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10 Things to Forget If You Really Love Yourself

10 Things to Forget If You Really Love Yourself

You might often be put into a position where you are obligated to do a certain thing or be a certain way, or to please the people around you. The truth is, you don’t always hold the responsibility of others’ happiness. Loving yourself is essential in order to ensure happiness. You have to learn to love yourself first, before you can proceed to help others. Here are 10 things you should forget, if you really love yourself.

1. Forget trying to make everybody like you.

While it is nice having people to like you, it is not possible to be adored by everybody. By accepting the fact that each individual has different preferences in things and people they like, you will be able to appreciate those who adore you and be okay with those who don’t.

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2. Forget trying to please everybody.

You can never please everybody. It is important to be nice, but trying to please everybody is just going to end up burning you out because you can never fulfill every person’s expectations. Help others when you are capable of helping, and know when it is the right time to just let others take care of things on their own.

3. Forget always needing approval from others.

The only person you should seek approval from is you. You might think that fulfilling the expectations of others will make you happy, but in a long run, you will start resenting them or yourself for not truly living for yourself. Finding your passion and living true to it is the right way to get approval from yourself.

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4. Forget what others think of you.

What others think can serve as a reference for your learning, but what they think shouldn’t bother you to the point where it brings you down or changes who you are. Every individual has different values and beliefs that make them think they way they do; therefore they will never truly understand your situation base on your values, beliefs and life experiences. As long as you know your own purpose and motivations, what others think doesn’t really matter.

5. Forget trying to be perfect.

Aiming to do a great job is admirable, but nothing can ever be perfect, as there will always be room for improvement in everything. What matters is for you to constantly aim to improve yourself. As long as you put your heart and soul into your pursuit, you have already done the best you can, so you should be grateful for the accomplishment and enjoy the process.

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6. Forget about fearing failure.

Fear is a choice. Choosing to be taken over by it will only stop you from moving forward and pushing to improve yourself. Take every attempt as a learning experience, regardless of the outcome. Understand that without those outcomes, you will not get to learn what doesn’t work, and strive for what works to achieve your goals.

7. Forget overly pampering yourself.

Loving yourself is important, but over pampering yourself will cause you the habit of over indulgence. Having a good balance between self-pampering and self-control helps you to appreciate the things you enjoy as a reward for your hard work.

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8. Forget trying to explain everything to everyone.

No matter how much you wish others would understand you or your situation, there will be people who always stick to their own perspectives and beliefs. They will not always agree with the decisions you make. Every individual has their own values and beliefs. As long as you know what you are doing is right for you, and your decision does not harm anybody, you have all the right to pursue them.

9. Forget trying to be someone you are not.

The true freedom of happiness occurs when you can be true and honest to yourself. Hiding your authentic self will leave you miserable in a long run, because you only live for the sake of others’ expectations instead of living for your own values and purposes. Live your life fully by being true to yourself. As long as you are living with a kind heart, there will eventually be people who will appreciate and cherish you for who you truly are.

10. Forget getting involved in too many people’s agendas.

Being helpful and kind to others is a wonderful thing to do. However, if you spend your life trying to get involved in everybody’s agendas, you will only end up with exhaustion and stress. You only have this much time to seek for your own happiness. You can’t save everybody from their troubles. Sometimes it’s good to let them handle their own issues, as that will help them grow to be a stronger person. By allowing others to take care of themselves, you are doing them a favor by encouraging strengths and believing in their abilities.

At the end of the day, you are only human. You are bound to make mistakes. As long as you are willing to learn from each encounter, and be grateful for what you have, you will definitely find your happiness and love yourself for what you have accomplished in life.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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