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10 Things to Forget If You Really Love Yourself

10 Things to Forget If You Really Love Yourself

You might often be put into a position where you are obligated to do a certain thing or be a certain way, or to please the people around you. The truth is, you don’t always hold the responsibility of others’ happiness. Loving yourself is essential in order to ensure happiness. You have to learn to love yourself first, before you can proceed to help others. Here are 10 things you should forget, if you really love yourself.

1. Forget trying to make everybody like you.

While it is nice having people to like you, it is not possible to be adored by everybody. By accepting the fact that each individual has different preferences in things and people they like, you will be able to appreciate those who adore you and be okay with those who don’t.

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2. Forget trying to please everybody.

You can never please everybody. It is important to be nice, but trying to please everybody is just going to end up burning you out because you can never fulfill every person’s expectations. Help others when you are capable of helping, and know when it is the right time to just let others take care of things on their own.

3. Forget always needing approval from others.

The only person you should seek approval from is you. You might think that fulfilling the expectations of others will make you happy, but in a long run, you will start resenting them or yourself for not truly living for yourself. Finding your passion and living true to it is the right way to get approval from yourself.

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4. Forget what others think of you.

What others think can serve as a reference for your learning, but what they think shouldn’t bother you to the point where it brings you down or changes who you are. Every individual has different values and beliefs that make them think they way they do; therefore they will never truly understand your situation base on your values, beliefs and life experiences. As long as you know your own purpose and motivations, what others think doesn’t really matter.

5. Forget trying to be perfect.

Aiming to do a great job is admirable, but nothing can ever be perfect, as there will always be room for improvement in everything. What matters is for you to constantly aim to improve yourself. As long as you put your heart and soul into your pursuit, you have already done the best you can, so you should be grateful for the accomplishment and enjoy the process.

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6. Forget about fearing failure.

Fear is a choice. Choosing to be taken over by it will only stop you from moving forward and pushing to improve yourself. Take every attempt as a learning experience, regardless of the outcome. Understand that without those outcomes, you will not get to learn what doesn’t work, and strive for what works to achieve your goals.

7. Forget overly pampering yourself.

Loving yourself is important, but over pampering yourself will cause you the habit of over indulgence. Having a good balance between self-pampering and self-control helps you to appreciate the things you enjoy as a reward for your hard work.

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8. Forget trying to explain everything to everyone.

No matter how much you wish others would understand you or your situation, there will be people who always stick to their own perspectives and beliefs. They will not always agree with the decisions you make. Every individual has their own values and beliefs. As long as you know what you are doing is right for you, and your decision does not harm anybody, you have all the right to pursue them.

9. Forget trying to be someone you are not.

The true freedom of happiness occurs when you can be true and honest to yourself. Hiding your authentic self will leave you miserable in a long run, because you only live for the sake of others’ expectations instead of living for your own values and purposes. Live your life fully by being true to yourself. As long as you are living with a kind heart, there will eventually be people who will appreciate and cherish you for who you truly are.

10. Forget getting involved in too many people’s agendas.

Being helpful and kind to others is a wonderful thing to do. However, if you spend your life trying to get involved in everybody’s agendas, you will only end up with exhaustion and stress. You only have this much time to seek for your own happiness. You can’t save everybody from their troubles. Sometimes it’s good to let them handle their own issues, as that will help them grow to be a stronger person. By allowing others to take care of themselves, you are doing them a favor by encouraging strengths and believing in their abilities.

At the end of the day, you are only human. You are bound to make mistakes. As long as you are willing to learn from each encounter, and be grateful for what you have, you will definitely find your happiness and love yourself for what you have accomplished in life.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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