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10 Truths You May Have Forgotten In Your Hard Times

10 Truths You May Have Forgotten In Your Hard Times

We all go through hard times – it’s called “life.” Some people have more hard times than others, but eventually, we all experience pain and loss. It could be the loss of a loved one, a job, a home, or your dignity. Whatever hard time you are going through, you might have lost sight of some of the very things that might help you make it through the rough waters. Here are 10 truths that you may have forgotten during your hard times:

1. Pain is part of life and love – it helps you grow.

Sure, we would all love to live a life that is free from pain. We all want to feel good and be happy at all moments. But as you know, this is not possible. But what is possible is having the choice of what you do with the pain. I have seen many people who go through unimaginable pain like losing a child or being diagnosed with a devastating disease who turn their pain into something positive. They teach others and spread light in the world as a result of their pain and sorrow. You can do the same thing, too.

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” -William Goldman

2. Mindset and attitude are half the battle.

Most of success lies in attitude and effort, and not in someone’s intelligence. This shows how important your thoughts are. You can re-frame almost any situation if you try hard enough. Remember this: It’s only a problem if you think it’s a problem.

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“A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” -Patricia Neal

3. Sometimes, your biggest fears are just illusions.

Many times, what we really fear is simply the unknown. We fear that we are not going to be able to cope with a tragedy that comes our way. Or we fear that we won’t know which direction to head if we are thrust into an unfamiliar situation. But as a wise friend once told me, “uncertainty breeds opportunity.” Embrace the fear and face it anyway.

FEAR is an acronym in the English language for False Evidence Appearing Real.” -Neale Donald Walsch

4. This “problem” is really a valuable growth opportunity.

You can grow from any experience if you chose to do so. Or, you can choose to be a victim and wallow in your disappointment and depression. The choice is yours. When we are the middle of hard times, it’s easy to forget this. It’s all about mental strength and attitude. Simply re-framing the situation will help you learn from it.

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“Turn your wounds into wisdom.”  -Oprah Winfrey

5. You can’t change any situation unless you take some responsibility for it.

It’s easy to blame others. But it’s not the mature thing to do. Yes, there ares some times when we are the unfortunate target of another person’s bad behavior. However, there are a lot of situations in life that you had a big part of creating. Whether it’s a bad relationship, a rotten job, or a bad investment, you had some participation in how it turned out. Look at what you can do differently and then take positive action.

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.” -Josiah Charles Stamp

6. All we have is NOW – the present.

So many people live the past. They yearn for their “glory days” or their youth. And yet other people live in the future. They think, “when I get that perfect job … or when I meet that perfect romantic partner … or when I get $10,000 saved up … then I will be happy.” But all you have is the present moment. Decide to be happy in the NOW because that is really all we ever have.

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“Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”  -Buddha

7. There is always something to be thankful for.

If you have a roof over your head, food on your table, and air in your lungs, you are a lucky person. You don’t have to be a super model or a millionaire to find something to be thankful for. Believe me, there is always someone else in the world who has it more difficult that you. So look at what you do have, not what you don’t have.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ it will be enough.”  -Meister Eckhart

8. Great things don’t happen overnight.

We live in a world where it seems like everyone becomes famous from a reality show or Youtube. But real success takes time. You have to keep plugging away, day after day. You can’t let rejection or setbacks stop you from reaching your destiny. Keep on the journey and you will get there at the right time.

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“Patience, persistance, and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.”  -Napoleon Hill

9. You need to validate yourself – don’t rely on other people to do it.

If you always look to other people to tell you that you are worthy, then you are going to be a miserable person. Let’s face it – many people are not kind. So why don’t you start working on your self-talk? Change negative thoughts into positive ones. Be your own biggest fan. Love yourself. It’s not conceit, it’s called inner peace.

“I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.”  -Mae West

10. You’re not alone.

Maybe you are going through something that no one can relate to. But even if you don’t have family or many friends, the internet is a fingertip away for most people. Go look for message boards or support groups on social media. There are always people out there somewhere who are wiling to help and give advice. Go find them if you don’t have support in your every day life.

“Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.” -Helen Keller

Hard times are not fun. But instead of letting yourself sink into a deep abyss of depression, try to train your brain to re-focus. It does take mental strength, but you can do it. That’s the best way to grow as a person.

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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