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10 Ways To Let Go Of The Lies You’ve Been Telling Yourself

10 Ways To Let Go Of The Lies You’ve Been Telling Yourself

We all lie to ourselves. Every day. President Obama, Billy Graham, Harrison Ford, Oprah, me, you. Yes, even you.

We all lie to ourselves. Let me show you:

  • Your boss asks you to change the way you do something at work. Your first instinct is to conclude you aren’t good at your job.
  • Your daughter cries because you are not able to take her to her friend’s house and she has to stay home. Something whispers to you that you really are a bad parent.
  • Your sweetheart is withdrawn and distant lately and you are wondering what you did to make them angry with you. You just know it’s your fault.

As famed life coach Tony Robbins claims, “It’s not the situation, it’s the meaning we give it that makes all the difference.” And that meaning, if more negative than positive, can destroy your self-confidence, your courage and your relationships. This is big-time, life-changing stuff I’m talking about here.

Let’s narrow it down into the simplest of pictures. Did you know that every lie we hold within our hearts about ourselves fits underneath the umbrella of these two statements: “I am not enough. And if I am not enough, I will not be loved.”

So how do you reveal and then let go of the lies you’ve been telling yourself? (And – good news – change your life forever with the truth!) Here are 10 ways:

1. Let go by listening to what your body and your head are telling you.

When the lies are talking, you will know because you will feel a tension growing somewhere in the region of your stomach. Your jaw will tighten and you will find yourself becoming defensive in the middle of whatever is happening at the moment.

This is when you must back up and ask the major question, “Why am I reacting like this?”

You will hear statements such as, “I am an idiot,” or “This is just like the last time,” or “I may as well give up!”

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2. Let go by confronting what you hear head on – don’t hide.

When the lies raise their ugly heads, you automatically respond.

Most of us run from them by giving ourselves a treat. It may be your favorite drink, a festival of sugar, a few too many hours of escape into movies or a book. Oprah’s favorite, as we have all heard her talk about, was eating everything and anything and calling it comfort food.

The secret here is to observe yourself. What is happening? Where do I hide so I will feel better when I feel guilty or inadequate?

Confronting means to figure out the secret plan your heart is using to avoid things. So face it – bravely.

3. Let go by honestly asking yourself the tough questions.

They are called tough questions because that’s what they are. Tough. To face them requires courage.

Don’t mess around. Cut right to the root. Ask yourself, “Do I believe I am enough? Do I have what it takes?” Secondly, ask, “Am I afraid I won’t be loved (or applauded/appreciated/valued)?” If you don’t like the answers to these questions, then don’t stop there.

Freedom is wrapped up in the ‘why’ you would come to that conclusion. There will be two or three incidents in your past, maybe as far back as preschool or early elementary school. These left you with the conclusion that you were not enough and so you are most likely unlovable.

Every hurtful obstacle after that reinforced this by driving this idea in deeper and deeper. It’s like a furrow was being dug in your mind.

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However, there’s hope! It lies in the destruction of the root and in shushing the lies. It means digging a new furrow.

4. Let go by becoming your own greatest ally, best friend and confidante.

Deep in your heart you want someone to affirm that you are enough, that you are lovable and are loved. But, even if you find 10 people who tell you these things over and over and mean it, you won’t believe them because you don’t believe for yourself. Ironic, isn’t it? They offer what you need and you reject it.

So, you must make friends with ‘you.’ Become your own partner and cheerleader. You must be the first to be consistently there for yourself through thick and thin. You must be the one to promise to do everything possible to care for and to guard your vulnerable, soft underbelly. After all, who would understand who you are better than you?

5. Let go by enjoying a hot air balloon ride up above the road map of your life.

Seeing only what is in front of you can make the moment seem as if it’s going to last forever. I like the imaginative picture of climbing into a hot air balloon and letting yourself gently lift up high above the spot on the path where you are. It’s so quiet up there.

Look around. You can see forever!

Imagine the bird’s eye view of the path before and the path to come. And all sorts of beautiful areas around it not seen from the ground.

While you are up there, mark a giant X on the places where those incidents happened that left you with your false conclusions. This will remind you from here on in of why you believe what you do about yourself.

Now look to the road ahead. From way up here, you can set the course for the future. Feel excited about that!

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6. Let go by determining to focus on building your strengths not your weaknesses.

Counteract the lies by recognizing all that you are instead of focusing on all that you are not.

I am not a great cook or seamstress, but once I learned to tell myself, “That’s OK. I have strengths in other areas,” I began to grow those other places instead. It no longer mattered that I couldn’t do everything well. You can become great at what you love to do. Simply put, those are your strengths.

7. Let go by standing tall, shoulders back, eyes straight ahead.

As silly as it may seem, how you hold your body matters. Remember the tension that comes when the lies are talking? Zoom in right now on your shoulders. Are they slumped just a little as you are reading this?

Try this: Pull yourself up tall, shoulders back. Lift your chin a bit as if you had the confidence of a warrior or strong leader or a princess. Now say, “I am enough and I will figure this out.”

Something feels different right away. You have just experienced an easy but important first step in resisting the lies you tell yourself.

8. Let go by looking those lies right in the eye and telling them to go sit in the corner and eat a cookie.

You will hear the lies every time you perceive you are being criticized or rejected. I am truly sorry to tell you this but they are part of life and they will never go away completely.

That being said, the upside is that you can learn to tell them who’s boss. I have begun to picture them as little, blue, hairy cartoon characters who are prattling on at the most inconvenient times. I just say to them, “Yes, I hear you but I am too busy to listen right now. Go over there in the corner and eat a cookie. I’ll deal with you later.”

Then I go on with my day being the strong person I am and doing what I know I need to do.

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9. Let go by diminishing the need for significance and shifting your focus to growing and giving.

It’s all about focus. Is it most important to you that you are praised for what you do or that you are serving others around you out of the strength your difficulties have built into you?

Instead of worrying about what your boss is thinking, concentrate on how you can help them build their business to be the best.

Instead of stressing over whether or not you are a bad parent, reassure your child that you love them as high as the moon and you want to see them happy. Help them to understand that sometimes life disappoints us and how they can deal with that.

Instead of wondering if you have blown it again with the one you love, take a good look at your partner and ask yourself how you could bring a smile to their face today. Talk to them and listen to what’s truly going on.

Shift from it being all about you and let it be about serving others around you. The lies can actually build a rich compassion into you when you realize that everyone you meet is going through the same thing inside.

10. Let go by keeping your eyes and your feet moving forward – leave your past behind.

Your past does not define you no matter who left you or what someone did to you. What truly defines you is what you do from this moment on and how much you are willing to fall down and get back up again, wiser and deeper each time. Greatness comes from learning not from perfection.

Diminish the past to the size of a rear-view mirror in a vehicle. It’s there and you can see it, even check it for information, but to drive forward with your eyes riveted there would be disaster. Looking out the wide windshield, instead, will take you to the wild adventures of the fulfilled life. Not to mention the beautiful scenery and interesting surprises that are waiting to be discovered along the way.

Forgive, let go and be thankful for all that the past has taught you. Quiet down the lies to white noise in the background and replace them with the beautiful music of living focused on love and compassion instead.

How have you triumphed over those lies trying to hold you back from all you have to live? Please share in the comments below.

Featured photo credit: Image credit: zavulonya / 123RF Stock Photo via submit.123rf.com

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

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The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

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Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

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    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

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