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10 Simple Ways To Talk With a Stranger Comfortably

10 Simple Ways To Talk With a Stranger Comfortably

Meeting strangers is probably one of most people’s biggest fears, next to speaking in front of a crowd. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be as scary an experience as you might think. These ten easy tips will help you talk with a stranger comfortably.

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    1. Go out alone.

    Don’t always go to events with a friend, significant other, or family member. Go alone, so you’re forced to meet other people. If you go with someone you’re familiar with, you’re more likely to stay and talk to the person you already know you can have conversations with. Also, you never know who your companion will know. What if some of their coworkers show up, and they leave you to go say hello? You’ll be left on your own anyway, so you need to get ready to be left on your own.

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    2. Be prepared to initialize contact.

    Once you’re at an event all by yourself, don’t wait for someone to come up and talk to you. People are called social butterflies because they flit around and meet others. Standing in the corner hoping someone will approach you won’t get you anywhere. Don’t psych yourself out and think this is a big deal‒introducing yourself is the only way you can meet someone new. Get out in the crowd and mingle!

    3. Don’t talk about the weather.

    No one wants to get stuck in a boring conversation. If you start with a corny pick-up line or a bland comment about the weather, don’t be surprised when the other person rolls their eyes or walks away. Lines like those don’t leave much room to encourage socialization‒they’re more stand-alone statements than they are conversation starters. Likewise, it’s best to stay away from political or religious openers. Even if these topics are in the news, you never know what might rub someone the wrong way. Wait until you know the person to discuss hard-hitting topics. If you can’t think of something interesting on your own, just start with a “Hello, how are you?” and see where it goes from there.

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    4. Encourage people to talk about themselves.

    Most people’s favorite topics are‒themselves! Even if you don’t have an interesting opener, you can always ask people to talk about themselves, and they’ll be more than happy to oblige you. Ask what they do for a living, where they’re from, or what they studied in school. If you get someone talking about their interests, you’ll see their true personalities come through. They’ll be excited to share their hobbies, and you might find that you have something in common!

    5. But still share information about yourself.

    Everyone likes to talk about themselves, but they also like to learn about others. If you ask too many questions of a new acquaintance, they might feel like you’re prying or giving them the third degree. Plus, if you share some of your interests, that might trigger something they never thought to share. Who knew you both enjoyed collecting stamps from South Africa?

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    6. Find and discuss common interests.

    Learning about your new friend and sharing information about yourself should naturally lead to finding some common interests. Focus on these and discuss them; you never know when you’ll learn something new! At the very least, you could find a new friend to share this hobby with. If you don’t have any common interests, don’t worry! Not every stranger you meet is meant to become your new best friend. You still got this far in the conversation, so pat yourself on the back!

    7. Be friendly, not pushy or aggressive.

    Regardless of why you’re trying to meet new people, don’t feel pressure to acquire a pocketful of new friends. If you’re scared of failure or feel like you must meet someone new, you’ll come across as aggressive. If someone doesn’t want to have a conversation with you, let them walk off without being pushy and trying to keep them to yourself. Be laid back and go with the flow‒it will make you seem friendly, which means you’ll have better conversations, and be more likely to have other people approach you.

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    8. Don’t be embarrassed if you’re visibly nervous.

    If your voice cracks or your handshake is sweaty, laugh it off. If you’re an amateur comedian and can make it into a joke, point it out and get people laughing with you. If it’s something that makes you feel less confident, just ignore it. Everyone gets nervous sometimes, so push past and continue on with the conversation. Don’t let it trip you up or embarrass you enough that you have to walk away.

    9. Let your personality shine through.

    Above all, be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to appeal to everyone, you’ll come across as flakey and no one will want to talk to you. It’s too much work to be everything to everyone, so be yourself and, above all, enjoy yourself. People will take notice and be drawn to you.

    10. Know when to end the conversation.

    Whether the conversation is a flop or a success, know when to wrap it up. If you know early on that you don’t want to keep talking to someone, find a smooth, painless way to move on and meet someone else. If you have a good conversation and hit it off, tell your new friend that you have to leave, but you’d love to meet up again sometime. Get a phone number or email address and leave the event high on your own success!

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    Last Updated on March 30, 2020

    What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

    What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

    Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

    You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

    This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

    What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

    According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

    Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

    There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

    How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

    When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

    Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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    1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

    One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

    The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

    Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

    2. Be Honest

    A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

    If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

    On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

    Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

    3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

    Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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    If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

    4. Succeed at Something

    When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

    Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

    5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

    Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

    Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

    If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

    If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

    Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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    6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

    Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

    You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

    On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

    You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

    7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

    Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

    Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

    Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

    When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

    Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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    In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

    Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

    It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

    Final Thoughts

    When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

    The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

    Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

    Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

    Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

    More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

    Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
    [2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
    [3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
    [4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
    [5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
    [6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
    [7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
    [8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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