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10 Things a Real Man Does When He’s in a Relationship

10 Things a Real Man Does When He’s in a Relationship

Some women feel a “Real Man” doesn’t exist—that he is impossible to find. Other women do not want someone like him. On the other hand, some men think they are the very definition of a “Real Man.” Other men feel there is no such thing. One thing is true, though: Those men who think they are the very definition of a “Real Man” and those who think they are not are both very often wrong.

If you want to know if you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, watch the actions. A real man behaves so different from the selfish frat boy types you see everywhere that you can’t fail to notice the difference. He is a gentleman—good for more than just the first few months. Importantly, a real man does things so well when he is in a relationship that you just have to love him and his style.

1. A real man loves and respects his woman for who she is.

He might not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not just her body, her possessions and her status, but all of her! He’s aware that as beautiful as her body is now, physical beauty fades. He therefore focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found within her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with dignity and respect. He doesn’t mind cooking her favorite meal, taking her out to wine and dine and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.

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2. A real man commits to the relationship fully.

He doesn’t cheat. He is loyal to his partner and knows that relationships take hard work to keep strong and healthy. His affection to his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and strengthens the relationship through ongoing, honest communication and team work. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust him. He will stay faithful no matter what and expects you to do the same.

3. A real man protects his partner physically and emotionally.

Not that a woman can’t protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyway. He protects her in different ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel everything will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if necessary to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure all details and specifics are in order. His moves are calculated, deliberate and assured. Abuse of any kind is never an issue when you are with him. He is considerate and treats everyone kindly.

4. A real man fulfills his partner mentally and sexually.

He knows the majority of time in any relationship is spent doing nonphysical, nonsexual things. Besides whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make hot, passionate love to her when he gets back home in the evening, he also engages her in meaningful discussions about life, plans with her for the future, and cracks jokes to lighten and liven moments together. He displays an awareness, intelligence and sensitivity that makes his actions not only timely, but also genuinely charming.

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5. A real man takes the first initiative—he leads.

That’s because he wears the pants in the relationship. Of course, the pants are picked out by his woman, but he is still the leader. He steps forward and addresses issues in the relationship boldly. He does not wait for the woman to solve problems. If he is not sure how to address an issue, he seeks help or advice. Some men play it safe and avoid taking the lead because they don’t want to be criticized, but not a real man. A real man says, “I’ll handle it,” and takes the initiative to solve the issue in his way.

6. A real man steps up and makes the tough decisions.

He knows real men are decisive and he makes decisions in the relationship. He does not leave every other decision to his partner. When making decisions, he seeks to understand her views (and that of other concerned parties) and is flexible enough to factor in those other views in his decisions. He does not seek to control people, but rather to improve their situation. If you are reluctant to make decisions, you are likely self-conscious and afraid of making mistakes. Women dislike indecisive, cowardly men.

7. A real man takes responsibility for his actions and decisions.

He does not shift blame (especially to his partner) or try to defend his mistakes. He simply acknowledges when he has made a mistake, apologizes for it, learns from it and works to make it right. Saying, “I am sorry,” is not a big deal to him. He knows it doesn’t make him any less of a man to say it. In fact, saying he’s sorry makes him more of a man because it demonstrates he has the confidence, courage and integrity to admit his faults and seek to correct them.

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8. A real man speaks his mind—always.

He is not afraid or timid to say what’s on his mind. He will say no without fear whenever he doesn’t agree with something. He will debate you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his cool. He will be straightforward and talk to you as an equal, then allow you to make your own conclusions or take whatever action you wish. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats women badly. He just doesn’t agree with her on everything. He knows a “Yes-man” is no man at all.

9. A real man stands up for the relationship.

Sometimes friends, family and even total strangers ask inappropriate questions or make inappropriate remarks about your relationship, such as saying you are not a “good couple.” In such cases, a real man stands up for himself and defends the legitimacy and integrity of his relationship. Even when he is among his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground in defense of his relationship. This proves he can express himself in the presence others, protect his woman and act like a grown man.

10. A real man pursues other passion(s) that don’t involve his partner.

He has enough going on in his life to keep him busy. That means he is, at least, passionate about one other thing besides his relationship. The relationship does not define him. He will give you your space and you must give him his. He is a confident, ambitious go-getter. He’s a real man!

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Featured photo credit: Ed Ivanushkin via flickr.com

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David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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