Advertising
Advertising

10 Simple Ways To Talk With a Stranger Comfortably

10 Simple Ways To Talk With a Stranger Comfortably

Meeting strangers is probably one of most people’s biggest fears, next to speaking in front of a crowd. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be as scary an experience as you might think. These ten easy tips will help you talk with a stranger comfortably.

crowd

    1. Go out alone.

    Don’t always go to events with a friend, significant other, or family member. Go alone, so you’re forced to meet other people. If you go with someone you’re familiar with, you’re more likely to stay and talk to the person you already know you can have conversations with. Also, you never know who your companion will know. What if some of their coworkers show up, and they leave you to go say hello? You’ll be left on your own anyway, so you need to get ready to be left on your own.

    Advertising

    2. Be prepared to initialize contact.

    Once you’re at an event all by yourself, don’t wait for someone to come up and talk to you. People are called social butterflies because they flit around and meet others. Standing in the corner hoping someone will approach you won’t get you anywhere. Don’t psych yourself out and think this is a big deal‒introducing yourself is the only way you can meet someone new. Get out in the crowd and mingle!

    3. Don’t talk about the weather.

    No one wants to get stuck in a boring conversation. If you start with a corny pick-up line or a bland comment about the weather, don’t be surprised when the other person rolls their eyes or walks away. Lines like those don’t leave much room to encourage socialization‒they’re more stand-alone statements than they are conversation starters. Likewise, it’s best to stay away from political or religious openers. Even if these topics are in the news, you never know what might rub someone the wrong way. Wait until you know the person to discuss hard-hitting topics. If you can’t think of something interesting on your own, just start with a “Hello, how are you?” and see where it goes from there.

    Advertising

    4. Encourage people to talk about themselves.

    Most people’s favorite topics are‒themselves! Even if you don’t have an interesting opener, you can always ask people to talk about themselves, and they’ll be more than happy to oblige you. Ask what they do for a living, where they’re from, or what they studied in school. If you get someone talking about their interests, you’ll see their true personalities come through. They’ll be excited to share their hobbies, and you might find that you have something in common!

    5. But still share information about yourself.

    Everyone likes to talk about themselves, but they also like to learn about others. If you ask too many questions of a new acquaintance, they might feel like you’re prying or giving them the third degree. Plus, if you share some of your interests, that might trigger something they never thought to share. Who knew you both enjoyed collecting stamps from South Africa?

    Advertising

    6. Find and discuss common interests.

    Learning about your new friend and sharing information about yourself should naturally lead to finding some common interests. Focus on these and discuss them; you never know when you’ll learn something new! At the very least, you could find a new friend to share this hobby with. If you don’t have any common interests, don’t worry! Not every stranger you meet is meant to become your new best friend. You still got this far in the conversation, so pat yourself on the back!

    7. Be friendly, not pushy or aggressive.

    Regardless of why you’re trying to meet new people, don’t feel pressure to acquire a pocketful of new friends. If you’re scared of failure or feel like you must meet someone new, you’ll come across as aggressive. If someone doesn’t want to have a conversation with you, let them walk off without being pushy and trying to keep them to yourself. Be laid back and go with the flow‒it will make you seem friendly, which means you’ll have better conversations, and be more likely to have other people approach you.

    Advertising

    8. Don’t be embarrassed if you’re visibly nervous.

    If your voice cracks or your handshake is sweaty, laugh it off. If you’re an amateur comedian and can make it into a joke, point it out and get people laughing with you. If it’s something that makes you feel less confident, just ignore it. Everyone gets nervous sometimes, so push past and continue on with the conversation. Don’t let it trip you up or embarrass you enough that you have to walk away.

    9. Let your personality shine through.

    Above all, be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to appeal to everyone, you’ll come across as flakey and no one will want to talk to you. It’s too much work to be everything to everyone, so be yourself and, above all, enjoy yourself. People will take notice and be drawn to you.

    10. Know when to end the conversation.

    Whether the conversation is a flop or a success, know when to wrap it up. If you know early on that you don’t want to keep talking to someone, find a smooth, painless way to move on and meet someone else. If you have a good conversation and hit it off, tell your new friend that you have to leave, but you’d love to meet up again sometime. Get a phone number or email address and leave the event high on your own success!

    More by this author

    10 Incredible Benefits of Cuddling That Make You Want to Cuddle Now 16 Productivity Secrets of Highly Successful People Revealed Why You Should Keep A Journal And How To Get Started 15 Differences Between the Boy you Date and the Man you Marry 10 Signs That You’re Ready For Marriage

    Trending in Communication

    1 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 2 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 3 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 4 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life 5 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Published on May 4, 2021

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

    In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

    How to Spot Fake People?

    When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

    Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

    1. Full of Themselves

    Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

    Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

    2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

    Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

    Advertising

    It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

    3. Zero Self-Reflection

    To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

    Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

    4. Unrealistic Perceptions

    Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

    A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

    5. Love Attention

    As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

    6. People Pleaser

    Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

    Advertising

    Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

    7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

    Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

    8. Crappy friend

    Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

    It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

    The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

    How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

    It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

    There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

    Advertising

    1. Boundaries

    Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

    2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

    Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

    3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

    If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

    4. Ask for Advice

    If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

    Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

    5. Dig Deeper

    Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

    Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

    Advertising

    6. Practice Self-Care!

    Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

    Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

    Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

    Final Thoughts

    Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

    We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

    More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

    Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

    Read Next