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10 Truths You May Have Forgotten In Your Hard Times

10 Truths You May Have Forgotten In Your Hard Times

We all go through hard times – it’s called “life.” Some people have more hard times than others, but eventually, we all experience pain and loss. It could be the loss of a loved one, a job, a home, or your dignity. Whatever hard time you are going through, you might have lost sight of some of the very things that might help you make it through the rough waters. Here are 10 truths that you may have forgotten during your hard times:

1. Pain is part of life and love – it helps you grow.

Sure, we would all love to live a life that is free from pain. We all want to feel good and be happy at all moments. But as you know, this is not possible. But what is possible is having the choice of what you do with the pain. I have seen many people who go through unimaginable pain like losing a child or being diagnosed with a devastating disease who turn their pain into something positive. They teach others and spread light in the world as a result of their pain and sorrow. You can do the same thing, too.

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” -William Goldman

2. Mindset and attitude are half the battle.

Most of success lies in attitude and effort, and not in someone’s intelligence. This shows how important your thoughts are. You can re-frame almost any situation if you try hard enough. Remember this: It’s only a problem if you think it’s a problem.

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“A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” -Patricia Neal

3. Sometimes, your biggest fears are just illusions.

Many times, what we really fear is simply the unknown. We fear that we are not going to be able to cope with a tragedy that comes our way. Or we fear that we won’t know which direction to head if we are thrust into an unfamiliar situation. But as a wise friend once told me, “uncertainty breeds opportunity.” Embrace the fear and face it anyway.

FEAR is an acronym in the English language for False Evidence Appearing Real.” -Neale Donald Walsch

4. This “problem” is really a valuable growth opportunity.

You can grow from any experience if you chose to do so. Or, you can choose to be a victim and wallow in your disappointment and depression. The choice is yours. When we are the middle of hard times, it’s easy to forget this. It’s all about mental strength and attitude. Simply re-framing the situation will help you learn from it.

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“Turn your wounds into wisdom.”  -Oprah Winfrey

5. You can’t change any situation unless you take some responsibility for it.

It’s easy to blame others. But it’s not the mature thing to do. Yes, there ares some times when we are the unfortunate target of another person’s bad behavior. However, there are a lot of situations in life that you had a big part of creating. Whether it’s a bad relationship, a rotten job, or a bad investment, you had some participation in how it turned out. Look at what you can do differently and then take positive action.

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.” -Josiah Charles Stamp

6. All we have is NOW – the present.

So many people live the past. They yearn for their “glory days” or their youth. And yet other people live in the future. They think, “when I get that perfect job … or when I meet that perfect romantic partner … or when I get $10,000 saved up … then I will be happy.” But all you have is the present moment. Decide to be happy in the NOW because that is really all we ever have.

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“Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”  -Buddha

7. There is always something to be thankful for.

If you have a roof over your head, food on your table, and air in your lungs, you are a lucky person. You don’t have to be a super model or a millionaire to find something to be thankful for. Believe me, there is always someone else in the world who has it more difficult that you. So look at what you do have, not what you don’t have.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ it will be enough.”  -Meister Eckhart

8. Great things don’t happen overnight.

We live in a world where it seems like everyone becomes famous from a reality show or Youtube. But real success takes time. You have to keep plugging away, day after day. You can’t let rejection or setbacks stop you from reaching your destiny. Keep on the journey and you will get there at the right time.

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“Patience, persistance, and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.”  -Napoleon Hill

9. You need to validate yourself – don’t rely on other people to do it.

If you always look to other people to tell you that you are worthy, then you are going to be a miserable person. Let’s face it – many people are not kind. So why don’t you start working on your self-talk? Change negative thoughts into positive ones. Be your own biggest fan. Love yourself. It’s not conceit, it’s called inner peace.

“I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.”  -Mae West

10. You’re not alone.

Maybe you are going through something that no one can relate to. But even if you don’t have family or many friends, the internet is a fingertip away for most people. Go look for message boards or support groups on social media. There are always people out there somewhere who are wiling to help and give advice. Go find them if you don’t have support in your every day life.

“Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.” -Helen Keller

Hard times are not fun. But instead of letting yourself sink into a deep abyss of depression, try to train your brain to re-focus. It does take mental strength, but you can do it. That’s the best way to grow as a person.

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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