want,” or “I do,” or “I can?” There are people in our lives that bring out our insecurities. They make you feel as if you need to prove yourself each time you get together. As a result, you become self-focused and always hear the word, “I,” spewing from your mouth. We’ve all been around people like that. Those kinds of friendships don’t tend to last because they always lean one way. Best friends don’t just lean one way, they hold each other up. Being best friends involves teamwork, and as every coach on the planet always says, “There’s no ‘I’ in team.”

5. When You Share Your Inner Nerd, Geek, or Dork With Confidence.

We all have a nerd, geek or dork living inside us somewhere. Many of us hide this part of ourselves, because we fear rejection. It exists none the less. Maybe part of you secretly wishes you could go to Comic Con dressed as a superhero. Or maybe you have a secret fascination with the paintings of Manet. Or you regularly watch the weather channel hoping to observe the formation of a tornado. When you bravely reveal these pieces of yourself, you demonstrate how much you want to develop a closer friendship. If you find out that your partner accepts your hidden side, you will trust them more. You become more genuine. This real friendship draws you closer to one another.

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6. When Chores Aren’t A Chore.

Need to take out the garbage, clean the cat litter, or scrub down the car? Good friends come alongside to lend a helping hand. They don’t complain (unless it’s a joke). They see the need and help to fill the need. As you work together, you discover how much more happens when two tackle the task. And,occasionally you get the extra bonus of having fun while you work.

7. When You Become Totally Truthful. (in a kind way)

When a girl asks, “How do I look in this dress,” many men fear answering this question. Over time, if you’ve built a strong friendship, you can confidently tell her how the dress does or doesn’t bring out the best in her. Because of the genuine love and friendship that’s shared, this isn’t taken as the much-feared insult. It’s one friend confiding in another. When you build trust and respect, you get completely honest with your best friend. Because of kindness and caring, you do this gently. Friends rely on one another for this kind of honesty. After all, who else could point out the spinach caught between your teeth and still make you feel like a million bucks?

8. When Germs Cannot Separate You.

Flu, we don’t like you. This applies to the common cold and many other illnesses too. Bacteria make us feel uncomfortable,even fearful. We wonder if they will leap from one person to another and land firmly on us. No one wants the germs to spread, but when the sick one is your best friend, you’ll take that chance. You’ll bring soup, read books, watch movies, and clean dishes. You’ll get them tissues or whatever it is they need. They matter so much that you’ll risk catching an illness. That’s what best friends do.

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9. When You Fall Fearlessly.

Some of the worst injuries to skiers happen because they fear falling. They fight the fall and end up hurting themselves more as a result. Life is full of times where we fear falling. We fear failure. We fear disappointing ourselves or others. We fear the unexpected. When your partner is your best friend, you know they want to catch you if you fall. You also want to help them. If, for some reason, you cannot save each other, you can at least help one another to get up and try again. This gives you confidence. It’s the sign of a great friendship.

10. When You Want To Listen More Than To Talk.

Most people prefer talking over listening. We long to be heard. And yet, a best friend doesn’t focus only on their own words. They enjoy learning more about their friend. We’ve been given two ears and one mouth, which implies that one should be used twice as much as the other. A best friend longs to listen more than to speak, because everything you hear is something you value. You really care about how your partner’s day progressed. You want to know what they prefer to do when they find time to rest. When your partner is your best friend, you become better at listening than talking. Eventually, you get to share your story too, because your partner also listens.

11. When You Embrace The Power Of Forgiveness.

No one achieves everything on this list all the time. We all falter. As you discover these strengths within yourself and your partner, there will still be days when you fail. They will also fail. The best of friends do enjoy great fun together, but they also suffer through failure together. You continue to be great friends when you develop the skill and power found in forgiveness. When you realize your limits and accept the limits of your partner, you become kinder and more compassionate. This is the real glue of any friendship. No partnership will be complete without it.

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“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard

Do you know other things that happen when your partner is your best friend? Share them in the comments.

Featured photo credit: pair_of_pears/hotblack via cdn.morguefile.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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